More Problems....

[WhiskeyGirl]

Yup yet again another post with yet again more problems from family. I really am beginning to think that the best way to get married is to elope! Case in point: We have planned our ceremony to be on the farm where we live with my fiance's parents, and brother and sister in law. (All in seperate houses, in different locations.) However our reception is about a half hour away in a bigger city in a fairly fancy hotel. The site will cost us a fair penny, along with catering and all the extras that will go with it. The guests have an option to stay right there at the hotel, but it is a little expensive. The rooms range in price, starting at $80.00 - 210.00 a night. I understand that my family members do not have a whole lot of money, but a few years ago when my cousin and his wife got married at a Lodge in the mountains we all had to shell out 100.00 a night for a room. Now they are all complaining that it costs too much to stay at the hotel where our reception will be held. Two of my aunts have gone so far as to ask if they can park their campers on our land and drive back after the reception. The thing is that both me and my fiance do not feel comfortable with this plan, and know that his parents definately WILL NOT go for this. There are plenty of other (Cheaper) hotels in this city but I don't feel like I should have to organize the information for them, there are enough little cards and sheets of paper in our invitations already. How should I go about letting them know that they don't have to stay at the same hotel as the rest of us without having to call each one of them individually and running up my phone bill!? How do I tell them that we don't trust them to stay on the farm and not come home to find one of the kids has been hurt because they were doing something that they shouldn't have been? I'm sick of my family throwing these problems at me, when infact they all shelled out the money to stay in a hotel at my cousin's wedding but won't do it for me? I'm getting pretty mad :twisted: at all of them for constantly doing this to me. I know its my wedding but I can't tell them where to stay. And at this point I just want to cancel sending them all invitations because of their constant :x complaining. Should I just tell my mom to inform all of her sisters that they can stay where ever they want, but just stop harassing me?

Maybe I just need to know that I am not the only person dealing with family constantly whinning about the way that you are planning your wedding and that, it is fairly normal.

[savvy]

You have done your part by informing them where the block or rooms is at. If your guests do not want to stay at the hotel you have picked out, then they do not have to. You have done this as a coutesy to them. If they do not want to or have the money to stay there, then it is the guests responsibility to find somewhere else to stay if they need a hotel.

I was freaking out about the cost of the hotel we selected, but we aslo did a second group block at another hotel that is cheaper. The guests then have two options. If they do not like either one of them or if they are "brand loyal" then they can find another hotel but on their own. If they come to me or finace and ask us if we know of any other hotels in the area then yes, we would tell them the other hotels that we know of.

As far as your aunts asking if they can park their campers on your land so they do not have to pay for a hotel....how rude! I can not even believe they asked you that. I hope everything works out for you. I am sorry to hear that you are getting a bunch of **** from family during what should be a wonderful time/experience of your life.
~savvy

[As You Wish]

Oh yes- it is normal. Family will make you crazy- They often just think of this as a family reunion and forget that this is your special day.

My cousins brought there kids to the wedding- even after I (hopefully politely) told them I would rather none of them came if they had to bring kids. We were trying for a small wedding with a nice dinner and didn't have the money to pay for cousins kids.

One of the kids ended up with the real champagne instead of the sparkling cider then my aunt got made at me for having alcohol so readily available at a party with kids there. Go figure!

[robindepaula]

Just tell them no, it is not alright if they park their campers on your property. Let them know that there are other hotels readily available if the one that you blocked rooms at is not to their liking/buget.

Just let it go . . . don't let it upset you! If they want to come to your special celebration, then they will make arrangements at a hotel of their choice.

Robin

[Am3na]

I did the same as savvy did. My wedding was planned at a high priced resort, but we also found a place a few miles away that was about a quarter of the price.

My parents did end up paying for a lot of her family and the wedding party, which I did not like but it was their chioce.

About half the guest list (about 60 people) stayed at the resort with us (about 200.00 a night with 2 meals included) and the others stayed at the hotel.

We did not end up with any complains in the end - thank God!

During the course of wedding planning you are going to run into family hassels. I know a had a few.

[wedbyjean]

And at this point I just want to cancel sending them all invitations because of their constant complaining.

Have the invitations been mailed yet? If not, have they been sealed?

If they haven't, I suggest booking a block of rooms at another, less pricy, hotel as well and include this info with your enclosures. This will give your guests a choice, and (hopefully) less reason to gripe. As far as setting up campers on the property, definitely tell them no. You have no obligation to bend over backward trying to accommodate everyone's whims. Besides, it's not just your property, there are others who live there. I'd me upset if someone gave permission to park their camper on my property.

