New Baby Basics -- Help!

[Whitewater]

Ok, so my sister in law was pregnant again. Now, they're going to do her Cesarian a week early and she's going to give birth to Fiance's 2nd nephew TOMORROW. yes, Saturday, 10/11/2008.

Not being a big baby kind of person, and not having any experience with this kind of thing, I need some help!

What should I do for my SIL, if anything? How long will she be in the hospital? When should I call and ask if I can do anything? Should I offer to babysit the 1st nephew, who will turn 3 in a week?

Should I cook the new family a casserole or something for dinner? Send them a card? my SIL didn't want a shower, but my MIL thought it might be nice, a bit after the baby was born, to give gifts then. In our family we always give a pewter cup or picture frame or something, it's tradition. I know she'd like that -- a picture frame, I mean.

And what about the new baby? Will they want me to hold him, or something? I don't know *anything* about newborns and the very thought of a little bitty baby kind of freaks me out because I don't know what to do with him. I don't want to hurt him, or whatever.

The closest I've gotten to a newborn was in the movies . . . .

Those of you who have had new babies in your family, what's the usual procedure? Are their specific social expectations? What do I do now?

Help!


Whitewater (who doesn't want to do the wrong thing . . . )

[EarlyBird]

i looved your post. It made me smile cuz i could really see the concern and well. a bit of panicky nature :)
With a c-sec, she should be in there at least 2 days. Maybe see if you can go up with mil and fiance to see her and the baby on day 2. It would be nice at that point to bring a picture frame and flowers. At that point, you may want to ask "is there anything i can help with, maybe cleaning up around the house, watching the 3 year old (although since you are not a big baby person, you may want to leave this out) or maybe help with dinner, i could always cook extras of what we are having and bring over some stuff for the week" Its a nice gesture. I would say not necessary but since its your sil it would be the right and NICE thing to do :) No need to go above and beyond, but to be honest, babies are NOT as fragile as you may think. If she wants you to hold him/her just find one of the cozy chairs in the maternity room (they always have cozy chairs) and have somebody bring the baby to you (i dont like walking with other's kids) Hold him or her for a few minutes and smile :) Even if its the ugliest kid ever.. remmeber, you have NEVER seen such a beautiful baby :)

[EarlyBird]

and i just want to add that NOT showing interest in the new baby.. holding him or her etc, can sometimes offend a new mom. so you may want to go as far as you feel comfy with but still try to hold him or her..

Also, i always like to bring a little baby outfit when i go visit a new mom in the hospital. Most times they have enough, but i know its not something alot of people bring and most times, they wind up bringing baby home in the outfit i gave :) It always makes me feel happy when that pic with "my" outfit is the announcment "we brought home bouncing baby girl/boy _____"

[rainbowtreat]

Around here with a c-section you are in the hospital for atleast 3 days, 2 with a normal delivery. So you may want to find out when she will be going home. Also find out if she even wants company at the hospital. I know I loved having people come and visit but have also known others to not want the visitors. They wanted that time to rest before going home with the baby. So find out for sure what her wishes are. Also if you get a gift, do something like a basket or something with a few small things. Liek a small bag of diapers and wipes, some wash clothes, onsies, socks, burb cloths. Anything will do. I had a friend bring me a small diaper bag ( for a quik trip to the store or some where where a huge diaper bag was not needed ), she put a couple of outfits and some booties inside. I loved it and am still using that diaper bag today and Grady is 15 months old.

As for holding the baby, I would not be upset if you didn't want to hold my baby. Not every one is a baby person. And let her know your are here to help no matter what she needs. But also remember that moms have a tendacy to not ask for help. So making a dish for the family is a great idea. Also when you stop in to see them once they are home offer to play with the older child. I am sure he will be glad to show you his room and his favorite toys. It is important he doesn't feel left out.

I hope very thing goes well with her tomorrow. And I hope you figure out what you want to do.

[amisteratwisterandme]

:D:DWe always have babies in our family! (Not mine though)

I agree with EarlyBird and RainbowTreat with most, but I think I would automatically make sure to take a dish to their home for them, and possibly help FBIL with making sure the house is ready for her to come home to.

