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View Full Version : Pros and Cons of Destination Weddings


RosieAngel
10-15-2008, 03:34 PM
Since I am a newlywed who had a DW, I thought I would share my experiences with mine! Maybe other DW brides can add to it?

The Good:

We lived together for nearly 5 years before marriage, and this was a way to turn the wedding into an exciting milestone.

It was a sure-fire way to keep the guest list small with only people who really wanted to be there in attendance. A small guest list meant we could splurge on the nice stuff: open bar, delicious food, amazing cake. It was also an intimate and friendly environment. Many of our guests who had never met before were exchanging phone numbers and email addresses to keep in touch at the end of the weekend!

The location (Catalina Island) was GORGEOUS, and there was lots for our guests and us to enjoy! We went on adventure tours, on the glass-bottom boats, hiking, kayaking, scuba-diving, swimming in the ocean, sunning, shopping, getting massages at spas, karaokeing at clubs... I'm sure I'm forgetting some things.

Our officiant/family friend rented this awesome vacation rental home, which guests could stay at for around $40 a night and cook their own meals in. This kept things super-cheap for nearly everyone! We chipped in for a couple of our especially poor guests (shh, it's a secret)! Our wealthier guests enjoyed some of the beautiful hotels on the island, and our wedding suite? WAS AMAZING. It was big enough to allow guests to come and hang out.

The Bad:

Drama from family who would have had to travel anyway. Our families were scattered over the world, and we were hard-pressed to think of any one location where they were clustered. We thought it would be a good idea to just pick a nice place for all to enjoy, but nobody except my father and a couple of his English family seemed to like our solution. Many of them thought it would be cute to boycott our wedding because of it. But you know? Nobody missed them. :D

The dress. If you're planning an island destination wedding, please reconsider choosing a princess dress with all of the trimmings, like I did. Everyone told me to wear a light, airy destination wedding dress, but I wanted to look like a PRINCESS on my day and I refused to listen to anyone. I looked great, but I was a hot, sweaty, disgusting mess under that heavy skirt nearly all night long. Totally gross.

Family in paradise. While this was kind of a pro, since it was great seeing everyone and having fun, DH and I had no time to ourselves. We took one, 45 minute walk up to Lover's Cove, only to be called by his Mum telling us that she got us a reservation at the cutest Italian restaurant, and could we be back in half an hour? The

The UGLY:

Babysitting people into making proper travel arrangements. 90% of my wedding planning and stress involved coordinating rooming, finding people hotel/house buddies, rearranging said house buddies when they decided that they wanted to stay with other people, and making sure they jumped on the right ferries. The flower-girl's mom did NOT plan ahead like I asked her to, so she ended up staying with my father in his room. One of my guests was adamant about camping on the beach and was setting up a sleeping bag while we were walking back to the hotel room (we talked her out of it and offered her crash space on the floor of the vacation rental home). One of my BMs missed their ferry, and another guest got the one going to the port on the opposite side of the island, and called me, hysterical. FMIL, who was supposed to stay with Great Auntie and Old Family Friend of DH's, changed her travel plans to stay with English Cousins and FORGOT TO TELL THEM THIS UNTIL THEY WERE ON THE ISLAND AND DIDN'T HAVE A ROOM. We had to scramble to find them a place that wasn't already booked clean through, as there was a Blues Festival going on that weekend. I used to think my friends and family were cool, mature adults. Now I think that everyone except MOH is a big baby.

mrsg2b
10-16-2008, 10:16 PM
WOW, thanks for such an honest account of what you went through, the good, the bad and the ugly. I think everything you've listed as problematic has either been brought to my attention by a pushy family memeber or I've seen myself as a potential problem in this planning process. I definitely know a lot of ppl in my family would raise a stink and "boycott"... The less the merrier in that case I say!
I was also worried about people being around all day vying for our attention so much we wouldn't get a free moment to just honeymoon!

Nothing bad that happened has swayed me away from a DW... I'm still leaning heavily towards it & if we do travel I will be SURE to get a different dress!