Good luck,

Jean

[WhiskeyGirl]

No, we have not sent away our invitations yet, to the one's who are complaining so much. (They live in the same province as us, we have already sent the other one's that needed to go to Germany and to another province in Canada away already.) With the case of the ones that are doing the complaining, they live very close to the city where we are having our reception and i don't understand why they can't do their own research and stop harassing me and making my planning harder. We also just had a hiccup with where we are having our reception. The lady who was originally working there and helping us, either got fired or quit. So now we have to go and meet the new lady. Sometimes i think that it would be easier to Elope and get married in Vegas, but I think my mom and dad would be dissapointed that they couldn't be there. (Lol) I guess I will keep plugging away planning the wedding the way we want it to be and ignore what the "complainers" are saying, I don't have time for it and You all are very right, this is my wedding and IT IS going to be a happy and fun occasion regardless of wether or not my family members are happy, it only matters if my fiance and myself are happy!!

[wedbyjean]

i don't understand why they can't do their own research Because most guests who need lodging do not know the area and where to go, and it's a courtesy to provide this little bit information to them. It doesn't cost anything on your part (since you aren't the one having to pay for the rooms) and it's only a matter of a phone call or two to book a block or rooms at another location.

As far as the lady you were working with at the reception site no longer being there and now having to work with someone new. Rest assured, this happens all the time! It is frustrating having to rehash all the details, but necessary to make sure the new person has a correct understanding of everything that has been agreed upon so far. Which is another reason it's so important to get everything in writing.

ignore what the "complainers" are saying
it only matters if my fiance and myself are happy

Yes, ignore the complainers. You can't please everybody all the time. You'll go nuts trying, and there are some people who will find things to complain about anyway. But I have to disagree when you say it only matters if the two of you are happy. When all is said and done, the happiness of the bride and groom is most important. However, as a courteous host/hostess, an attempt to satisfy your guests' basic comfort/expectations needs to be made. You can't invite someone to an event (whether it be a bar-b-que at home, or out to a restaurant or to your wedding reception) and have it NOT be important. However, if the attempt has been made, (lets use your lodging problem as an example -- in your invites you indicate that hotel A is available and costs $$$ and hotel B is also available but costs $) and they still are nitpicking, then it's their problem. You've done what you could, don't worry about it anymore.

I hope this makes sense. If you have any questions you can e-mail me at weddings2004@earthlink.net.

Jean

[WhiskeyGirl]

Is it still my responsibility to take care of finding them all hotels when they live close enough to the city where the reception is and they know what there is for hotels? So its not like I am making them do it having no idea what there is for accomadations. I didn't think that paying about Ninety dollars would be too bad for a hotel room, until they began their launch of attacks about it. I'm sure that if I booked another block of rooms at a seperate hotel than that wouldn't be good enough either. I'm afraid that if i did block off these rooms at a seperate hotel then they would not choose to stay there. My other thought is that, having gone to other family members weddings and only been given one choice for a hotel to stay in, I didn't think it would matter if I only had one hotel with prices included. Not only that, but the hotel is of course offering a group rate on all the rooms. i guess i will have to do some more thinking on this matter and decide if i want to be the great hostess or if i just have my mom inform them that they may stay any where they like except on our land. (lol) Thanks for the advice everyone. If there are anymore thoughts, please keep them coming!

[wedbyjean]

finding them all hotels when they live close enough to the city where the reception is and they know what there is for hotels?

Although they don't have the need for this particular assistance, it can't hurt to include it in the enclosures -- particularly if you've already looked up the information/made a phone call to book a block of rooms.

Providing room info for more than one location (two is plenty) is in the same vein as registering for gifts in a variety of price ranges. You are giving your guests some choices to choose from. Of course, they are welcome to pick "None of the above" and make lodging arrangements of their own choosing.

having gone to other family members weddings and only been given one choice for a hotel to stay in, I didn't think it would matter if I only had one hotel with prices included

I would have recommended to them as well to provide hotel info from more than one location.

Jean

[WhiskeyGirl]

I haven't sent the invitations out yet... So I guess I could check out some of the other options for them. I guess I will see how it goes and go from there. I don't think though that I will reserve or block any rooms for them. I think that they can do that all for themselves. Thanks for your help Jean, it is greatly appreciated and it sure makes me stress a whole lot less. I will do some research today and see what i can come up with. Thank you for your time.

[wedbyjean]

You're welcome. I was hoping that my responses weren't going to add to your stress.

Jean