Offer to take the 3 year old out to McDonalds. I know in my family the siblings usually feel left out and a bit upstaged. Thier whole universe just changed as they went from the baby to the big sibling. That way you can watch the 3 year old for a little while, but shouldn't get overwhelmed with him, and he gets a "special treat."

We also make a decoration for the hospital door. I guess this is done in Texas, which is where my brother's GF is from. You get a giant bow, with ribbons hanging down, and decorate it with either stickers (baby stuff, baby name, weight) or little pacifiers and stuff. I have done this for my niece and she still has it up in her daughters room 4 years later. I think it cost me about $10-$15 dollars total. Sorry I don't know the correct name for it.

If you do flowers, I would try to put them in a vase that is representing the baby, something blue or pink or teddy bears or something that they will want to keep afterwards.

OH YEAH, CONGRATULATIONS :D

[Whitewater]

Fiance seems to think that they'll be out of the hospital on Monday, so if we come over on Tuesday bearing a few day's worth of food, like muffins and salads and chopped fruit and so on, that would be the best thing to do. He talked with his brother (the kid's father) today on the phone, so I'm guessing that my BIL told Fiance what SIL wants.

Apparently visiting her in the hospital is not an option! :) SIL has also saved all of 1st nephew's baby clothes for this new baby boy (they've known for a while that they were going to have a second boy) and she swears blind that she doesn't need anything like that.

A care package of diapers and stuff, like you were saying, might be nice though. And the food, as aforementioned.

Her parents and other sister (SIL's own sister and her sister's husband, confused yet?) are taking turns looking after Nephew #1, so that's taken care of.

You're right, I am kind of panicking, I mean, I'm 34 years old and never been anywhere near a new baby. Never experienced anybody close to me being pregnant. Never visited a new mom in the hospital. Never held a little baby.

Babies just haven't been a part of my world . . . until now! And I don't know the first thing about them, or what to do.

I'm terrified that I'm going to do something wrong and hurt the baby or make my SIL mad at me forever.


Whitewater

[ally20o7]

LOL You came to the right place. I'm sure several of these girls grew up in a family like me where there's a baby at least every 2 years.

Don't force your help on SIL, but let her know that if she needs it, the offer is there. If you're uncomfortable holding the baby, then the first time you do, sit down on the couch by the arm and stick a pillow under the elbow that little guy's head will be in. I know you'll be uncomfortable, but try to relax as much as you can. You'll get the hang of it. If you really want to get her a present, look around for a "big brother/little brother" shirt and onesie for the boys. Or even the picture frame.

I wish you the best of luck. Having nieces and nephews is AMAZING.

[amisteratwisterandme]

Babies don't break very easy. They really aren't all that fragile either. But you know what? Holding a brand new life in your arms that hasn't been prejudiced or shaped or bigoted is the best feeling in the entire world.

And the unconditional love? Specially as an Aunt, is awesome. My nieces, nephew, and now my great niece and nephew love me like crazy, as I do them. It is easy to always be happy and excited to see them when you don't have to do the raisin'

[soontobemrs]

How about something for mom? I know I'm usually all excited to buy baby clothes and stuff (something about baby clothes and those tiny little socks..HAHA) but how about a nice gift for the new mom - a new pair of pajamas, robe and slippers or something that. Just a thought :D

[WebLady]

I was sort of freaked about my niece when she was little too. I was the last one to hold her when she came home; really it was just long enough for a picture and that was about it. I was most worried she'd spit up or pee on me or something.

I would help my sister with her as much as I could when we'd be out together and all, but I didn't change any diapers or spend any alone time (baby siting and such) with her until she was potty trained. She is 4 now and I can handle her fine as long as she behaves ;)

My brother's GF (well, they are broken up now) is going to have twin girls sometime in late December/early January, so I am not sure what to do about the whole 2 thing.

Anyway, I am sure you will be fine ... congrats Auntie :)

[joeyz_gurl]

:) Even if its the ugliest kid ever.. remmeber, you have NEVER seen such a beautiful baby :)

lol, your post just made me laugh out loud in an office... yes i am working on Saturday... (well working and surfing onewed)...

but ditto everything everyone else said... Congratulations~ Babies aren't that scary once you relax!

[ikkin510]

I like to do a little gift for the older siblings too. Something simple like a small today, a bag of those goldfish crackers, a coloring book. They watch the baby get so much that it's nice to give them somethign too!

