No more MOH

[FutureKelley]

*sigh* I had a very difficult time with my MOH from the moment I asked her. You see, we have been friends since the 7th grade and even though I moved away 4 years ago, we still kept in touch and we would see each other when I would go up to my hometown to visit family. She seemed thrilled when I asked her to be my MOH. She had recently got engaged (to someone she was with for 4 months, but I was very supportive and happy for her) and planned on getting married this Fall. She was happy that we could do wedding planning stuff together.

Well, it quickly fell apart. I tried asking her opinion on bridesmaid dresses... she didn't want to take the time to find any she liked. I asked her for her address so I could send her an invitation and rehersal stuff when the time came, and she "couldn't remember her address". Okay, whatever, she just moved a few weeks ago, it happens I guess? I ended up picking out the dresses with the help of my other bridesmaids and sent her the information on them.

Well, that was almost two months ago. I never heard back from her. I've been trying to call, text and message her on myspace. She won't return ANYTHING. I did find out that she and her fiance split up about the same time (like a week after) and I again tried calling/text/messaging her words of support... still never heard back from her. She found the time to get on myspace to do plenty of other things as well as check the messages I sent but never replied.

I don't know what else to do. She seems to want nothing to do with me anymore and I don't understand why. It's sad that an eight year friendship is ending like this... and now I no longer have a MOH for my wedding. :(

On top of it, my other "friends" from High School said it was too much of an inconvience to travel down here for my wedding and to not expect them here. Nice, huh?

[RosieAngel]

Oh no!! I'm going out on a limb here, but maybe your MOH is just too sad right now to cope, and the wedding is reminding her of her failed engagement? I hope she feels better and resumes her friendship with you! Because that's really sad!

As for your other friends, that sucks. I'm sorry. Seriously, how far away are they? Can they not afford airfare, or are they just being selfish and dumb?

[Layla D. Smith]

Oh, wow. I'm bummed for you.

She may just not be able to think wedding anything right now. Since they split, she's probably emotionally a basket case regarding any wedding anything. And, when you sent her words of support, she may have just felt really even worse, guilty, since she had not responded to you yet. That's tough. Only time will help her. And, if it's too difficult for her to manage, then I would ask one of the other bridesmaids to step into the MOH role.

Be certain to call her, leave her a voice mail & send her an email, explaining that since you haven't heard back from her, that you are sure it's hard for her, and that you don't want her to feel bad or obligated, and so you are okay with her not being your MOH. Don't have to say "I've replace you" that may just hurt worse, but more along the lines of, I realize this is tough for you, so I'm going to assume that you won't be present and move forward with my planning. When you feel better and if you want to talk, then please call me.

Man, that just stinks. But, it happens. She hasn't really done anything nasty, thank god, but that doesn't change the fact that you have to move forward with your planning. You can't just leave something like that hanging. Unfortunately. Time keeps marching on. She probably feels rotten.

I'm so sorry. And, it doesn't have to be the end of your friendship, don't look at it that way. Just look at it that now is not a good time for her.

I hope this helps.

[FutureKelley]

I thought too that maybe it was because she was still feeling hurt and didn't want anything to do with a wedding right now, but trying to contact her just as a friend with support hasn't made any leanway either. She has always been a very flaky person and has gotten worse over the years... I had a feeling the day would come that we would go our seperate ways and I think that time has come.

If she in the end decides to get it together and wants to come, I will happily have her in my wedding. But for now, I'm just going on with life as if she isn't going to show. I was never even going to ever give her MOH duties since she lives 12 hours away, so there isn't any pressure for the other girls. I'm not having a bridal shower thrown for me or anything since every is from out of town, so it's not really a loss other than having one of my best friends not be there.

As for the other friends, I offered to pay for their gas to come down, but they have better things to do apparently. Oh well, we have been growing apart of the years as well, so I didn't expect much out of them.

[Layla D. Smith]

I'm sorry. You're doing the right thing by going about your business. You have enough to worry about now. I'll pray for your friend, and for you! Sounds as if you both could use some support right now.

[gwenshack]

She forgot her address???

Sounds like she's not really into it, sadly. And the address thing is just bizarre. If she can't remember her address how can she remember to be a good friend to you during this time?!?

Hopefully this gets resolved peacefully. You know, it's sad, sometimes friendships just sort of drift away. People change, situations change. But it's still sad. Hopefully this situation won't affect your planning or your sanity! :)

[FutureKelley]

I finally got my friend to get back to me. She let me know that she will not be coming down for my wedding. She said she could not afford to, even though I offered to let her stay at my house for free and I would help for her dress. *sigh* This really sucks.

We are also now having a problem getting in touch with one of the groomsmen, plus FH is about ready to kick his brother out of the bestman position (but that's a whole other story). I'm really starting to wish we didn't have a bridal party, lol.

[RosieAngel]

Aww, I'm so sorry! A close friend of mine (who I wanted to be in my bridal party) also used "lack of funds" as an excuse while going on expensive vacations that cost her more than my wedding would have, so I know how you feel. :hug: It's sad.

How is the rest of your bridal party? If all you had was a MOH and a Best Man, it might be nice to forego the wedding party altogether. I've seen some beautiful weddings where there are no bridesmaids or groomsmen.

[wannabeNurse2]

Oh wow that bites! She may be too hurt by her break up to help you plan or even be your MOH. I feel bad for both of you.

[TonyaP]

If it makes you feel any better I have not heard from my MOH in over a week. I have called three times and e-mailed twice. One time I called she picked up but didn't say anything then hung up. (She has done that before because she was busy but she always called me back.) So, I know she knows I have tried to contact her. I told her in all the messages that I need her to contact me because my grandma wants to know when to throw my shower for me. She is coming down here for something else around the same time so I wanted to know the dates so we can plan to have it while she is here. All she would have to do is show up because my grandma is throwing it. Anyway, I don't know what to do! I don't know if I should say something, in an e-mail I guess, or if I should just keep waiting. If she isn't in it I don't think I will have a MOH because the other one I would pick also lives in another state, after that the other's are low on funds and the only one I know could pull it off wanted to have a Pampered chef party for my shower (Nooooo! I think that is so tacky) I love her but that idea alone really worries me. I guess I should post my own thread because I need suggestions too! I know it sucks but now you can move on and decide where to go from here. I hope she comes around for you! Either way I know you will have a lovely day no matter who is there as long as you and your FH get married.

[LovingLife]

I lost my best friend & MOH during my wedding planning. Our friendship was on the rocks, and it ended up being like a hard relationship then a friendship. :irked: But I have been without drama since I let that go.

Good luck love!