How to celebrate Christmas

[girlggc]

How exactly does one go about celebrating Christmas? I'm Jewish so I've never celebrated it, but FH is Catholic, so I'm going to start for his sake. I'm totally overwhelmed by the whole thing. For example, I know I need a tree, but should I go real or fake? I'm thinking of going with a prelit fake because I don't want to chop down a living thing, I don't want to clean up pine needles, I don't want to lug a tree into the house, I don't want to deal with lights, I don't want to deal with keeping the thing alive, and I don't want to deal with disposal when Christmas is over. But FH says a real one is more romantic.

[WebLady]

This is sort of a personal thing; there is no right or wrong way to celebrate. It just depends on what it means to you. So you just do what you feel or want to do with the holiday. I have known some Jewish people that still have a holiday tree. I have heard of some mixed faith couples that have a tree and a menorah. I have heard of other people that don't have a tree at all ;)

Talk to your FH and come up with a way to embrace the holiday that is comfortable for the both of you.

We use an artificial prelit tree for pretty much all the reasons you mentioned, plus I am sort of allergic, and we have dogs that might think they could pee on a real tree ;)

[acidcookie]

I second the motion to do whatever you want! Christmas is my family's biggest holiday even though we have no religion, because it's a very big holiday season for Germans. But most of our celebrating comes on Christmas Eve.

I grew up with a fake tree that my mom decorated so well people always thought it was real. We used the same one for years and now I'm glad because it saved many trees from being cut just to be thrown in the trash!

Funny thing is I have quite the number of Jewish friends now so I end up celebrating Hanukkah with them.

Just make it fun, memorable, magical. The best part for me is the lights, the snowy decorations, and the ornaments :)

It would be great if the two of you started a whole new combined holiday!

[SerendipityCrafts]

Why not just sit back and let FH show you how he has always done it? I am sure he would more than happy to share his traditions with you. Next year, you can then add your own personal spin on the holiday.

You can also teach/show him how you celebrate Hannukah and next year, he can add his personal touch.

[WBandMe]

You don't need to stress about it! There isn't really a right or wrong way to do it, and just about everyone has their own traditions. My best friend's family always gets pizza on Christmas Eve, my family always opens gifts Christmas Eve... just things like that. So really it just ends up being what you want to do. I love Christmas for the music, snow-covered lights, trimming the tree, cookies. I just love the way it feels at Christmas, if that makes sense.

About the tree... I am a big big believer in fake trees. I think real ones are a pain to go get, you have to drag them home and set them up, deal with pine needles and sap and have to keep them watered. No thanks. Plus I'm allergic. I've always had a fake tree but I enjoy stringing the lights myself. Just me :) I agree with the pp, why not just let your FH guide you this year? :)

[sandy03]

I'm all for the pre-lit fake tree. They are so much easier to deal with!

As far as other traditions, I totally second the idea of letting him share his with you, but I also understand the desire to make some traditions your own. My roomie in college was from Nepal so she was Hindu and I got to celebrate her first Christmas with her, which was a lot of fun for both of us. She told me that the thing that she loved the most and helped her "get it" the most was a big book of children's christmas stories I gave her, so that might be a place for you to start!
If he's Catholic, he probably also celebrates St. Nicholas Day. You might want to ask him about that, too.

Just make sure that in adopting new traditions you incorporate your own and don't simply take on his!

[Whitewater]

My family is Catholic on both sides so I can tell you what we do, what's traditional for us, but there's nothing that says you have to do it that way -- I always figure, take what you like and leave the rest!

Some history (Real, religious and fictional!):

Christmas came about originally because Christians celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ. Quite simply, Christmas is Jesus' official birthday. I know a family who celebrates by baking a birthday cake for Jesus :)

December 25th is the official date of Jesus' birth because the very early Church was trying to make some headway and had to deal with druids, Roman and Greek gods, Egyptian beliefs, and all kinds of other religious systems. So what the early Christian Church did was co-opt a Roman winter feast (which lasted for a few days) that in itself had roots with the celtic/druid mid-winter celebrations. The Church tried to stamp out the other celebrations instead of incorporate them, which I think was a mistake. Regardless, that's why Christmas is on the 24th and 25th of December, even though many modern Christians refuse to believe that and insist that Jesus was actually born in the end of December, actual evidence notwithstanding.

