Am I selfish and a bridezilla for being sad my friend isn't coming to my DW?

[bridebee]

I'm getting married to my fiance this summer and I'm really looking forward to it. We're getting married in Thailand as my whole family moved back there when I was 17 and I chose to stay behind because I've never been totally comfortable with the culture. Sadly my parents wouldn't be able to attend the wedding if I had chosen to have it here. Therefore my fiance and I decided to have a traditional thai wedding so I could have my parents and familiy there on the big day.

I have a lot of good friends here and I was naturally hoping they would attend. I know it's expensive and that I can't expect everyone to show up. I also know that my wedding day isn't as important for some as it is to me. And I was prepared that not everyone would have the money. But am I an awful person for being sad and disappointed that two of my closest friends won't be attending? I posted my feelings on another forum and literally got yelled at for being selfish and some even called me a bridezilla.

Is it selfish of me for wanting my parents in our wedding and therefore arranging it in Thailand? Am I controlling and selfish for wanting my friends there too? My friend says she can't come because she really can't afford it and I totally understand. But the other day we were talking and she told me she was getting a dog, a new kitchen and was going to Greece, and I just thought that it was a litte weird, because she just told me she didn't have enough money to come. The other forum said that if my friend chose to prioritize a new dog and a new kitchen it was up to her, and that I was too controlling for wanting her to prioritze coming to my wedding.

I'm just so frustrated. I don't know what to feel and if I'm even allowed to be feel sad?

[*Lisa*]

I'm having a destination wedding as well, and I totally feel your pain.

I think its natural for you to feel sad and disappointed, and yet you understand that some people may not be able to go attend because of costs, not getting vacation time, etc. I think its part of a destination wedding a risk you have to take.

I'd personally be upset if her reasoning was that she cannot afford it while a lot of other money is being spent, but in the end its her decision and one that you have to just kind of accept.

I definitely don't think that you're being a bridezilla. What you're feeling is natural and of course we all want our close friends to be able to attend, but just try and remember that family is what truly matters in the end :)

[WebLady]

You are certainly not a bridezilla for being sad and/or a little disappointed that your close friends won't be there! You can be sad, but like you said, it is expensive and you can't expect everyone to be able to hop a plain to another country for your wedding.

I wouldn't go to my friend's or even my own sister's wedding if it was too far away and would cost me too much to attend. As stated above, that is a risk you take doing a DW.

So enjoy your family wedding and then you can celebrate with your friends later. Maybe have a little party when you get back :)

[Mrs.Goff]

I think it's OK to be sad and disappointed, I think that's to be expected. Just handle your emotions with tact. As for the new kitchen and puppy, it may be that she has been saving for these things.

Sorry, that it won't be exactly as you planned, but I'm sure it'll be beautiful.

Just curious, was that other site wedding channel? lol

[HisSmurf]

Its understandable to be sad, but if she already had previous plans for her money it isn't really fair to be upset with her for not wanting change plans for your wedding. Like WebLady said have your family DW and come back here and have a mini-wedding for family and friends here or just a party.

[RosieAngel]

I think you have every right to be upset, personally. We don't like to think about it much, since there is this pre-conceived notion that you must be happy while planning your wedding, but there's a certain mourning process that a lot of us have to go through when our wedding isn't turning out to be the way we envisioned it. In your case, you're getting married in a country with a culture that you're uncomfortable with to make your family happy - talk about things not going to plan!

I had a DW too, and from my experiences, I really do believe that guests who want to be there will find a way, and those who don't will make excuses about new puppies and kitchens instead of bothering to look at the money-saving research I've done on their behalf. I had friends and family on and above our socioeconomic level make excuses and send us, as one guest put it, "a fat check in my stead." I also had broke friends bring tents and crash at a nearby campground, just so they could see us get married.

Being rejected by friends always hurts. There's nothing you can do about friends who don't see your wedding as particularly important, so I recommend trying your darndest to focus on the awesome family and friends who you will see on your big day. Are there any special people who you haven't seen in a long time that are coming? Get excited about that!

