does anyone else have step children

[hummingbird521]

I am not venting but asking for advice here. Does anyone else have step children on this forum. As you know we just got married over the weekend and I have some issues about one of the things that my new husband finds appropriate for the kids. I was raised to believe that children stay out of your bedroom regardless of the reason. If you do not give them permission to come in, then they are to stay out. My husband however was raised to believe in an open door policy. We have 5 tvs and 3 computers in our house. The kids all have their own tv in their rooms. Whether we are in our bedroom or not he lets them go in their and watch tv or play. I hate this. I feel like it is the one place in our house where it should be kept private and off limits. Am I wrong? if we are in our room and they knock and we say it is ok for them to come in, then i find this ok. but to just go into our room whenever they feel like it, this i don't like. they have not been taught that items or rooms are private. they are 9 and 6 years old. I like to feel like our bedroom is our santuary. there are times i like to go in and just be alone with my own tv shows, computer time or just hanging out and winding down in there time. someone please offer me some advice on this issue. My husband and i talked about it last night and he agreed to keep the kids out, but i could tell he only did this for me. He doesn't seem to understand why i feel this way. and i don't want him thinking it is because i don't like my step children. i love them. but husband and i talked about this before getting married and we agreed that our room would be off limits. but since then it hasn't been.

HELP PLEASE!!!!!

[MOB Karen]

I think the room policy should be how you want it to be. If you don't want them in your room, then they shouldn't be in there. You are the adult, and what you say goes.

I never had step-children nor was I ever a step-child, my parents were married for 51 years before my Dad died. The bedroom policy in our house was come and go as you like. We didn't knock, we barged in whenever we wanted. That's just the way it was, and no one cared one way or the other. The kids sort of ruled that house. lol Every house is different though, and I think your wishes should be respected.

[countrygirl]

Hey girl,

First off, Congrats to you!!!!! I may not be married yet, but I can say that I have three new kids. J and I have been living together since last August, and that was also an issue in my house. You do not come in my room unless you are given permission, or asked to come in.

We have a open door idea too, but it is more of, as long as they knock (whether the door is open or not) and we are not indisposed, we will let them in. THey climb into bed w us on the weekends, or come in to talk, but ONLY when they are given permission.

Good luck. It's difficult being a 'stepmom', but it's a blast too. You just have to let you husband know that there are some things that are some things that you feel strongly about, and that this is one of them.

[Valmai]

I can only speak in respect of my own children but my children did not have free reign of our bedroom, it wasnt exactly set in stone they just knew not to go in there. Although we would all crash on our bed on the few days we were allowed lie-ins! lol I felt that this then spread into them having privacy as they got older too, they were not allowed to wander in and out of each others rooms if the other person was not home, or touch each others belongings. I suppose its kinda teaching them u respect my need for privacy and i will respect urs - as mine got older even i didnt really go into their rooms when they werent home - it was their own private space the same as i expected mine.
At least u 2 have talked bout it and yeah ok hes agreeing 'cos its what u want but thats what its all about really innit he doesnt mind either way and u do - im sure u would do the same if the situations were reversed - good luck
Valmai xxx

[Kacie_bride]

I think it should be the way you want. I don't have kids so I don't know how I'll feel about it. I don't like many people in my room now. When I was growing up we were always allowed in my parents room. But it really should be whatever you are comfortable with.

[rainbowtreat]

I dont have step kids but my FH will be a step dad to my children. The only issue we have had is when it comes to somethign like what the kids want for breakfast. He ws raised as here is your breakfast eat it or dont. I offer my kids a choice. Not of a huge lot but of 2 or 3 htings. If we have 2 kinds of cereal I let them pick what kind they want. Why make them eat something they may not like because YOU as the adult wanted to just throw somethign at them to feed them real fast. He and I talked and he understands that he came into this with the kids and I already set in a way of life. Yes a few changes will have to be made now and then and we will go witht hem as they come. BUt when it comes to what the kids are used to, like choosing their own cereal that morning, that is something that we just had to say hey, it is not a big deal. There are things that are a big deal that need to be dealt with. But this was minor and a simple fix. He just needs to realize that the kids have a away of doing certain things. And have been doing them for some time now. I hope this helps you out any. Good luck.

[Kacie_bride]

I think it is one of those things were you have to pick you battles. Everyone has to compromise to keep everyone happy MOST of the time.

[CindySue]

Im a step mom of a 15 year old girl. Theres been a lot of trouble going on with her, but I stay out of it. I dont know the whole story of things that happened before i came along so until I do, I dont feel comfortable giving him advice. She live 2500 miles away and thats hard on him.
Brian is a step father to mine, but our views concerning them are the same, so we have no issues there.
My children were taught to knock on a closed door, but can come in if its open. Our bedroom is open to them, but they know to stay out of our things.
How long have you and your husband been together total? If hes always raised his children with this rule, its going to be hard to just come in and tell him its wrong. Trust me....pick your battles. The "blood" (as lack for better word) parent can get defensive if someone comes in and tells them their parenting skills are wrong. (Been there, done that) I understand that you were raised different, but if you cant reach a compromise, you may have to live with this one.

