Is it normal

[Chasity]

Me and my man are in a tiff right now about the whole 50 50 thing he helps with the house and our daughter, but as the wedding gets closer I think of all the other guys I can be with. I keep asking if he is the one. We have been together for 4 years, and I love him is it the fight or cold feet

[Kacie_bride]

Hi Chasity and welcome to the board. This might not be something you want to hear, but if you are honestly thinking about other guys you could be with I think that is more than just cold feet. It sounds like you are not ready to be totally committed to your fiance. Perhaps now is not the right time for you guys to get married.

I hope I have not upset you or offended you. From the information you presented us this is just my opinion. I wish you all the best of luck and I hope you'll update us on what you decide to do. Good luck!

[usahgrad]

I have to agree with Kacie. I think, although I wouldn't know from personal experience, but I think cold feet leans towards oh my god, this is going to change my entire life...not so much wait, I won't ever be able to see another man. You may want to reexamine you life at the moment and figure out somethings.

Hope I didn't offend you either and good luck!

[andysgirl07]

I have to agree also. I know if my FH was thinking about other women he could be with right now, I wouldn't want us to get married. It definitely shows lack of commitment. Ya'll should talk about how you're feeling and hold off on getting married right now.

[Chasity]

I an sorry everyone miss understood me, what I guess i meant was I just mean that I worry that how do I know he is the one, what if someone else is suppose to be with me. It make it hard too cuz we have a daughter together, and he is a good dad, and I know he loves me its just all confusing, what if I am not getting the best guy for me? Maybe I am just crazy. The divorce rate is just so high and i really want things to work

[Kacie_bride]

I know this may sound stupid, but I think you should feel something inside of you that tells you he is the one. I just know, I don't know how to explain it, that Justin is the one. I have never had any doubts about our relationship and although there are things that I can't stand about him and that he can't stand about me, we love eachother so much that it doesn't matter. Sure we have our fights, and we may not like each other at that moment, but we always love each other.

If you are that worried about your relationship you should really reevaluate what you are doing. To me it just seems like more than cold feet.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I agree Kacie!! I also think its more then cold feet! Have you had a problem commiting to someone in the past? are you the type that likes to date a lot and only now are just settling down with the man who is your daughter's father? It doesn't make any sense to me...why would you agree to marry him if you think that someone else could be out there who is BETTER for you?? To me, that is just ridiculous. You are having more then just cold feet, you are having issues with commitment. (What I say you may not like, but I'm not goign to sugar coat it! Sorry!) STOP!! Don't get married! You need to figure out yourself before you commit to someone else!!!!!! Like Kacie said, when its right, YOU KNOW IT! You won't have to question it at all. Good luck and I hope you make the right choice for you and for your child!

[WebLady]

I have to agree with the other ladies, it sounds to me like a little more than cold feet ... I think you just Know when you are with the right person. Just because you have a child together and you have been together for 4 yrs doesn't mean you have to get married. Marriage is about much more.

Ask yourself the 'Hard Questions' and talk to him about how you feel. Here is a link the the thread with 'The Hard Questions' - http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=394&highlight=The+hard+questions

Good luck and Welcome to the board :D

[LizabethDavis]

These ladies have offered some amazing advice and I have to agree with their advice. Only you know how you are really feeling. You need to ask yourself those questions and then make your decision, however tough the decision may be. Good luck!

[AngelinLove]

I would also have to agree. I mean it is one thing to worry that you might be making a mistake or to worry about whether or not it will work out in the end....but if you think for even a minute that some "other" guy might be better suited for you...you might really want to re-think this whole wedding thing...atleast until you can sort through your emotions!!! Good Luck!!!!

[shawnsgirl]

I'm sorry that your going through this, however perhaps I can shed some things on this issue. I have to agree with all the other ladies here...I'm 27 I first married when I was only 21, divorced a year later. At that time I can honestly say that I did not have the "he's the one" feeling....Years down the road I met shawn...After being together for only a few months I knew he was the one. It's a feeling that I never had before. Once him and I talked about our deep feelings I made the decision in my heart to love this man for the rest of my life. Ofcourse there's things we both do that drive eachother crazy but I chose to love those things about him too. The divorce rate shouldn't scare you...You get out of marriage/relationship what both the husband and wife put into it. Today, too many people forget what a marriage is and how you have to work for it and decide to make it work. Most people run when the going gets tough. I also think that on a level you have to decidein your heart you if want to love the father of your child. Love is a decision you can choose who you want to love. I urgently suggest that you and your FH get some counseling. I think the other reason why you have these feeling is because you have a child together. As much as a blessing that children are; having children can often push the romance straight out the window. It adds stress to the relationship and you don't get to do the things most young couples do. I happen to be blessed with a 5 and 3 year old boys. Shawn is the best man that these boys ever had in their lives. However, sometimes it's hard to get to do the things him and I would both love to do. It's hard to find time together alone to continue the bonding and attention your relationship needs. Both of you need to put out sometime for eachother to help things along.....I hope this helps but I would urgly suggest holding off on getting married anytime soon and remember marriage isn't 50/50 its 120/120!