[kgvettegirl]

Speaking as a big sister I can vouch for the nose getting out of joint when everyone is oooohing and awweeeing over the new baby. It is reported that I enquired when the yucky baby was going back to where he came from. I was 4. Didn't have a problem with my sister cause I was only 2 and she really didn't register except as a doll baby. I love those Big Brother/Little Brother shirts. When the granddaughter was born we got her big (step)sister and her a set.

I'm sure any help in food would be appreciated.

[Whitewater]

Well, we went over there briefly last night and it was . . . a little odd, quite frankly.

BIL did the typical new father thing -- he left us a voice mail asking us to bring him some McDonald's 'cause he hadn't eaten anything all day and he told us that visiting hours were over at 6pm, but he neglected to tell us which hospital they were at, or what room # they were in :) LOL!

Nephew #2 is a very good looking baby, no need to lie politely here! SIL said he had yet to have his first bath but he still looked good, to me, anyway. She totally wasn't offended when I declined to hold the baby, which was nice. I mean, she's the understanding sort. #2 is probably going to have red hair, at least for the beginning of his life, and quite possibly his eyes will remain blue.

Nephew #1 was there too and the poor kid, when we all had to leave and he was told that he was going to have to leave without his mom, he threw a first-class fit. It was their first time being separated overnight and I can totally understand the kid's reaction -- if I was 3 and somebody told me that *I* couldn't be with my mom when I wanted to, I'd throw all kinds of fits too. He was having a lot of trouble with the idea of leaving without his mom and dad, and both of his parents were in tears too by the time N#2 got bundled into the car with Grandma and one of his other aunts. He's not a kid that throws fits, as a regular rule, I've known him for two years and this is the first time I've seen it from him -- but it was a major deal, too. :(

It was their first time being separated from their son, also. People said all the right things but you just took one look at BIL and SIL (who were both in tears) and you just knew words wouldn't help.

SIL was grateful for our offer to bring them some meals and she says she'll get in touch with us about what she wants. Now they're saying that she won't get out of the hospital until Tuesday. She's already planning a family get-together for this weekend :) SIL was in pretty good spirits today, all things considered, laughing and taking pictures like mad. She says that tomorrow and Monday will be bad, physically, based on what happened with Nephew #1, and she's not looking forward to that, but she feels ok.

When we left, after her older son had been carried out, screaming that he wanted to stay with 'mom-mom', I didn't intend to try to lift her spirits but it happened anyway, I told her we could show each other our scars (I have had an ovary and fallopian tube removed, so yeah, it looks like I've had a C-section myself!) and she laughed a little bit. I wasn't intending to be funny but hey, whatever works. I know that with a fresh abdominal incision you don't want to laugh!

So at least the visit ended on kind of a good note. It was a good visit -- oh, here's a funny, Nephew #2 slept the whole time except once when Fiance was holding him he opened his eyes. After taking one look at Fiance's face, N#2 rolled his eyes and went back to sleep! LOL! I know it was just a reflex or something but it was still funny. It was just as if he was saying 'Yikes! Whatever!'

Most of SIL's blood family were there, my own MIL (Fiance's brother is her husband) and FIL are on vacation to Europe since we didn't expect this to happen for another week at least. But they'll be back soon enough. MIL will be sorry to have missed it -- we've been trying to get in touch with them but nothing seems to work.

The emotions in the hospital room were very strong even before N#1's reaction. I was relieved to see my SIL acting like herself, though she looked very pale and tired. She was drinking water out of a nalgene-like container (with a straw) and was actually more awake and 'with it' than I would have been under the same conditions. *and* she was dealing with her 3 year old too, I was in awe. Helping him color and whatnot.

It was an interesting half-hour or so, our visit tonight.


Whitewater

[rainbowtreat]

Nice to hear it went well. I know what you mean about the 3 yr old. When my 2nd child was born it was the first time I was ever seperated from my almost 2 yr daughter. It was hard. I actualy have my husband ( ex now ) go home with her so she had some one and she was at home. I enjoyed the time alone with the new baby before going home with every one there.

You can look forward to many more visits I am sure. And you will be holding that new baby before you know it. Before long his mom will be handing him off to do something with her other son and get other things done. He wont break I promise you lol.