[countrygirl]

Im a step mom of a 15 year old girl. Theres been a lot of trouble going on with her, but I stay out of it. I dont know the whole story of things that happened before i came along so until I do, I dont feel comfortable giving him advice. She live 2500 miles away and thats hard on him.
Brian is a step father to mine, but our views concerning them are the same, so we have no issues there.
My children were taught to knock on a closed door, but can come in if its open. Our bedroom is open to them, but they know to stay out of our things.
How long have you and your husband been together total? If hes always raised his children with this rule, its going to be hard to just come in and tell him its wrong. Trust me....pick your battles. The "blood" (as lack for better word) parent can get defensive if someone comes in and tells them their parenting skills are wrong. (Been there, done that) I understand that you were raised different, but if you cant reach a compromise, you may have to live with this one.

Nicely put Cindy. It's hard to change the ways of another parent's parenting.

[MOB Karen]

Nicely put Cindy. It's hard to change the ways of another parent's parenting.


There is nothing wrong with remarrying, but believe it or not, this was the reason I never remarried. I, personally, could not let someone come in and tell me how to raise my kids. I'm sort of a psycho when it comes to my kids. I just knew I couldn't do it. I also knew I wasn't going to compromise when it came to my kids either. I guess I had to decide what is more important to me, a man or my kids. For me, I chose my kids. Now that they are grown and gone, I am ready and willing to start dating. LOL!! Just have to find the right man! That will probably never happen, but a girl can dream!!

[countrygirl]

There is nothing wrong with remarrying, but believe it or not, this was the reason I never remarried. I, personally, could not let someone come in and tell me how to raise my kids. I'm sort of a psycho when it comes to my kids. I just knew I couldn't do it. I also knew I wasn't going to compromise when it came to my kids either. I guess I had to decide what is more important to me, a man or my kids. For me, I chose my kids. Now that they are grown and gone, I am ready and willing to start dating. LOL!! Just have to find the right man! That will probably never happen, but a girl can dream!!

I guess my comment was poorly stated. I didn't mean 'change thier ways'. I meant more along the lines of incorporating the two parents' ways. Sorry if that was offensive.

[MOB Karen]

I guess my comment was poorly stated. I didn't mean 'change thier ways'. I meant more along the lines of incorporating the two parents' ways. Sorry if that was offensive.

No, Heather, I didn't find anything you said offensive. I was just telling you guys why I never remarried. Maybe I will one day. My aunt got married for the second time when she was 71 years old. So maybe in 21 years, I'll find my prince charming. A very old prince charming, but still a prince charming. :bbconfused:

[countrygirl]

No, Heather, I didn't find anything you said offensive. I was just telling you guys why I never remarried. Maybe I will one day. My aunt got married for the second time when she was 71 years old. So maybe in 21 years, I'll find my prince charming. A very old prince charming, but still a prince charming. :bbconfused:

Hey, you could rob the cradle!!! I won't tell!!!

[MOB Karen]

Hey, you could rob the cradle!!! I won't tell!!!


Oh, Heather, if I got me a 30 year stud, Amber would just die!!!

[Kacie_bride]

Karen I'm sure you will find someone and then maybe you'll be back on onewed not as the mother of the bride, but as the bride herself!

[CindySue]

There is nothing wrong with remarrying, but believe it or not, this was the reason I never remarried. I, personally, could not let someone come in and tell me how to raise my kids. I'm sort of a psycho when it comes to my kids. I just knew I couldn't do it. I also knew I wasn't going to compromise when it came to my kids either. I guess I had to decide what is more important to me, a man or my kids. For me, I chose my kids. Now that they are grown and gone, I am ready and willing to start dating. LOL!! Just have to find the right man! That will probably never happen, but a girl can dream!!
If there had been any issues between Brian and me over the raising of my kids, we would NOT have gotten married. I had done a pretty good job with the way I was raising them before he came along!

[countrygirl]

Oh, Heather, if I got me a 30 year stud, Amber would just die!!!

I will keep my eyes peeled for you.

[MOB Karen]

Karen I'm sure you will find someone and then maybe you'll be back on onewed not as the mother of the bride, but as the bride herself!


LOL!:D That's my new goal in life!!!

[countrygirl]

LOL!:D That's my new goal in life!!!

Shoot for the starts girl!!!! Your day will come, and we will all be so excited to see you as bride to be!!!

[darkangel090260]

i have two Step children we have one rule about our bed room if the door is open they may come in if it is shut they need to knock befor coming in to the room. However i dont fill room in a home should be off limites to children or adult because if you do that some children will fill negected or like its not there home and make it super uncofterble for them.

You could alway set a system for the children may know that you wish to have some alone time . Like maybe make a red and green sighn and if the green sighn is up then they may come in and if the red one is up then they know it your privet time and to knock .

[CindySue]

You could alway set a system for the children may know that you wish to have some alone time . Like maybe make a red and green sighn and if the green sighn is up then they may come in and if the red one is up then they know it your privet time and to knock .
Thats actually a good idea! That way the kids are not being banned from the bedroom, but theres still privacy allowed for the adults when they want it.