Santa Claus (or Father Christmas or Papa Noel, or whoever) came about because of a very early medieval story about a young man who lived in a village and went about secretly doing good works for others, kind of like a one-man charity. Because he was a modest man, he always did his works in secret. So, one day as he was passing by a home, he heard three maidens crying inside the house and stopped to listen to see if there was anything they could do. Turns out, the three girls were sisters and they each wanted to get married, but their father couldn't even afford one dowry, let alone three!! The man thought about it for a while and eventually wound up one night going along to their house with three bundles of coins and other valuables (the story doesn't say, but I'd imagine it was likely spices and probably gold and silver, possibly also lengths of fine wool or other trade-worthy items that were worth a lot of money). He put each of these, one for each girl, into a stocking and tossed them into the house, where they landed at the foot of the bed.

In the morning the girls discovered the three bundles and wouldn't you know, the coins and goods were enough for each girl to have a dowry and get married!

The traditions that come out of this story include:

Hanging your stockings at the end of your bed (Americans hang them up in front of their fireplace, thanks to a poem called The Night Before Christmas) and waking up to find them filled with oranges, candy and small gifts.

The concept of Santa Claus, a jolly man who drives a sleigh pulled by 8 reindeer (again, thanks to Twas the Night Before Christmas) and who leaves gifts for each person in the house -- but only coal if they were naughty! Santa Claus enters the house by sliding down the chimney, and returning the same way.

Originally Santa Claus was considered a mythical elf, or at best a demi-god, and was pictured appropriately with long robes and a beard, sort of like the spirit of MidWinter -- a Christmas Green Man. In the early 20th century, Coca-Cola revamped that image into the one we all know today, of a jolly fat man in a red suit.

Other secular traditions include:

Christmas Trees symbolize the hope of life in the midst of death (a big thing to Christians, what with Jesus' resurrection being a major event in the religion) and are originally German. Prince Albert brought a Christmas Tree over to England for Queen Victoria (she of white-dress fame) and she fell in love with it. Like everything else the royal couple did, Christmas trees became the 'in' trend, and then an established tradition. Christmas trees were originally decorated with lit white candles, a tradition that most deem too dangerous now (with good reason!). Originally Christmas trees were also decorated with ribbons. One of our Christmas tree traditions is to buy one or more ornaments to remember the most significant event that happened that year. This year our significant event is buying our house! I have no idea where we're going to find a 'house' ornament :) Next year, of course, will be the wedding, and that should be easier.

Evergreen boughs and so on are also associated with resurrection and eternal life, etc, and are often decorated with red, white, and gold. Red for the shed Blood, white for the purity of Christ, and gold for the King of Kings.

Holly/Mistletoe is also associated with the Christmas season because it's evergreen. The green leaves symbolize eternal life, the red berries the blood that Christ shed, the white leaves/berries the purity of Christian devotion. If you hang a spring of Mistletoe in a doorway and stand under it, you have to kiss or be kissed by whoever stops. Sometimes this leads to amusing circimstances -- people maneuvering to get kissed, or avoid getting kissed, etc.

Wassailing: This practice is now known as 'caroling'. People get together in groups and go from door to door in the weeks leading up to Christmas singing Christmas Carols (which you can probably find on itunes or, as Christmas gets closer, in any discount CD bin). Originally the wassailers were beggars who would go from door to door in england, singing for a couple coins or a share in the meal, or a place by the fire for the night. Interestingly, there is a strong Norwegian tradition that continues to this day in my neck of the woods that if somebody comes to your door in the Christmas season (defined from the 1st day of December to 12th night, the Fest of the Magi, sometime in mid January) you *must* invite them in and give them something to eat and drink (usually Christmas cookies and a mug of coffee, hot chocolate, tea, or similar). If you don't, bad luck will make your life miserable until the next Christmas season, when you'll have a chance to make up for your miserly behavior! This belief leads to people who never make cookies suddenly going nuts baking, just in case somebody drops by. Oh -- and the other side of the coin is that you need to go visiting at least once, to give people a chance to invite you in!

Christmas Cookies: Found once a year at the Christmas season, these are special cookies that you only make for Christmas. What kind of cookies are up to you. I make vintage cookies that I discovered in a vintage Betty Crocker Cookie cookbook, published in the early 1950's. These include sugar cookies that are frosted, in various Christmas shapes, shortbread, chocolate powered sugar bombs, and Russian Wedding Cakes, among others. In my circle of friends, people get together for cookie-baking sessions, they bring the kids, they churn out TONS of cookies, it's really fun.

