MOH-very long

[Kacie_bride]

I hope I'm not going to come off sounding like a horrible person here. Here goes. I just got off the phone with my MOH. She was all excited and she told me that she is pregnant! She just found out today and she thinks she is about 3-4 wks pregnant. Which would make her around 7 months when the wedding comes. I told her congratulations and I told her that I was not mad at her. Truth is I am not mad, but really disapointed. I know everyone cannot plan their lives around my wedding. I just wish she would have waited a little longer. When I first told her the wedding date she told me they were planning to wait until later in the year when there would not be the issue of her showing then. Then this weekend she told me they were planning to start trying. I didn't think to much about it because it has seems like when people try to get pregnant it usualy takes months. It is the people who do not plan to get pregnant that get pregnant all the time it seems.

She is my best friend and I should be really excited for her, but I'm not. I can only think of how it affects my wedding. Now I really don't know what to do about the dresses. I know at David's Bridal they have maternity dresses, but what if (God forbid) something happens and she looses the baby? Then how would she know what size to get anyway as of now? I am going to talk to them about how fast the maternity dresses can get here and maybe they can be ordered later in the game than the regular BM dresses.

And the other part I feel down about does not even have to do with my wedding. I know life is not a competition, but I also seem to be behind her. She got married before me which I have to admit made me pretty jealous then. I got over that. She got a 1 year certificate thing in real estate and I took on earning a Bachelor's Degree, so she finished with school and got a career job before me. Therefore they have been able to purchase a home, both drive new cars, etc. We rent and we both drive cars that are almost 10 years old. And now she will have a baby before me. When we were younger we always used to talk about having a baby together and being pregnant together. Now that will not happen.

Justin says he wants to wait a pretty long time after the wedding to have a baby. I would like to have one right away. That is not going to happen. It wouldn't really even be practical because I will be first starting a career and we'll need to be more established.

Then I worry about any problems that I might have and I worry that I will never get the chance to have children because of waiting to long and other reasons. I've already had some female issues and I worry if that will come into play when it comes time to try to have a baby. I can almost feel Shawna's pain when she talks about her fertility problems. Justin does not seem to understand that fertility does go down with age. Sure people have babies in their 30's, but they also have a lot more problems at that age. We've talked a bit about waiting until I am about 27 or 28.

I really do wish the best for her and I hate that I am feeling sad about her pregnancy. I hope you guys do not think I am horrible.

[Jenn060306]

I don't think your horrible at all. It's hard to see people get the things you want to have. esp. when they are as big as a wedding and a family. But you have to take everything in you're own time. You and Justin will have a child when you are ready. Not a minute sooner.

I can understand how you feel about her also being very pregnant by the time you're wedding coms arround. We are raised to feel like on our wedding day all the attention is focused on you. The bride. I can totally see where you are coming from and i would have felt the same way if my MOH had gotten pregnant before the wedding.

As for the dress. Talk to the people at Davids bridal. See what your options are. Talk to your MOH and see what she is thinking about it all. Perhaps you might be able to find a dress from a maternity store closer to the date that will work for your colours and everything.

Good Luck hun! You'll feel better about everything eventually. And you definatly are not a terrible person. think alot of us would feel the same way as you if that happened to us.

[LaceyinPgh]

I had a bridesmaid who was pregnant when we got married. I htink she was right at the four month mark and already showing. To be honest, it wasn't a big deal. The seamstress just sewed some panels in the sides of the dress. To be honest you are really stressing about these bridesmaid dresses. Your wedding isn't until December, Kacie. If she waits until October to oreder the dress that still leaves LOTS of time. David's Bridal mass produces dresses. It isn't like theirs are custom jobs. For the most part they are all sitting in warehouses waiting to ship. Mine were custom jobs that had to ship in from Asia and it still only took 8 weeks to get them here. Stop worrying about the dresses.

To be honest I wasn't thrilled when our bm who also happens to be Sean's sister told us she was pregnant. I didn't really care about the wedding aspect of it. I just had so much going on in March with my upcoming May wedding that it didn't register. Now that the wedding is over Uncle Sean and Aunt Lacey are beyond thrilled.

So what if she is pregnant? No one is going to care. Be happy for her. This is something that she obviously wanted. All of my friends got married before I did. A lot of them had babies. Most of them had "careers" before me too. The fact of the matter is I had more fun by putting those things off. A lot of my friends are in unhappy relationships or on second marriages. They always complain and seem to resent their kids because those kids made them put off their desires in life. Trust me, with a bachelor's degree you will probably make more than she does in the long run too.

Oh my God, 27 and you are worried that is too oldor too long to wait for a baby? Honey I am 27 and Sean is 36, no kids and no plans for them until I am at least 30. Go and enjoy your baby free life. Have fun, spend time with Justin, travel the world, establish a career and home. Enjoy it, don't worry about diapers.

[Kacie_bride]

I feel a bit better now. I talked to my mom and we are going to talk to the people at David's Bridal about the options. What I am thinking is that we are going to order the other 4 dresses and wait on hers for a bit. Then we will order her's and we are going to dress it up ourselves. We will add bead work to it and actually make it prettier than the rest. I know sometimes the MOH is different than everyone else anyway.

The reason I stress about the dresses is that they told me they would take 8-12 wks to come in.

I also feel a bit better because I decided that when the date gets closer I am going to give her a baby shower. That is something fun to look forward to.

As of now I am not really excited and I still wish she woud have waited, but I am going to make the best of the situation.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Kacie,

I'm happy that you are taking things in stride. Its hard to have a pregnant Bm...I almost had one too!! So I can understand...luckily she waited and I'm thankful to her for that.

