Almost at the end of my rope.

[Jenn060306]

Sorry... but i am feeling kinda miserable lately and it's finally gotten to be pretty bad and i feel like **** about it. I honestly don't know if me feeling this way is justifiable or not. I kinda think it is.... everyone seems to be having stresses and fustrations now. We're all so close to the wedding. But then i think.... why am i not happy when people do really nice things for me?!
My MOH and FMiL put on a surprise bridal shower for me yesterday. I kinda had a feeling something was up. But i was trying to put it out of my mind because if it was i didn't want to ruin it and if it wasn't anything i didn't want to be disapointed. Anyways, they used the exuse of come to mom's and we'll work on putting together all the favours and programs and such. I thought great! They are really time consuming so if there is 4 of us working on them it will go by much faster. But... insted they had a shower. Which was really awsome! Don't get me wrong! I was very happy that they did it for me. But they said that we'd work on the stuff too. I thought ok cool.... I can handle that. It was nice to see my friends and have some time to just hang out and laugh and such. But the favours never got touched. I didn't actually even get to leave until 830pm. I love Mark's family.... but man they can talk talk talk!
After we left the house and mark's step dad was helping me carry out all my new loot he talked to us for another half hour at least about not worrying about the things that go wrong cause only mark and i will know they went wrong. He told us some stories about weddings he's been to where things have gone wrong. As he was telling us about all this and telling us not to worry and just go with the flow i realized how stressed out and overwhelmed i am. I got in the car and sat there for a couple minutes trying to fight the urge to cry.
I am getting so tired of everything. I am so fustrated that i hardly ever seem Mark anymore and how much he is working. It feels like everything is just piling up and i've been putting it aside for so long. I'm starting to worry about us not having something lined up for a place to live. Our condo is going on the market this week and it still looks like a small disaster. There are boxes everywhere and i didn't get to touching up the paint or painting the bathroom because i got so sick last week. I still don't have a job. True i have a second interview soon, but i feel like if i count on gettiing it to much i won't get it and then i will just be really disapointed and heart broken almost.
I have felt like i have woke up on the the wrong side of the bed 2 days in a row now. I can't seem to get over this horrible feeling but i don't really have anyone i want to tell because i really think they will think i am being a selfish ungrateful :censored:

[CindySue]

Oh Jenn...Im sorry you are feeling like this, but rest assured....Ive been feeling the same way. I lost all motivation to do anything for this wedding. I was/am just sick of it. All the hard work weve done, especialy to this house, and I seriously doubt anyone will even notice. Oh I sure there will be a few that notice the 1 or 2 spots we forget to touch up.
Then with the people getting sick and plans having to be altered.........well lets just say that definitely didnt help matters any.
I had more motiviation yesterday, but I think that had to do with Brian and I spending the time alone just talking. He told me that we were NOT going to kill ourselves trying to plan a **** wedding. Hes right. This day is supposed to be about Brian and I getting married, not making things perfect for our guests.
Is there a way you and Mark can take the night (or day) off and just spend it tgether just talking? Trust me whatever you could be doing during that time can be done another time and just "forgetting" about weddings for a few hours is great for your sanity. If you can relax, you can actually get more accomplished. Ithought taking Staurday off was going to hurt us, but it didnt. Because we werent a agitated and stressed we were able to utilize our time more efficiently.
BTW - Youve been planning a wedding for several months.....you have every right to feel any way you want to!!!! This IS a VERY stressful time.
Good Luck!!!

[bnd94]

:hug: Jenn I am so sorry to hear how stressed you are. It won't be long and the wedding will be over so that stress will be gone. Do you ever have time to go for a walk or anything? I know when I am stessed I go for a walk or get on the treadmill. It seems to help me anyways. Even just a 15-20 min walk can reduce some of the stress. Hope you feel better soon!!