RosieAngel
10-16-2008, 10:25 PM
The less the merrier is right! It was the perfect choice for us! I think those who did attend made it into the joyful, intimate celebration it turned out to be! All of the "cool relatives" and important friends were there, and those who weren't would have just dragged the party down if they came, I think.

gwenshack
10-18-2008, 10:11 PM
Rosie,

I SO know what you're saying. Mid-planning, I'm surprised how many people who would be willing to travel from the mid-west to Virginia (had we gotten married where I'm from) or from the mid-west to California (where we reside) but are coming up with excuses as to why they can't travel from the mid-west to Vegas.
It's the "you'd have to travel anyway" thing that makes me laugh.
I'd say that SO FAR the pro's still outweight the con's for me on this destination wedding thing.
I'd say the top pro for me is keeping the guest list short. Very short. The shorter the better. Neither of us wanted to invite people who weren't our nearest and absolute dearest, so this really helps cut the fat without hurting too many feelings.
I'd say the cons for me right now are that I have to rely on e-mail and the phone to make decisions. I can't meet the vendors face to face. I did meet the contacts at the hotel in Vegas when I went there last, so it was nice to put a face with a name. But I am reliant on people returning phone calls, etc.
I'd say the other con is how much stuff I'm going to have to cart to the destination.
I also have the negative response we fear we may get from some people who get to Vegas and then hate it. We love it, but it's not for everyone, and we fear how certain family members are going to react to the general Vegas vibe.
But all in all, this is the best decision for me.

Great thread idea, Rosie!

RosieAngel
10-19-2008, 01:36 AM
Rosie,

I SO know what you're saying. Mid-planning, I'm surprised how many people who would be willing to travel from the mid-west to Virginia (had we gotten married where I'm from) or from the mid-west to California (where we reside) but are coming up with excuses as to why they can't travel from the mid-west to Vegas.
It's the "you'd have to travel anyway" thing that makes me laugh.
I'd say that SO FAR the pro's still outweight the con's for me on this destination wedding thing.
I'd say the top pro for me is keeping the guest list short. Very short. The shorter the better. Neither of us wanted to invite people who weren't our nearest and absolute dearest, so this really helps cut the fat without hurting too many feelings.
I'd say the cons for me right now are that I have to rely on e-mail and the phone to make decisions. I can't meet the vendors face to face. I did meet the contacts at the hotel in Vegas when I went there last, so it was nice to put a face with a name. But I am reliant on people returning phone calls, etc.
I'd say the other con is how much stuff I'm going to have to cart to the destination.
I also have the negative response we fear we may get from some people who get to Vegas and then hate it. We love it, but it's not for everyone, and we fear how certain family members are going to react to the general Vegas vibe.
But all in all, this is the best decision for me.

Great thread idea, Rosie!

Yeah, I was floored by the "It's too far to travel!" people, especially because it was actually closer for some than San Francisco! But oh well. Quality guests over quantity guests! :grinhappy:

In my case, I hired a wedding planner and took a day-trip there to meet all of the vendors in person beforehand, so the planning from afar thing wasn't so bad.

I think that the biggest challenge in planning, aside from rooming everyone, was keeping the stuff factor under control. I tried my darndest to choose a really pretty space that needed little to no decorations, and kept the ones I did need to a minimum, one pillar candle per table with some rose petals that the florist would provide on-site. I didn't really view it as a con, though. It really heped me keep things simple, which was a goal of mine.

I was also worried about how people would enjoy the island, but they all loved it! Most people were sad to leave the island in the end. I hope it works as well for you!

tortoisegirl
10-19-2008, 02:18 AM
It was great to hear more about your wedding. I grew up close to Catalina and it's a beautiful place. =)

My wedding is feeling like a destination wedding because all our friends and family have to fly in, and I'm still not familiar with the area since we're new here.

flyerso6
10-19-2008, 09:24 AM
I also had DW, on a cruise. Like you said most of my wedding stress wasn't due to picking out a dress or BM frustrations (they were great by the way). It was making travel plans and constantly nagging the guests about booking their cruise. In the end they all wished they would have done it when i first said too because everyone ended up paying more for their non window rooms than we did for our window room. It was telling people over and over again to book their hotel rooms for the night before, some missed out on the group discount because they waited till the very last min. But the great thing was I had a blast and our familes really got to know one another. It was the vacation of a life time because I know those same 20 people will never go on a cruise with us again, but for that one week they did and had a great time.. The down side is it wasnt really a honeymoon, yeah we had some time to ourselves but every where we went when we were trying to be alone we ran into someone haha.

