This is SUPPOSSED to be a happy time of my life right???

[Goin2thechapel]

First off I'd like to take a second to introduce myself. I'm new here. My name is Amanda and I'm from Massachusetts. That said...here goes....

My Fiance Jon proposed to me at our house on Christmas day. We had just finished eating dinner and he got down on one knee and asked me to marry him in front of my family. From this moment on I have had nothing but trouble from my step mother. (My real mother hasn't been in the picture for 15 years)

The next day (Being still so excited about getting engaged) She told me the she was extremely upset at Jon for proposing to me in front of my real family (Dad's side) and not her family. She told me that her family would have been more excited. I told her that Jon did it his way and that's that.

Then about a week later I had asked her if she and dad were willing to help out with any of the costs. She told me "I said that if you moved out before you were married then we weren't going to give you a dime." So it was the reaction I had expected so left with few tears in my eyes but nothing more. Jon and I had planned to pay for it our selves anyways.

The a few days later she had asked me who my maid of honor would be. I had told her that i was thinking of having my friend Lisa do it and She started yelling at me!!! She thought i should have my step brother's girlfriend be my maid of honor. (By the way,,, they broke up and she said no anyways).

Then we meet with the priest and set our date and go over the precana and talk about the difference between a full mass and a ceremony. We opted for the full mass so we could have the readings and the gospel. Well when i told her she told me not to do the full mass, I told her that we wanted the gospel to be read and she said "Why...Everyone sleeps through it anyways." So finally i told her that she has opinions and because Jon and I are paying for this wedding on our own I didn't need to accept her opinions. Now she hasn't talked to me in almost a week and a half. And she told me she wants nothing to do with the wedding and I cannot call her for any questions regarding the wedding.

I think she's jealous because the attention isn't focused on her anymore, and my dad is very happy for me. (I'm his first child and the first one getting married). What should I do...I thought this was suppossed to be the happiest time in my life, and I'll i keep doing it wishing that Jon didn't even ask me to marry him. Someone Please Help Me!!!! :cry: [/quote][/b]

[totalia]

Try to take a deep breath and calm down.

This is ONE day in your life. Theres so much more to life than just this. Yes it should be fun and the like but letting yourself get stressed out is not going to help anyone.

Just do what you want. It's your wedding and no one can control it but you. If others don't like it, then oh well.

[WhiskeyGirl]

First of all, CONGRATULATIONS! This is a wonderful and exciting period of time for you and your fiance! As far as your step mother goes, Ignore her! She is being stupid and childish and needs to do some major growing up! She has no right to tell you that she is upset with Jon for proposing in front of your dad's family, he did what he wanted and when he felt the timing was right! You were right to stand up to her and tell her that he did it the way he wanted and that was that! When she asked you to pick your step brother's girl friend...she was way out of line! She HAD NO RIGHT to get mad at you when you told her you were picking your best friend to be your maid of honor, i would simply remind her that it is you who is getting married, not her! Its the same with the Ceremony thing, if she thinks people sleep through the Gospel, I would simply tell her that I think that, its probably just her being the one that is sleeping, and that you will tell your dad to nudge her awake after the gospel is finished!

I think my best Advice to you my dear is, if she is going to be snappy, start coming back with a good line of defense! Me, I would start coming back with a lot of good come backs! Like I said with the Gospel situation above. You cannot make everyone happy! Focus on your self and don't let her jealousy or poor childish behavior RUIN your day. Keep your chin up and I wish you the very best. ( Oh and I will tell you, that if she was MY step mom, I would deffinately be having a chat with my dad!) Good Luck!

[revchawls]

Hi Amanda.

The answer is, YES, this is supposed to be the happiest time. Unfortunately, people can be very difficult to understand.

One of the most helpful bits of advice I ever received was from a counselor I sought several years ago when I went through a heartbreaking injustice and hurt related to my church. When I shared how others were reacting so unfairly and with such antagonism to my kindnesses, these were his very helpful words: "It's THEIR issue." He encouraged me to keep going back to that reality.

I'm inclined to pass that bit of wisdom on to you. It's sad that people don't react the way we wish they would. It can be deeply disappointing. BUT... her reactions are about HER, not you. It's her issue, not yours. It can become your issue, though, if you let it.

I've been a pastor since 1987 and counseled many, many couples AND THEIR FAMILIES over the years. One thing I share with all my couples is that this is YOUR wedding. Your folks had theirs. This is yours.

Is there anything you can do? One thought comes to mind. If your step mom has these strong feelings about the type of service, it could be there's a door for a visit with her priest. If she had someone she could talk through some of her feelings with -- which I suspect you may not understand (I certainly don't) -- he might be in a better position to be of help.

Best wishes and I'll look to see if there's a response. This is a late post.