Mother In Law And Mamas Boy Troubles Help!!

[lurenblue14]

soon to be mother in law & mama's boy! help!
im engaged, and i love my fiance to death, but he is a bit of a mamas boy. we just had our first child together, and in my eyes him and our daughter come before my parents and siblings...however he has said that his mother comes first to him? is it worng for that to bother me? im furious. and to top it off, we are looking for a place of our own and he refuses to leave his mother beacuse he feels the need to take care of her? shes not elderly so i dont understand? am i allways going to be second best? i dont no wat to do or think right now. they have a co-dependant relationship and i want to know where i will stand as his wife

[Kacie_bride]

I posted this in your other post, but since this one will probably be the most visited one I will post it again.

You defiantely need to talk to your fh about this. You are correct in saying that your daughter comes first. He should realize this because I'm sure all his mother's life he has come first to her. He needs to realize that when we grow up we leave our parents home and make a home of our own. It is okay to help your parents out and if they become inable to care for themselves we should help out more. However, at this point in his mother's life he needs to put his daughter before his mother and you before his mother. That is how marriage and parenting is supposed to be. You are a family now. His mother is still a part of his family, but no longer the immediate family. He can still love her just as much, but you and your daughter come first. I'm sorry to say this, but if he does not change I do not see the marriage working out.
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[AngelinLove]

I garee with Kacie..so there's no point in repeating. You just have to be up-front and honest about how you feel...and don't be defensive or accusatory...because then he will be too.

[Jenn060306]

I have to agree... You definatly need to talk with you FH about it. He should be making the commitment to you and your daughter first. It's a very touchy subject, talk to him as calmly and lovingly as you can.

[lurenblue14]

thank you so much for your replies. i am going to try and have a gentle disscusion with him about this...its been on my mind for the past couple of months, but i allways felt intimidated to bring it up beacuse it was his mother and i didnt want to start a fight. but i also dont want to be walking on eggshells our whole lives, being too afraid to say anything about whats bothering me. thanks again all!

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'll be honest and tell you that I MARRIED a Mama's boy!! But things changed once we are married. I think I am lucky that I'm much like his mother and infact it doesn't bother me that he has such a good relationship with his mother. Perhaps my Mama's boy is not quite as bad as yours. He still knows that we come first. But he DOES call his Mother EVERY night! And we are moving closer to them again, but it doesn't bug me. At the beginning it did, and we had a long talk. There were some harsh words but luckily he understood what I was saying. I never asked him to stop being close to his mother, I just asked him to remember that I am the NEW woman in his life and he had no problem with that. I wish you the best of luck and hope you and your FH can talk through this!! Good luck!!

[CindySue]

I wish I knew what to say, but unless you can explain your feelings to him and he wants to make things better for you, I afraid youre going to be stuck. Sweetie, what if he doesnt want to change his relationship with his mom? Are you going to be able to live like that? I understand exactly how you feel. Hes a parent now and his own child should come first, but if his mom has this kind of hold on him its going to be hard to break.
This makes me think of the movie "Monster-In-Law" with Jennifer Lopez.

[Kacie_bride]

I'm a mamma's girl and I call my mom or see her pretty much every day, but when it comes down to it, Justin comes first. We live close to my parents, but if one of us finds a better job away from them I'll go.

[cowboysbride]

I'm a Daddy's Girl...BIG TIME and very very close to my mother but I always put Eric first and have from the beginning.

I agree with the other girls, sit him down, talk with him calmly and make sure he understands that you and ya'lls child are his immediate family...mom is still very important but his main priority is his new family.

Good luck and I will pray for you...I've been there and it's no fun.

[lurenblue14]

Hey everyone...
so i was able to talk to my FH about how i felt, it went alot better then i expected. he reassured me that our family is a top priority and that he loves his mother, myself, and our child equally but in diffrent ways. i feel alot better now, ive allways had a good relationship with his mother and when we first met one of the things i loved most about him was how close he was to his mother. i think that i just started to become resentful beacuse with our wedding day approching, i started to question if we would ever have a seprate life. thanks again for everyones input

[Kacie_bride]

I hope it works out for you! Let us know!

[AngelinLove]

I just wanted to say that i am happy that you talked with your FH...and I really do hope that things work out for you!!!!

[txrednecknikky]

i advise u and anyone who is going to marry a momma's boy to run for your life. i am married to momma' boy and can't stand it. unless u want to be put second go for it

[WhiskeyGirl]

i advise u and anyone who is going to marry a momma's boy to run for your life. i am married to momma' boy and can't stand it. unless u want to be put second go for it

I am also married to a momma's boy but the thing is, I don't believe you need to run for your life! Communication is the key, but then I guess it depends on the relationship you have and he has with his mother. My DH is a momma's boy but he knows who he is married to and his mother takes the seconds to me now! He still loves his mother but he knows that it's us first, then his mom. Guess it all depends on how you deal with it really. Maybe our situation is not as nearly as bad as yours!