"Outside Kids"

[latanyak85]

I have a question. Does any one here have any kids? I guess what I mean is does any one have any kids before your fh? I do. I have a 9 yr old son and my fh has a 7 yr old son, which are both going to be in the wedding. How do you think your "new family" will be? My son loves his step brother and they get along very well. And I love my son (step son), I care for him as if he were my own! Me and my fh has known each other since the kids were little. My only concern is his mother! She thinks already that I am trying to take over like I am his mom. I believe she thinks this because I am able to do things that she can not do (the main thing is financially). I try to tell her that I'm just trying to get him things that he wants and needs. He is a child and I believe that children should be able to have what ever they need and some time what they want they're kids! She thinks I'm trying to "buy" him and win him over. Thats not the issue. I just want us to be a family! Its starting to be a issue, because now I dont even want to do anything for him. Help!

[Micah's bride]

I have a son from a previous marriage and FH has always treated him as his own. My son calls FH dad and has for most of our relationship. I've never had the problem from the other side, but we do have an issue with FH's grandmother (whom FH is very close to). She has hurt my feelings several times saying things like, "Well, Jay won't notice if we're there Christmas morning, we aren't really his grandparents." or telling FH that he should not adopt my son because his biological father shouldn't get out of child support that easily. FH finally had a talk with her and explained that this really hurt my feelings, and she has been better.

Maybe FH could explain to his ex that you aren't doing things to steal him away or buy him, you just want to do things for him because your son has those luxuries and it wouldn't be fair to do things for your son and not FH's son.

[mitch]

My DH has Four Daughters from His First Marriage. I have no kids and We don't have any kids "Together". When We first met, His eldest was 13 and the youngest was 5 years old. I told the girls from the start i'm not trying to replace their Mum nor be "Mum". I'm Mitch and all i want is to build memories for us all.
Now Six years later the Girls and Myself are very close. We look back at the "Memories" We all made and laugh and cry about it all.
When i Married their Dad, all Four came up to Me at the Wedding and said they were happy to see Dad happy. And they all thanked Me for the times We've spent together and for keeping the secrets they told Me etc. They also said sorry for all the upset they caused while growing up. I admit it wasn't easy and at times one of us was in tears. But that soon passed with a bit of patience and time.

DH's Eldest had a child of Her own and made Him a Grandfather at 36. :bbeek: From the start She insisted i was known as "Nanny" which was changed to "Nanny-Moo" at My request. I'm not Biologically His Nan and i didn't want to step on His real Nans toes (DH's Ex-Wife)

The only thing i can suggest is to take it easy. Try not to get too upset. They are not Children for long. Before You can look round they will be adults. In our case two have left school and are working or parents themselves.

Build Memories and all will work out in the end.
One day You will look back and wonder what all the fuss was about.

I wish You luck.

[Scrwballsgrl]

I have to say kudos to all you ladies (and gents) who treat your children "step/half/or otherwise" like your own. Fh sister married a guy with a little girl & she has a little boy of her own from her previous marriage. The kids are only a few months apart, and until their parents got married had been only children. BUT her child is treated like the "golden child" and his child is treated like t-total ****! :( The husband doesnt step up and speak up for his daughter and just takes whatever Fh sister & most recently her mother (fh mom) says for face value, and just about everytime the little girl opens her mouth they say she's lying about something or another:( its just really sad situation all the way around. but the little girl can't go live with her mother bc she didn't want her when she was a baby so her father got full custody of her, and she doesnt want her now and only gets her once in a blue moon and would just as likely tell her she coming to get her and not show up as she would call her and tell her she can come live with her and then never get her for the holidays a couple times in a row. She(his daughter) is a very sweet little girl and would blossom under some well meaning attention. But she's not getting it from anyone but her paternal grandparents & me & Fh:(

[latanyak85]

:( I want to have memories but some times its hard when his mother doesnt want me to get him! Some times she tells my fh to call his mother so she can pick him because I'm not "allowed", and half of the time when I do buy him things I just give it to my fh or his mother to give to her and I make sure they dont tell her its from me! How crazy and childish is that.
I hope it does get better.

[mitch]

It will get better Hun believe Me.

Have You thought that Maybe the child is going to Mum and saying "ooh i got this, ooh i got that" and unconsciously rubbing Her nose in it because She can't / wont provide Herself.

When We told the Girls We were getting Married. The Youngest was 11 and full of it. She was jumping through hoops because i was being Step-Mum legally. I had to sit Her down and tell Her to calm down. Not go back to Mum and say "Ooh Dads marrying Mitch" and "Mitch and Dad this, Mitch and Dad that".

I know it can't be easy to adjust the future to accomodate the past. But the two worlds in a childs life has to be equally balanced. And that takes time and patience.

[latanyak85]

Oh yes I know that he goes back and tells her, but like you said....my fh had to sit him down and tell him not to go back and tell certain things. It will get better! All I want is us to have a good relationship. I wouldnt mind if she called me and told me if he needs anything. Or if she needs me to pick him up from school (the small things). But I guess she is not on that level. Fh told her she needs to get used to it because she knows we are getting married. That is another issue, she doesnt wasnt him to be in the wedding! How is this going to work? She is so immature!