Vent Alert

[fireprincess2009]

I think I'm in the right place for this since it's not wedding related.

I made plans to get together with a girlfirend tomorrow night for dinner, etc. Now why is it that I feel guilty/frustrated? I don't get together with her that often-maybe once a month. A lot of times we try to do a weeknight when FH has something going on (practice or a session) but she's in school and works full time as a nanny. So I make plans thinking that he has a good amount of work to do on his band's CD, we have the rest of the weekend together whatever. There is a party Saturday night that he want to go to where I won't really know anyone but then he suggested that we go to a bridal show:bbeek: on Sunday so it's not like I'm taking off for the whole weekend or anything.

Now I don't care really what he does, when the first words out of his mouth are, "Well, maybe I'll se what X is doing" it feels almost like he's trying to get back at me for making plans without him. I think we all need a little girl/guy time every now and then. If I didn't have plans, we'd probably just sit at home. And there are plenty of nights (sometimes overnights) when he is busy with his band that I sit home alone. I guess that's the annoyed/frustrated part.

Am I'm being immature, insane, a jerk?

[WebLady]

Am I'm being immature, insane, a jerk?No! I don't see anything wrong with your plans. Do you really thing your FH meant anything bad by saying he'd make other plans; or do you think he just said it like "that's cool, I will do this"?

Sometimes I make plans to do something with my sister or whatever and don't really consult DH about it. But when I present it to him I do sometimes try to make it like I am asking him what he thinks or if he cares if I go do whatever. He often does the same with me about what he wants to do with his friends or whatever without me; he will ask me if I want to go or whatever. Of course he always says to do whatever I want and I pretty much do the same with him.

I agree that we sometimes need just each other time, alone and/or with friends.

[flyerso6]

I completely understand and it is annoying sometimes. Like during the summer DH works a flexible schedule, and he is never off on the weekend. On the weekends I usually clean the house and do a lot of nothing by myself. But on his two days off (sometime during the week and its not the same days every week) he will go out with someone for lunch or something at least one of those days and since he works an hour away most of his friends live an hour away and he will always drive there. And its always a girl (not that I care, just why can't he ever go out with his guy friends). Its so frustrating because I'm like can you ever stay home, I do all the time.

[RosieAngel]

I think a common trap that women fall into is letting themselves feel guilty for having a social life outside their relationship/marriage. I think this is a huge mistake, because having a circle of close female friends enriches your life in ways that a spouse just can't, no matter how much you love him.

If he can go out and do things with the guys, you should be able to go out and do things with the girls. Example: I often decline invitations to stupid action movie parties that DH and his friends like to go to, since I find them dreadfully dull except as MST fodder and he deserves some fun time with the guys. Conversely, if I want to go watch an equally inane romantic comedy, I'd rather see it with female friends who enjoy the genre than having DH sit through the whole thing with a face like this: :whyme:. See? This is fair!

So don't feel bad! If your FH is being a passive-aggressive pain in the rear, I would either, a. ignore it and wait for him to get over himself, or b. try to explain this oh-so-difficult concept to him.

Good luck with everything!

[FFC]

I think a common trap that women fall into is letting themselves feel guilty for having a social life outside their relationship/marriage. I think this is a huge mistake, because having a circle of close female friends enriches your life in ways that a spouse just can't, no matter how much you love him.

If he can go out and do things with the guys, you should be able to go out and do things with the girls. Example: I often decline invitations to stupid action movie parties that DH and his friends like to go to, since I find them dreadfully dull except as MST fodder and he deserves some fun time with the guys. Conversely, if I want to go watch an equally inane romantic comedy, I'd rather see it with female friends who enjoy the genre than having DH sit through the whole thing with a face like this: :whyme:. See? This is fair!

So don't feel bad! If your FH is being a passive-aggressive pain in the rear, I would either, a. ignore it and wait for him to get over himself, or b. try to explain this oh-so-difficult concept to him.

Good luck with everything!

x2! Well said Rosie! Think about this - if you said that to him when he has plans, what would he do? I highly doubt that he'd get frustrated and upset with himself because you're a little out of sorts. Most guys would blow it off - well, stick to your plans - your whole life doesn't (or shouldn't) revolve around his schedule! Enjoy yourself!