More stress

[TonyaP]

I sat down and looked at all I have to do to get ready for this wedding. I e-mailed my girls a detailed list of all that I need to do and told them that if that would like to help it would be greatly appreciated. I am doing my flowers and I really want to do them because in order to get the quality that I want either I have to do them myself or pay BIG bucks. I used to be a florist so I can make it kick butt and NO I will not do silks. The thing that is stressing me out is the fact that I would love to be able to afford another 1,000.00 for someone to set up my flowers but I don't have it. When I asked my bridesmaids for help all I hear is you really should have someone from the outside help you with all this so you can relax on your big day but I will do whatever you need. It hurts that they think I am made of money. If they don't want to help that is fine but I don't think they realize that it feels like a slap in the face that they are pointing out I am not paying for someone do it and then I have to explain to them I can't afford it which they all should know. It is always embrassing to admit you don't have money to do something. I love getting waited on more than anything else but I am already going to be 5,000.00 in the hole after this wedding and I am spending way more then that, that we have saved for a year. NO one is paying for my wedding but ME and my FH. I don't have a mom and dad to pay half or for it all. I really wish money was no object and my parents were in a place to help but they aren't. Sorry I just needed to talk to someone not involved so it doesn't hurt anyone or get back to anyone. I am just ready to cry!

[amisteratwisterandme]

I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Are you sure they aren't just worried about you being stressed on your wedding day and that is where it is coming from?

Just plan enough time in there to do everything you need to, ask people you know you can rely on to help, and let the small details go.

I wish you the best!

[TonyaP]

I am stressed about all I need to do but I am more frustrated that I am not getting more understanding. I don't expect people to help me and I also don't want them to tell me to hire someone just because they may not want to help. I want them to support me and I don't feel like I am getting that. I don't know why they would even suggest that I hire someone when they know I can't. I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to but I can't.

[TonyaP]

Well I just got an e-mail from one of my bridesmaids. She coming to town Wed. But will only be able to help me Thurs. evening. She said she can't help me Friday morning but can conveniently make the bridal lunch and rehearsal. She can't help the morning of the wedding either but will be there for lunch. I nned help the morning of MORE than anything else. It must be nice to sleep in. She is from out of town so it isn't like she will have other things to do. Am I wrong to be upset about this? Now I am thinking about spending more money to make everyone happy and hiring a florist to just do everything. This burns my biscuits because I can do it for 1/4 the price but I need help. My bridesmaids just seemed bothered. The ones that did say they would help wanted me to pay someone to do it so in a way they really didn't want to do it but at least they are stepping up. I am not that sure what part the other one is playing. I am to the point that I don't even want this wedding. We can just do it at Sandals save thousands and no one will have to help with anything but my FH doesn't want to. I went out of my way to buy them all really nice gifts and have a bridal tea for them to say thank you. Remind me again what am I thanking (that one) for, more stress? It is like I am bothering them when I finally ask for help. I have not asked for anything until this point. Am I crazy because I thought bridesmaids were there to help make your day be easier by helping you with things.

[TonyaP]

I feel a little better now. I think I was just feeling stressed because I know the more help I would get the easier and faster everything would go. I am ready to throw in the towel now and just put the florist on a credit card (at least for that part and I can still do the other flowers that can be done the day before by myself. I can't make people do things they don't want to do and I can't make them want to do it. I think part of what was bothering me is the people pleaser in me. I don't WANT anyone to have to do anything but I am not in a position to pay for all this help. That is why it frustrated me when my girls wanted someone to do it not just because they didn't really want to help but because I wanted to be able to say okay sure girls no problem that is what I will do. It will just take me another month before I can sell my house and buy a bigger one. Who knows maybe I will win the lottery. LOL! Thank you all for letting me vent. I better chill! I have a long time to go still. I just need to count to ten an calm down! I am going to see my mom this weekend and get away from it all so that should help renew my spirit.

[f77g4]

I dont understand your friend that isn't available of the morning...what could she possibly be doing? Shouldn't she be getting ready herself and helping you get ready? Wow - it's amazing the things you learn about people when you really need to rely on them.

If you can't afford a florist then that is fine and they should respect that. Also, if they don't want to help then fine, you'll remember this for down the road when they need help with something major (although I'm sure you're like me and will still help them) but honestly you can only be "pushed around" so much and you really do start to see people in a different light and it will probably change your relationship with them.

Do you have a sister or future-sister-inlaw that could help? Although your parents can't financially afford to help, can they help you assemble or FMIL?

I wish I were closer as I think it would be so much! I hope my girls will be helpful - I only have 2 - my 18 year old sister who is my MOH and a friend of mine/FH's. Wedding planning is the least of my sister's concern but she will at least go to stores with me and help pick out things, etc. My other girl is from out of town so I've been bouncing ideas off her through email and that seems to be working.

Good luck!

[NOTKT]

I know how you feel. I thought that my BM were supposed to help more, also. Most of the things I tried to get them to help me with, they would drag their feet and I would end up doing it myself.

[TonyaP]

I talked to my mom and she is going to give me extra money so I can hire a florist. Yay! Ask and you shall receive. Thank god! So now the girls will only have to help with the little things like setting up the seating chart with me. As far as the other one she is my FSIL and I will remember this down the road. It is not a good way to start off a joining of families. Oh well at least I only have to see her three times a year.

[f77g4]

That is so awesome of your mom!!!!

I'm glad it worked out!

[bichonlvr]

I see that you are now going to pay the extra, but maybe it is one of those things that they will all step up the morning of! I did my own flowers and it was pretty easy!