[hummingbird521]

everyone's right. you need to take some time for unwinding and destressing now. if you contine at this pace you won't be doing yourself (or anyone around you) any favors. in the long run you need time to rest. take a long bubble bath at night, pour yourself a glass of wine, turn on some quiet music, and relax, relax. if you can do this with two of you then even better!!! i have been feeling like you are right now and the other night my FH ran a tub of bubblebath for me and came downstairs and got me. he handed me a glass of wine and sent me in. unfortunatly we could not take advantage of the two of us since we had the kids. but i admit i enjoyed every minute of it after a bit. i came out more refreshed and relaxed than i have been in weeks. so try it, it might work for you girl.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Everyones right Jenn, including your FIL! You need to relax a bit hun! YOu are a worrier just like me and ya know all that worrying isn't good for you! YOu're going to get yourself sick with worry! Take a step back, deep breath and assess the situation. Make a list of all the things you need to get done! At this point, TALK To MARK!!! Tell him how stressed you are and how much you need him now more then ever before!! Tell him to help you help yourself not be so stressed!! If he has to, tell him to take some time off of work or take a shorter shift, but tell him you NEED to see him!! You can't keep trying to be super girl, you are going to burn yourself out and end up sick and in the hospital!!!! So tell him how you feel, tell him to help you, and tell him to take some time for the two of you!! Take care Jenn and good luck!! And remember try and relax as much as possible!! Your wedding day is only one day in the days to come as husband and wife!

[Jenn060306]

Thanks.... i've been trying to take some time for myself. But it's been really difficult i find. I was a bit stressed because my mom was away last week in Florida. Before she left i was worried that i would need her. It turned out ok besides getting sick. But now she's back and tonight she was bugging me about packing up all my stuff in the apartment so it looks good to show. She wants to do an open house this weekend coming up. It is SOOO not ready for it yet. She's coming up tommorrow to help me pack and i have a feeling that it is going to be terrible. She asked how bad it was so she wasn't horribly surprised when she got there. I just feel like she doesn't understand.
I have some serious angsiety problems at times. I'm stressing alot about not knowing were we are going to live. I don't know about the job yet. And i'm feeling like starting 2 weeks before the wedding is kinda crazy! I'm just so lost it feels like. I want to run away with Mark.... but i can't. He can't take time off. It's so difficult for him to find other teachers to cover his lessons. And honestly we can't afford for him to loose the pay.
I want to just take a walk sometimes. But i am soo exhausted by the time i have a chance.... all i want to do is sleep. I'm finding that if i don't lay down for a bit in the afternoon's i am totally whiped and i feel worse because i am tired and grumpy.
I am soooo ready for this all to end and to be able to have a 'normal' life again. I am affraid of burning out. But if i stop.... time will run out and i won't have what i need done done.

[CindySue]

Jenn.......I dont know if this will help you, but it definitely helped me through some rough times a couple of weeks ago.
!st thing you do is make a list of everything that still needs to be done, out beside it wirte how long you think it will take to do each task. Then print off weekly calendars for how long you have until your wedding. Now you separate your tasks on the calendars. (The weekly calendar had more space to be more detailed with my tasks in case I had to break some of them down)There might be days you only do 1 or 2 things because they take longer, and then there will be days you can get several done. If you can assign times to do the tasks the easier it will be to stick with. Ex. from 5-7 you are going to do this, from 7-8 you are going to do that. How it helped me is that I was so overwhelmed by all the things that had to be done and had absolutely no clue where to begin. When I scheduled time to do the tasks, I wasnt so overwhelmed anymore and I actually accomplished more. It will also help you set aside time for yourself, because you can schedule it in.
Hope I helped some.......Good Luck!

[bnd94]

Hopefully you will have a good time with your Mom and even though you will be working you can relax a little. Talk to her maybe she can help you out more when she finds out how stressed you are. I know you have probably heard this way too much and I was trying to avoid saying it to you, but things have a way of falling into place. Before you know it you will be looking back on this time and smiling to yourself knowing it has made you stronger.

Cindy has some great advice on making a list. Putting it down on paper could really help.

[Jenn060306]

Thanks..... making a list and trying to schedule myself is a good idea. I think i will give it a shot. I think having my mom up here today will be good. I want to get my stuff packed up... But i also want to still be able to live here comfortably. I will probably talk to her about everything that's going on. Hopefully she'll understand.

[CindySue]

Yeah....hopefully mom will understand and maybe give you some more advice.