How Do You Deal....

[WhiskeyGirl]

How do you deal with that one family member that everyone seems to walk on egg shells around them? There is one family member in my family that i do not get along with, I can't really figure out why, but she seems to hate me and goes out of her way to make my life as miserable as possible. My grandmother keeps begging me to apologize to her, even though i know that i have not done anything to her. (She seems to have mental problems!) My mom and her sisters all understand, but my grandmother keeps putting me in ackward positions where i have to use lame excuses to bail out or face the wrath of this person. I don't really want to invite her to my wedding, but have to out of obligation, how do i deal with this? Do i not send her an invitation and make my grandmother and her even more mad at me? Do i send her an invitation and hope that she doesn't try and ruin my special day? I feel like I am stuck between a rock and a hard place, if i could do things my way, i would no longer have anything to do with this person for things that they have said and done to me in the past. I really want this to be the happiest day of my life, but i'm not sure that if she is there it really will be. Help! I don't know what to do, and please don't say ignore her, you don't know her. She can say the meanest things and get away with it because people chalk it up to her mental state.

[savvy]

I am in a similar position. My mom's sister and I have had it out. I no long talk with her. I am not inviting her or her husband to the wedding. I am inviting her children (my cousins) the wedding because it is not them that I have a problem with. My mom and her sister have not spoken since July 4th when the fight happend. My mom's sister said some really horrible things about me. I just told her I had no respect for her as a person. My grandmother puts me in the same position. Grandma blames me for my mom and her sister not talking. But hey, it had nothing to do with my mom and her sister. It was me and my aunt who had the problem. Grandma wants me to call my aunt but hey things are great without having to talk with her anymore. So, I simply am not inviting my moms sister and her husband. There is of course a security guard that I had to hire (per the reception site) so if she does try to show up I wont have to ask her to leave the security guard can do that. I know my mom is upset about me not inviting her sister, but she said some pretty horrible things about me and told me that she has no respect for me either, so why would I want her there? My dad said that if I invite moms sister then he is not coming. I know I am not risking having my dad not show up over some "family" members that I don't care for anyway. If this makes me sound cold and heartless so be it. I can't please everyone and not everyone is going to like me. I know that.
I am sorry that you are in this not so fun position. I hope that if you do end up inviting the family member then nothing bad happens at the wedding. Good Luck
~savvy

[WhiskeyGirl]

I really know where you are coming from, and I too, feel bad for you having to deal with what I go through. This person is also my mom's sister, so our situations seem very similar. Thanks for the advice, I still really don't know what to do. I don't want to end up being the big Bad Wolf of the family but I know I need to assert myself in this situation. It seems its getting so bad that i am ready to tell anyone who can't handle the situation as it is, that if they don't like it, then they don't have to keep in touch with me. I just want to move on with my life, with my Fiance and his family and my immediate family. I know that they say life is short and that you shouldn't hold gurdges, but sometimes thats the way life goes right? It seems like thats the way its going for me!

[savvy]

Keep your chin up. It's not always about holding grudges though either. We have a mutual agreement that we dont like eachother, so why put us in situations of having to be around eachother. We agree to not get along. Shes happy, I am happy. Just remember you are not going to please everyone. With the risk of sounding like a bridezilla....it is your wedding right? Do what is going to make you happy. However, I know it is easier said than done!
~savvy

[WhiskeyGirl]

Update:

My mother is pleading with me to put whatever it is behind me and just get along with her sister. (I can't even call her my aunt, because I don't think anyone thats supposed to be a family member can act and treat so many people so horriably.) She's afraid I won't invite her to the wedding, which I am, I just hope that she won't show up. I still don't know how to convey to my mother that what she has said or done to me in the past has hurt me so badly that I can never just put it behind me. She doesn't seem to even try and understand what it is that I am feeling, she just wants perfect harmony. Which I can't give her! I can't do it! I don't know how to help my mom to understand without coming off as a hurtful brat!! I really wish this wasn't happening right now, as I need to keep all my concentration on what matters to me at this point...Planning my Wedding and trying to have it go as smooth as possible. I don't know what to do, it really is driving me to the brink. Maybe I will have to tell her that I will deal with the situation after the wedding and leave it at that!

~CanadianBride~