NurseLau84
10-23-2008, 07:46 PM
We had a destination wedding this summer in Jamaica! It was so much fun, and I am glad we didn't dump $30k onto a one day party. I would recommend it to anyone...!

RosieAngel
10-25-2008, 11:30 PM
We had a destination wedding this summer in Jamaica! It was so much fun, and I am glad we didn't dump $30k onto a one day party. I would recommend it to anyone...!

I know what you mean! My DW cost a very small fraction of what it would have been had we done it locally!

BarceloMayaPalaceBride
10-26-2008, 11:27 AM
Aww, I'm sorry you had some "mis-haps" with your DW. Thanks for sharing the pro's and con's you've encountered. I hope you still enjoyed your wedding!! I am planning a DW in Mexico, and have to say that EVERYTHING has been so easy and stress-free! From the travel arrangements to the dress to the invites and OOT bags. I have 2 wonderful WC (one in Colorado and one in Mexico) and they take care of it all. We are also only having about 17 guests all of which are our immediate families, siblings, and 1 or 2 best friends. I think the size of the group has a lot to do with it. I can see how it would get stressful if there were a bunch of people flying in and no one had their rooms taken care of. (Sorry you had to deal with that RosiesAngel) That's unfortunate that people can't act like adults and make their own travel arrangements :( My FI and I decided to stay several extra days in Mexico, so we can have some private time ;) I'm sorry you and your FI didn't get a lot of time together :( Maybe you could plan a 6 month Anniversary trip somewhere fun? I bet your familes were so excited for you, and wanted to try and create a romantic evening for you, when in fact you just needed time to hold hands and be together on the beach. Gotta love families ;) Do you have any pics for us to see?

RosieAngel
10-30-2008, 08:21 PM
Aww, I'm sorry you had some "mis-haps" with your DW. Thanks for sharing the pro's and con's you've encountered. I hope you still enjoyed your wedding!! I am planning a DW in Mexico, and have to say that EVERYTHING has been so easy and stress-free! From the travel arrangements to the dress to the invites and OOT bags. I have 2 wonderful WC (one in Colorado and one in Mexico) and they take care of it all. We are also only having about 17 guests all of which are our immediate families, siblings, and 1 or 2 best friends. I think the size of the group has a lot to do with it. I can see how it would get stressful if there were a bunch of people flying in and no one had their rooms taken care of. (Sorry you had to deal with that RosiesAngel) That's unfortunate that people can't act like adults and make their own travel arrangements :( My FI and I decided to stay several extra days in Mexico, so we can have some private time ;) I'm sorry you and your FI didn't get a lot of time together :( Maybe you could plan a 6 month Anniversary trip somewhere fun? I bet your familes were so excited for you, and wanted to try and create a romantic evening for you, when in fact you just needed time to hold hands and be together on the beach. Gotta love families ;) Do you have any pics for us to see?

Cool, it looks like you got it all figured out! I can't wait to see your pics once you get married!

I still had a wonderful time in Catalina at the wedding, despite not having any alone time with DH! We really don't regret our decision!

I'm still waiting on professional pics to come in, but I have a couple here:

http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=21590
http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=21133

We are also planning a "Honeymoon" for the day we met anniversary (April 4th)! We're planning on going to Hawaii! No family invited!

BarceloMayaPalaceBride
10-31-2008, 10:13 AM
Cool, it looks like you got it all figured out! I can't wait to see your pics once you get married!

I still had a wonderful time in Catalina at the wedding, despite not having any alone time with DH! We really don't regret our decision!

I'm still waiting on professional pics to come in, but I have a couple here:

http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=21590
http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=21133

We are also planning a "Honeymoon" for the day we met anniversary (April 4th)! We're planning on going to Hawaii! No family invited!

That's great! Thanks for sharing the pictures they are beautiful!!! :)