[WebLady]

I really don't think it means that your friends don't care about you enough because they can't or don't want to travel for your wedding. I love my friends and family and have/will be excited for them when they get married, but I have a life too and responsibilities and things I work for and look forward to.

Sure it may feel like your friends don't care and you may think you'd do whatever it took to see them (maybe you would) but everyone is different and everyone has different priorities. Not everyone is comfortable with spending money, even if you might think they have enough. Not going to your DW does not mean you are not good friend IMPO.

Brides can't expect people to put their lives on hold because for their wedding. It may seem like the world to you, but it is just another day to others. Sure it is a special day, but when it comes down to the hassle of travel and spending money it becomes more of a chore to some people. And some people just don't like weddings that much and when they are far away just lessens the appeal that much more.

There is nothing wrong with any bride wanting a "perfect" wedding and being a little upset when things don't go as they had hoped and planned, but you can't control everyone and everything ... trying only creates disappointment and stress.

So if this was me I would just be happy to be getting married, the wedding itself is only a small part of it! I would tell my friends I am sorry they can't make it and move on. I would try to have a party of some sort to celebrate with those that couldn't make it after I got back. If I didn't hear from my non attending friends for a while after I got back and they didn't come to the party, that is when I might start to worry.

Just another way to look at things; hope no one take offence :frogg:

[fireprincess2009]

I completely understand the upset part but I think you need to be understanding as well. Having a destination wedding is a choice you made for yourself and your family and I'm sure it's the right thing to do. Times are tough right now and traveling is very expensive. I'm sure you're friends are not intentionally trying to hurt you.

My advice is to enjoy the wedding you've planned for you and your family and have a reception/party when you get back. You get the best of both worlds and I think you'll be happily surprised at how much love your friends have for you and how happy they will be to be able to celebrate your good fortune.

[wannabeNurse2]

You have every right to feel how you feel. No one can take that right away from you! It's what you do with the feelings and emotions that matters. You already understand that not everyone can be at your wedding. I see no problem there.
I guess my question is when is your friend getting these things? I'm only asking because I talk about buying a house even though I won't be able to buy one for 2-3 years from now. I'm starting to do the research now so I can start saving ASAP. With the way I talk people think I'm buying a house now, but that's not the case. Maybe this is the case with your friend too. I believe you would have the right to be upset if your friend was buying all of these things right now instead of going to your wedding. Also if your friend is married her husband has a say in how money is spent. Just some things to consider.
Sometimes people on wedding forums can be down right mean. I've left forums because they are mean and cliquey. This forum, however, is very welcoming and understanding. Welcome and happy planning!

[gwenshack]

Hello -

Welcome to our forum!

I am also having a destination wedding - in Las Vegas - while most of my family and friends live in the Washinton D.C. area. I knew, going in, that a lot of people I am close to wouldn't be able to make the trip, and I wouldn't want them to if it would be a financial hardship. I know very well that if my wedding was local to them that they would be there in a heartbeat.
I can completely understand why you would want to get married in a place where your parents can attend. Family is family, and it is important for them to be there!
I also understand your sadness, but I think it's a lot to ask to ask people to travel anywhere, even if it's an hour car ride.
Thailand is far...and I am trying to put myself in the shoes of your friends. If my friend was getting married in Thailand, well, I doubt I would go. I would send my warmest wishes and all my love, but a lot of people are intimidated by overseas travel and a lot of people just can't afford it - or both.
I doubt your friends don't WANT to be there for you...I think if you were getting married closer to home it would be a can't miss event.

Is it possible to have a reception when you return so you can celebrate with friends?

Good luck - hope you have a perfect day.
:) Gwen

[DanDanNoodleBowl]

I know, you want your friends to be there for you, but thats such a far place. And the price of plane tickets these days and money with the economy so bad, its hard :(
But you will have agreat wedding anyway