As far as fertility, if this is somethign that seriously worries you, speak with Justin!! You had a gut feeling and you should listen to your gut!! All along my gut told me and I expected to have problems getting pregnant. It really is easier to go through all this cr@p when you are young then to wait when the clock is really ticking down! Just ask my 28 Yr old SIL suffering from Infertiltiy too. (fertility declines dramatically beginning at the age of 27!!) She hears those minutes,days, months going down the drain. The earlier you tackle it, the easier it can be!!!! The most you can do is talk to Justin and lay your fears out on the table. Perhaps he will understand and the two of you can come to an agreement of trying earlier then you had previously agreed to!! Good luck!!

[StaceyMc]

You guys are making me feel old - I'm 32. Although I understand that fertility decreases with age and with problems I've previously had, I will possibly have difficulties when we decide to start trying. Joe and I discussed children a long time ago and he understands my problems-his response was "If it happens, wonderful! If not, we'll explore other options." That said, I'm not freaking out about it. Hell - my mom's cousin had her first child when she was 40 - all hope is not lost if you're 30 and not pregnant.

If you're that worried about your age and fertility, I think you need to talk to your gyno about it. I ask mine periodically when I should start worrying about being too old - even with my problems - he tells me "Not for a while." I'm a firm believer in it will happen when it's the right time. After the struggles my sister went through for a few years trying to get pregnant, she admits that having Tyler now was the perfect time - a few years ago would have been difficult - in a smaller house, moving, job changes, etc.

As for the pregnant MOH - the bridal store can estimate her size at 7 months - I'm sure that they've encountered this before. Besides, that's why they invented alternations. Be happy for her! Her pregnancy is not going to affect your wedding.

I can say if my sister (my matron of honor) would happen to get pregnant prior to my wedding, I will be more than thrilled and we'll make adjustments if we have too. I'd never expect her to put her life on hold until after my wedding. A wedding is a celebration of family.

[Kacie_bride]

Stacey,

I never asked her to put her life on hold. I didn't expect her to. It was just a shock because she told me when I first told her my date that she was planning on waiting a little longer. I'm not mad that she didn't. I'm just a bit disapointed. I was also looking forward to a typical bachelorette party with my best friend and all the stuff that goes with that. It will not be the same and that saddens me. It especially saddens me because she had already talked about all the fun we would have and started some planning. She was going to rent a limo and we were going to go downtown to some clubs and then get a hotel room down there.


Shawna,

I have talked to Justin about it. He thinks I freak myself out over nothing. And I know Stacey suggested I talk with my doctor. Well I have talked some and I've read stuff. I know my chances statistcally are lower. But then again my MOH had some of the same problems I had and she obviously conceived. I am not going to think about it anymore until after the wedding anyway. I'll have my own health insurance then and more options. When something like that comes up I just get really nervous. I'm sure you understand that.

[shawnsgirl]

Kacie,
I understand what you're saying here. You're not mad at her nor unhappy for her. There's this part of you that's disappointed becuase you have looked forward to some things and had a picture in your mind of your wedding day and the events leadig up to. One thing you didn't picture is you MOH being pregnant. I think everyone can agree that no matter what the situation is, we all have our own images of what we have planned for our weddings. When that image or plan is going to have to be changed it does throw us off our rockers a bit! Kacie, your not selfish or mean...You're a normal bride. One of the bigest things I'm looking forward to is my bachorlette party. If one of my girls got pregnant I would be disappointed in the fact that it may compromise the plans at hand.
As far as infertility is concerned, you need to talk to my FH! He's 29 and is paranoid that he won't be able to impregnant me! Frankly, anything can happen no matter what your age, no matter if you had children before or not. I have two little boys and after my second the prgnancy cause my uterus to tilt therefore making babies a bit harder and carrying them to full term a bit challenging. Taking good care of yourself and seeing you're ob/gyn is your best bet and the best advice you can get. And when its time to have fun making babies he/she can give you advice on the best times for you, eating habbits, and can prescrivbe prenatal vitiamins prior to conceiving that can encourage the body. Also, With science and technology today there are tons of options out there to help overcome it!
Jonelle

P.S.
Why don't we all get together for Kacie's Bachorlette party! Could you imagine?? LOL

[Kacie_bride]

Kacie,
I understand what you're saying here. You're not mad at her nor unhappy for her. There's this part of you that's disappointed becuase you have looked forward to some things and had a picture in your mind of your wedding day and the events leadig up to. One thing you didn't picture is you MOH being pregnant. I think everyone can agree that no matter what the situation is, we all have our own images of what we have planned for our weddings. When that image or plan is going to have to be changed it does throw us off our rockers a bit! Kacie, your not selfish or mean...You're a normal bride. One of the bigest things I'm looking forward to is my bachorlette party. If one of my girls got pregnant I would be disappointed in the fact that it may compromise the plans at hand.
As far as infertility is concerned, you need to talk to my FH! He's 29 and is paranoid that he won't be able to impregnant me! Frankly, anything can happen no matter what your age, no matter if you had children before or not. I have two little boys and after my second the prgnancy cause my uterus to tilt therefore making babies a bit harder and carrying them to full term a bit challenging. Taking good care of yourself and seeing you're ob/gyn is your best bet and the best advice you can get. And when its time to have fun making babies he/she can give you advice on the best times for you, eating habbits, and can prescrivbe prenatal vitiamins prior to conceiving that can encourage the body. Also, With science and technology today there are tons of options out there to help overcome it!
Jonelle

P.S.
Why don't we all get together for Kacie's Bachorlette party! Could you imagine?? LOL

Yes all of you come to Texas for my party!

Jonelle,

You just sumed up exactly how I feel about my MOH being pregnant! I could not have said it better myself!

I just want to say thank you to those of you who understand where I am coming from. I know it will all be okay and eventually I'm sure I'll be just as excited about her baby as I am about the wedding!