Regret Having Bridesmaid In Wedding

[ENZ]

my wedding day was beautiful & perfect.
i had troubles with a girl the entire way along & everyone told me stick it out, i confronted her, she kept telling me she'd be better, apologized, etc.
now i still can't stand her & she is in my wedding pictures & memories.

i am heartbroken, feel a fool & am so sad i won't even look at my pictures.

what to do. ?? = (

[ally20o7]

my wedding day was beautiful & perfect.
i had troubles with a girl the entire way along & everyone told me stick it out, i confronted her, she kept telling me she'd be better, apologized, etc.
now i still can't stand her & she is in my wedding pictures & memories.

i am heartbroken, feel a fool & am so sad i won't even look at my pictures.

what to do. ?? = (


I understand you're upset, n a few years you'll look back and laugh at what a pain she was. However keep in mind that you cared about her enough to invite her to be in your wedding. While weddings can bring out the best and worst in friends, they're still your friends. It will take a while to get over the hurt, but eventually you will be okay and you will love to look at your pictures.

[ENZ]

Thank you so much for responding.

Your thoughts are kind but i am more struggling with how to end our friendship. there is no doubt i don't want her in my life. my wedding has been over for 2 months now.

i'm 34 & thought i knew better. i originally had 3, then she & i were getting closer so i added a 4th. dumb move i know. throughout the planning she kept doing some very selfish, hateful things. i called her out on them, she would cry, apologize, ask for another chance to be a real friend & i would give in. i feel fooled b/c now everytime we get together...she is still hateful & selfish. i've known her 4 years ... got closer with her the last 2 but the last year it is as if her real colors came out & more people than less warned me of the trouble it would be to remove her from my wedding. so i didn't. but i should have. now i feel there is a black mark on my wedding day. =(

[Aleta]

Don't allow her to be a "black mark on your wedding." Only you can control how you feel. She can't make you feel that way. Embrace the fact that you had a beautiful wedding, that you are married to a man that you love and who loves you.

As for the friendship, just ween yourself away from it. Don't let her make you feel bad.

[ENZ]

hello & thank you.

see you are getting married soon! congratulations! how fun!

i'm getting there & you are right. it's just hard b/c everything else was so perfect when i look back, except that. just feel like i should have gone with my gut 6 months after i made the exception to ask her b/c she was just turning into something that wasn't nice. just feel a fool & like this has somehow direspected my weddding day, meaning & husband. if i have negative feelings about it - how can it truly be good?

thanks again.

[Aleta]

It can be good, because you control your own emotions. Nobody can surgically implant themselves into your head. There's one thing I've learned (the hard way, I'm sorry to say) - you can't change people. BUT.... (and here's the good news) - you CAN change how you react to people.

So, think about how you react to this woman. Now, think about how you can change your reaction to her. Don't see her that often and when you do see the picture, think of the positive things, change YOUR reaction and then you can say it can be good.

It's cliche, but most have a lot of truth, "It's all in the attitude." Your's, not her's.

[ENZ]

You are one wise lady.
You sound like my mom. she's the one i spoke with first about this.

thanks...will work on healing.

=)

[RosieAngel]

Oh no, I'm so sorry!

One of my close friends ended up in the same situation as you. A BM, who the bride thought was a really great friend, decided to be a real pain in the butt during the planning because it wasn't all about her. Why do people do this? I don't get it.

This is going to sound completely juvenile, so I apologize in advance. But she says, when she looks at the pictures of us, she always snickers at the nasty BM, since she looked fat in the BM dress, did her hair up in a bigger updo than the bride and grabbed all of these crystal hairclips when the rest of us were trying to look subdued, and was sticking out her chest to try and make it look bigger! My bride says laughing at how tacky her ex-friend is in the pics really helps.

I know it hurts now, but one day, I hope you'll be able to look back on your wedding pictures with happiness. :hug:

[ENZ]

Hi! What a sweetheart you are for sharing that.

you can tell this is indeed a struggle. your friends outlook is honest & healthy as she seems to see it for what it was. i dealt with the same thing the entire way. i even sat her down a couple times to talk with her to which she would apologize, say she'd be a better friend, etc. It just got worse. i should have removed her but didn't have the heart & certainly while planning a wedding, didn't have the clarity of the entire situation.

she's not in a lot of pics & the formal group ones are not my favorites anyway. just feel i was dumb & didn't really take to heart enough what that day really meant or i would have removed her so i didn't have that regret.

anyway...thank you so much for sharing. very sweet of you & helpful.

[mitch]

When My Parents got Married back in 1954 the Best Man disappeared the night before. So at the Eleventh Hour their Best Man was the "Then Boyfriend" of Dads Cousin. (She was one of the BM's)

Mum used to look at Her Wedding photos and hate the fact this "Stranger" was in the forefront.

In the end She resigned to the fact that nothing could be changed. There was no Photoshop or PC's back then to alter the photos. The day itself was magical. She loved every minute of it. And would have little flash backs to the good points and not about the Best Man.
Photos can be altered now. But the memories are always there. As Aleta said, You can not let this Woman taint Your memories. You had a fantastic Wedding. And no doubt You will have a wonderful life with Your DH.

Concentrate on the good points. Don't let ONE Person upset You to the point where You can't look at photos of Your special day.

Find a really lovely photo of just You and Your DH and get it enlarged to the biggest You can afford. Then look at it on the wall and enjoy the Wedding Day everyday.

[ENZ]

wow.
i am just overwhelmed at the kindness & care given here.
feel selfish almost but the words are healing. thank you so very much.

one's wedding day is so important as you know. my husband & i have worked so hard to love & treat others as we want to be treated. our day was lovely indeed & we felt blessed.

i hope to heal sooner than later & am trying my best to "get there."

thank you so very much for your help & sharing.
congratulations on your wedding & marriage too! just one month! = ) fun.