Christmas Lights: These brighten up an otherwise very dull winter landscape (that is, if you live in a northern climate like I do) and help people to remember that winter won't last forever. Some people keep their lights up and on all winter, some just for Christmas, some keep their lights up on their houses year round but only turn them on in the wintertime, etc. Lights also have a Christian symbolism in that Jesus is referred to as the Light of the World and the Bible mentions that he 'brings light' and so on.

Heh, wow, this is a long post. Religious, particularly Catholic, traditions will be in my next post.


Whitewater

[Whitewater]

Ok! Some Catholic church traditions :)

One which has fallen by the wayside in modern times but I remember doing when I was a kid was fish-on-fridays. You fast from other meat on Fridays and can only eat fish. This is to prepare you for church, so you come to the Mass in a properly reverent state of mind. Some Catholics do this year round, but most only do it in the weeks leading up to a 'high' holiday, like Easter and Christmas. Christmas is one of the High Holidays in the Catholic Church.

The 4 weeks leading up to Christmas in the Catholic church are called Advent. In my parish we would have special Advent services on Wed. evening and the priest would light one of 4 advent candles. Then after we went home my mother would have a small service at home with our own personal advent wreath. Advent is a time of heightened spiritualness in the Catholic Church, with more church services and more 'stuff' (like Fish Friday) asked of its members.

Your parish will determine what color your candles are.

The Catholics have something called a Midnight Mass, a very pretty and popular service held at midnight between Christmas Eve on the 24th and Christmas Day on the 25th. It's a Catholic tradition that Jesus was born precisely at the stroke of midnight. If you want to go to a Midnight Mass, you might want to get there early, depending on how popular your mass is. The last time I attended a Midnight Mass I went to one of the most popular in the town, and I had to get there two hours early!

The custom of giving presents arose because Jesus was always giving to others, so we do too. Some families open their presents on Christmas Eve, others on Christmas day, and woe to you if you want to do things differently! In our family, as kids we couldn't wait to open presents on the 25th, but it was family custom to wait until Christmas Day to open our presents, so on Christmas Eve we were allowed to open one present, sort of a teaser for the next day :) We still continue this tradition! One present on Christmas Eve, the rest on Christmas Day.

As for the whole fake-vs-real debate, there are pros and cons to both sides. There's even a thread about it here on Onewed! We have a fake tree just because it's easier. Many people don't think it's Christmas without a real one. In the end, it's totally up to you. The more important thing is to HAVE a tree, because the presents go underneath it, and the symbolism of the evergreen and so on.

Oh . . . I forgot about food. When the entire family gets together for Christmas (and they do -- Christmas is a time for community, for family and friends to get together, there's a whole lot of socializing going on!) most people eat turkey, just like at Thanskgiving. But some have goose or duck, and some have fancy lamb or roast beef, it's up to you. But Christmas dinner is always a very fancy, special occasion. My mother breaks out the sterling silver and fine crystal and china! My inlaws don't break out the silver, but *they* have lobster and steak . . . so whatever floats your boat. There is an English tradition of the Yule Log . . .not to be confused with the *actual* Yule Log (you burn it throughout the 12 days of Christmas), but the cake replica. The English have special 'Christmas Cakes' too (Mitch, want to comment?) and cake for dessert seems to be a common theme. Mom makes chocolate trifle. I prefer roast beef and Yorkshire pudding for Christmas dinner!


Hope that helps! There's a TON of stuff I didn't talk about -- google for Christmas traditions and you'll get more information than you probably will ever need to know :)

You might want to read A Christmas Carol by Charles Dickens, too. That book is one of the primary sources that define a modern Christmas.


Whitewater

[ME&HIM]

fake fake fake...yep i use fake.that way next year you dont have to go and kill another living thing for the sake of a holiday

[gwenshack]

I like the idea of honoring both religions during the holiday season. He can teach you some things about Christmas and you can teach him some things about Hanukkah. You can mix and match traditions so both of you feel comfortable and can have a joyous holiday season.
As for the tree, I'm all about no mess! We don't get a tree at all, since we typically go to our respective parents homes in other states, but if we did it would surely be fake!

