Is this OK??

[chiquita83]

My fiance's sister just got engaged over Christmas. We have had our wedding date set for about 5 months, now and have let the relatives know to save the date. His sister called us today to tell us that she will be getting married in the late summer of '09- our wedding date was set for August 1st of '09. I am not very happy about this... Am I overreacting or is this okay???

[Whitewater]

When you say 'late summer', do you have a specific date? And where do you live? The reason I ask is because the term 'late summer' in my neck of the woods means early August. By the time Labor Day comes around the farmers have begun the fall harvest, the State Fair is over and people are worrying about their late tomatoes being able to ripen before they get hit with a frost.

In other parts of the world, 'late summer' can mean late September and even right up until Halloween.

If their date is very close to yours (like, within a couple weeks) I'd say talk to them about your concerns -- but you'll need to find some way to do it that doesn't make it seem like you're just whining because your future in-law is grabbing your glory. Only you know whether you're doing that or not!

If her wedding is 6 -8 weeks away, well, you might be overreacting a little.

Your question kind of hinges on us knowing the exact dates. Do you have one for their wedding yet?


Whitewater

[chiquita83]

The date has not been officially set, but they will have it in early August or late July, which means it will only be a couple weeks away. My fiance's sister is the type that needs all the attention from the family and usually gets it. I think that is why it is bothering me so much. She would be the kind of person who would plan her wedding to interfere with ours.

[Whitewater]

Yikes. See, now, *I* would worry about a wedding set for late July because I've been planning mine for 18 months and I still feel rushed :) I could not imagine being able to successfully pull off the wedding of my dreams from beginning to end in 6ish months.

But then again, I know some people who've done it and been very happy, so there's different strokes for different folks!

How do your parents feel about this? Are they willing to give money to both of you? Can they afford it, particularly in these financially perilous times?

Maybe if it would cause a hardship on them, they'll talk to your sister about perhaps waiting a little while. You never know!

I still think that you should sit down and have a heart-to-heart with the happy couple. You never know -- and now that there's a guy alongside your sister, maybe he'll be able to see that for many reasons, rushing a wedding ahead might not be the right move. She wants to marry him, so obviously he has some influence on her, and perhaps he can temper her grab for the limelight.

Talk to them, and see what happens.


Whitewater

[WBandMe]

How does your fiance feel about it, or his parents?

Personally, I would be ticked if it was within 4 or so weeks of my own because, as I'm sure you know, the closer together they are, the harder it is to focus on each individually, to get out of town families in for both of them, etc.

Like Whitewater said, if you're looking at more like 6 weeks there isn't much you can do...summer is very popular for weddings, after all. In my mind, "late summer" means August to me so that sounds like something your fiance perhaps (or you, if you're comfortable) could talk to his sister about.

Maybe she doesn't realize she's coming too close, or maybe in her mind she knows they're close but figures it's just extra celebration. Or, as you said, maybe she just needs it to be all about her, in which case I feel sorry for you, and even more sorry for her. I hope you guys can find a way to both be happy!

[horse345]

This might seem totally off the wall and something you might not want to do...but what about a double wedding??

Ya'll could chose the same day...someone could go first at like noon(I would suggest you because you were engaged first, but it is totally up to you) and then someone could go at 4pm or 6pm. Maybe in between ceremonies you could do a tea or a light lunch (like finger sandwiches, etc) and then in the evening you could do one big reception for the both of you. That way, it wouldn't really seem like one person is stealing the others ones spotlight, and it might even save you more money in the long run for out-of-town guests so they would not have to come in twice.

[Moon.Dust.]

I think you have every right to be upset!!
Am I saying pull a bridezilla? nope. But it totally sucks that someone is stealing Your time.

[BarceloMayaPalaceBride]

I'm amazed at how many people have to vent about family members suddenly planning a wedding around the same time as theirs. :O If I was the newly engaged one, I would definetely not plan my wedding at the same time as someone in the family. Good luck! :)

[RosieAngel]

Seriously, I don't get why so many people try to set their date so close to others dates. It's both rude and stupid, because, think about it. The farther apart your dates are, the more attention, help from friends and family, guests, presents, etc. you'll both receive.

[WebLady]

Seriously, I don't get why so many people try to set their date so close to others dates. It's both rude and stupid, because, think about it. The farther apart your dates are, the more attention, help from friends and family, guests, presents, etc. you'll both receive.ITA and I would be a little miffed about something like this too. But really, you can't let other people, rude or not, interfere with your happiness.

So if this was me I would just keep planning details and specific ideas to myself and go on about my life and hope for the best.

The double wedding would be a nice idea if you were close to the other person and neither would try to "show up" the other.

[MrsDM]

Oh yeah, I would be super upset too. I would defintely tell them how you are feeling, or maybe have FH tell them. I know that my FH and I got engaged about 2 months after his cousin. She is getting married in April (originally March, but they had to change the date) and I wanted to give her her time to shine too. So yes, I agree, its rude and unthoughtful to set your date so close.