To invite or not to invite....long

[savvy]

I have this friend (Andrew) that my sisters and I have been friends with for a very long time. He is a part of our family. He is currently dating some crazy chick that no one can stand. She calls up my youngest sister (Juli)at insane hours in the morning and yells at her for various reasons such as because Juli called Andrew to say hi or Andrew called Juli. Whatever. So, she (crazy girlfriend) deleted all of our numbers out of Andrews phone, and burned his phone book. Well, Juli was in town tonight and we all decided to go out. We invited Andrew to come along. He said sure I know that *insert crazy girlfriends name here* will want to go. Now, mind you the invitation was for Andrew only, and he knows we do not like his crazy girlfriend, but he extends the invitation to her anyway. Well, so anyway...we go out crazy girlfriend shows up and it is a total crappy night. Juli was like, why havent you called Andrew...he tells us what crazy girlfriend did and so Juli put her phone number back in Andrews cell phone. So....Crazy girlfriends gets mad and leaves. She left Andrew there without a way home and then calls him from her place of work (a strip club) and then breaks up with him because he "let" Juli put her number back in the phone. Ok..so....Andrew and this crazy girl are on again off again all of the time this was just an example of how silly there relationship is. I do not want this crazy girl at the wedding and I am having serious problems with what to do. I do not want to tell Andrew he can not come if she is going to come with him. But how do I invite Andrew and not her if they happen to be "on again" in their relationship?
~savvy

[robindepaula]

That is a very sticky situation. If you are close enough friends with him, you may be able to sit down & have a heart - to - heart discussion with him about your feelings on the whole situation.

Whatever you decide, remember.....it's your wedding ~ you have the right to enjoy it & not worry about a particular person causing a scene. You do not have to invite her if you don't want her there.

Robin

[WhiskeyGirl]

This is a very sticky position to be in. And I agree with what Robin said. I guess the easiest way, and maybe it might be the rudest way, is to send his invition to just Andrew, nix the "& Guest" part and you have solved your problem! Or as Robin said, sit down and talk with Andrew about your feelings for "crazy gf" and how you would feel if he showed up with her to your wedding. But I'll be honest with you, the way I would deal with this situation, I would just send the invitation to Andrew and leave off the invitation "& Guest" and then only talk to Andrew about this, if he brings it up. (Probably not the proper way to do things, but when it comes down to it, it will probably work!) Good Luck.

~CanadianBride~

[totalia]

Put it this way... would you want to have your significant other not invited to a family members wedding just because someone doesn't like him?

He is close to you. Invite her whether she drives you nuts or not. Invite her because you care about him or you will risk alienating him and damaging your relationship.

I wish I could just not invite my brother in law too. He's a druggie, loud and obnoxious and always ready for a fight. But if my sister wants him there, I will invite him because I love her. My relationship with her is more important than any potential damage he may cause.

[wedbyjean]

Is she his "significant other" or just someone he's dating? If it's serious (fiance, "serious" girlfriend, or spouse of course) then you have to invite the person. If she is just an "on again, off again" kind of dating but not in a "serious relationship" way, then you don't.

If that's the case, and you do not want her at your wedding, don't invite her. Make the invitation out to Andrew only, no "and guest." Since you and Andrew are close, it would probably help if you sit down with him and explain the situation (especially if there will be others who will be allowed to bring an "and guest").

Good luck. Let us know how things turn out.

Jean Neuhart
Weddings From The Heart

[savvy]

Andrew and crazy gf are not in a serious relationship. It is on again off again. When they are on their "off again" stint then they are both dating or rather "hooking up" with other people. They are not engaged nor have they ever been engaged.

[savvy]

Well, thanks to everyone who offered advise on what to do.... now for an update!
'
Andrew called my sisters and I to tell us that we can no longer be friends because he is with *insert gf name here* and she does not want us to be friends anymore.

So his mind is made up and that stinks. I can not believe I lost a friend over a crazy girl. What is even more upsetting is I know that she will be out of his life one day and he is going to be very sorry that he burned so many bridges.

Anyway, thanks to eveyone for the advise, but it looks like I don't have to worry about hurting anyones feelings over this invitation.
~savvy

[wedbyjean]

Hi savvy,

Sorry to hear about Andrew's decision. It's a shame (and should be a clue to him as to what he's getting into) for the gf to make him choose.

If you are even half the friend he once was, I'm sure, given time, he'll be needing your shoulder (and forgiveness).

Jean

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm sorry to hear that Andrew made that decision, and it really does stink. If I was you, I might give it one more shot to talk to him. I know that you can't make his decisions for him, but maybe you should point out to him that crazy girlfriend is and shouldn't be! I hope that it all works out for you and your friend. I imagine he will realize what a jerk he was to listen to her when its too late. At which point, maybe being that understanding friend might be helpful. I guess one can only wait and see how it will turn out and just hope for the best in the long run!

Take care

~CanadianBride~