[Ninedays9]

I think celebrating is all about your own traditions. Mostly, I think Christmas is about getting together with family members and spending time with them.

On the tree decision...there are good and bad things about each. We always had a real tree when I was growing up, and we picked pine needles out of the carpet literally all year long. And we had to make sure there was plenty of water for it. The fake tree we got when I was in high school was much easier.

However! Fake trees are not better for the environment. Yes, it saves a real tree from being cut down, but fake trees aren't really biodegradable. I was reading about this when I wrote an article for on real vs. fake trees for a nature writing class. A few articles I found said that fake trees will be around long after we are done using them. So that's kind of a scary thought, but maybe they've been making them differently since then..?

But nonetheless, the tree we have (set up last year but can't this year 'cause we're not at our own place) is fake. It's my parents' old one. I plan on keeping it for many years, if it'll hold up. I'm actually already looking forward to next year when I can decorate our place again... that's one of my favorite parts about Christmas.

[KMS]

I think that it's so neat to incorporate different cultural/religious traditions. We usually go all out decorating a tree, putting lights on the house, hanging stockings, playing Christmas music all month, etc. It's tradition for my family to pick one lucky present and open just that one on Christmas eve and the rest Christmas morning. Chad's family always opens all of theirs Christmas eve, but he's been following this family tradition with me since we got together so that's what we'll be doing at our own place. :D I love waking up and anticipating opening gifts! We'll also make a pannetone french toast breakfast on Christmas morning as well. Then we'll leave with whatever goodies we made the night before to visit both of our families for the day. Oh my gosh I'm already getting so excited!!!

If we can find an organic tree farm I think it would be neat to start a tradition with friends of going together to chop down our owns trees.



However! Fake trees are not better for the environment. Yes, it saves a real tree from being cut down, but fake trees aren't really biodegradable. I was reading about this when I wrote an article for on real vs. fake trees for a nature writing class. A few articles I found said that fake trees will be around long after we are done using them. So that's kind of a scary thought, but maybe they've been making them differently since then..?


Yeah, I'm battling back and forth between whether to go real or fake strictly from an environmental perspective. Fake trees are still made in a way that's really bad for the environment...PVC. And I think that something like 85% of them are made in China and transported in so I can only imagine what damage the production does to the communities around those places since their regulations are so low. On the other hand, a lot of harmful pesticides are used to grow the real trees. Some places have live tree rental where you can rent a potted Christmas tree. I think that's awesome, but there are none around here. I'm actually looking for a local organic tree farm though.

[NurseLau84]

I absolutely hate fake trees, so of course I would recommend a real one. You don't get that wonderful pine smell from a silly plastic thing. It's really nice that you are going to celebrate xmas with your dh. :D It's my favorite time of year!!

[mj512]

Every person/faith celebrates differently. We always go for a real tree, I love the smell of it, and the excitement that I remember as a kid of my dad bringing it into the house and trimming it and then we sorted through all of the ornaments while dad put the lights on. So having a real tree is important to me. DH and I got a cheap fake one last year for our first Christmas because we were in a tiny apartment and we had found one on sale right after Christmas the year before. This year we will certainly get a real one....

We do all of the gifts, and food and family and decorations as a celebration of Christ's birth. I personally don't think Jesus was actually born on December 25th, I'm not sure that anyone really knows for sure they date, some think it was more like June/July. Christians picked December 25th, a long time ago because it used to be a huge pagen holiday and they wanted to tell people about Christ by overshawdowing it.

Christmas for us starts the day after thanksgiving (though I have already started to listen to Christmas music hehe) Then the week of Christmas we go various places, like grandparents, aunt's uncles and such. Usually the 23rd we go to my dad's side of the family. Christmas eve, evening my mom's side of the family goes to my mom's house we have soup (Veggie Soup and Cheeseburger Soup) then go to the Church service in town, then come back for a few gifts and visiting. Christmas morning, we open gifts with immediate family and then we used to go to more of my dad's side family (my dad has a birth mom and step mom). Then Christmas evening we always go to my Aunt who lives down the street from my parent's house for italian beef and games.

Everyone has their own traditions, so everyone thinks of Christmas differently. I think of Christ, traditions, family, gifts, music and of course food!

This year will be a little different for DH and I though, since we used to live close to my parents in Indiana, but now we live in Florida-- we are going back "home" though on the 23rd :)