Just a little rant.

[LadyDante]

Maybe it's the lack of sleep on my part... but... this really bugged me. I've been with Scott for 5 years. I have gone back home with him every Xmas since 2003. Our families has known that we intended to marry as soon as I was done with school. In fact, we knew the weekend we are planning on marrying for over 6 months now. We told the family and friends what weekend it was gonna be. So... what I'm trying to say, the family knows we're not just casually dating.
So today we get an invitation from his cousin to her wedding... address to Scott and Guest. Also, gotta add that the invitation came just outta nowhere. While we knew she was with her FH for several years, we weren't aware that they got engaged.
ARGHHHHH. That just really really bothered me. I've been with this family now for 5 years. I shouldn't be a guest. And I've meet the cousin several times. I'm trying not to get too growly and upset over this. But dang it, I want to be a part of that family so bad and feel like I'm a part of it... and this just sucks.
And no, we're actually not gonna be going to wedding, but that's because we can't afford to fly back for it, plus go back at Xmas, and then have our own wedding and do the move.
Dang it, I need sleep.

[ger]

I so greatly understand. When one of my co-workers got married, his FW addressed our invitation to Gerri and guest. Bruce and I had been to their house several times...she knew what his name was. He was SSSSOOOOO mad. When it came time to do our invitations, I had to do theirs, because he was going to write Eric and guest!!:realmad:

[neebelung]

So today we get an invitation from his cousin to her wedding... address to Scott and Guest.

Don't sweat it... When I got MY cousin's save the date a few months ago, it, too, was addressed to Me "and guest." FH and I have been together for 4 years, so there's no reason she shouldn't have known his name... BUT, being a bride-to-be myself, I know how much stress there is, so I cut her some slack on it. I'm sure if I had pointed it out to her, it would have only made her feel really bad, and what's the point in that?

Just let it go... it doesn't mean they don't think you're important, or that they don't feel you're a part of the family. I'm sure it was merely an oversight, and one they'd feel horribly about if you mentioned it to them (however, being a bride-to-be yourself, I'm sure you can find some sympathy for her, and will think better of making a big deal out of it).

[Ninedays9]

I don't blame you for being annoyed.

I have one cousin who got married two weeks ago and one that's getting married tomorrow. One didn't include my fiance on the invitation at all. He had to work that day anyway, but I don't think they would have cared if he came... everyone actually was asking where he was. And then the other couple spelled his (FH's) name Eddy instead of Eddie, which always bugs him, haha. I'm not really sure where people get this variation considering about 95% of people with that name spell it Eddie. But yeah, those were just tiny little things that I didn't really mind.

I think when I address my invites, I'm going to put all the names on them and no "and guest."

[neebelung]

I think when I address my invites, I'm going to put all the names on them and no "and guest."

Seriously? Why? What does being spiteful gain ya? :rofl:

[Ninedays9]

I think I probably worded that wrong... or else I'm just confused by what you said, haha. I meant I was gonna put both peoples' names on the invite. Like, I've got a friend who's dating someone... I'll put her name and his name on the invite. But I guess for families with kids, I will put the parents and then "and family."

[neebelung]

I think I probably worded that wrong... or else I'm just confused by what you said, haha. I meant I was gonna put both peoples' names on the invite. Like, I've got a friend who's dating someone... I'll put her name and his name on the invite. But I guess for families with kids, I will put the parents and then "and family."
OHHHHHH :rofl: LMAO... sorry... I misread what YOU said, and thought you meant you were just going to leave their S.O.'s off the invite altogether. :grinhappy:

But good, I think that (including their ACTUAL names, not the "and guest") is a good subtle way... it's indirect, but it'll make the point (and you're taking the high road, which is always better anyway). :)

[SerendipityCrafts]

It mayyyyy just be a formal etiquette rule (or the way things used to be done) .... ie you only address the invite to "Jack Black and Sue White" if they are already married; otherwise it's addressed to "Jack Black and guest"

I wouldn't read too much into it.

[neebelung]

It mayyyyy just be a formal etiquette rule (or the way things used to be done) .... ie you only address the invite to "Jack Black and Sue White" if they are already married; otherwise it's addressed to "Jack Black and guest"


Really? Huh, I've never heard that, but it does make sense (since, I'm sure when those etiquette rules were created, it was considered highly improper for unmarrieds to be living together, so why would mail be jointly addressed! Hmmm... interesting!)

[Scrwballsgrl]

I second Elizabeth, I'm thinking its just one of those old ettiquette rules that never really dies...so don't let it spoil it for you!

I've been dating Fh for 4 1/2 years now and around the 3 year mark his (our) friend got married & he was the best man, but when we received an invite it was marked "and guest". So try not to take it personally:)

[SerendipityCrafts]

I don't know for sure but living together or not, it just sounds like some sort of rule that may have been :rofl:; especially if cousin's Mom had a say (or helped) with the invites.

[amisteratwisterandme]

I have been "and guest" 3 times now with FH. I just use the opportunity to razzle FH about it.

Hmmm......I think I use every opportunity to razz FH. The crazy thing is I tink he likes it.

[MrsKittyManes]

Don't feel bad, when I was with my ex (my sons father whom I was with for 5 years) we received an invite from his cousin addressed to Mr. Stephen S.. and "the girl he's living with". Yep after 5 years they addressed me as the girl he's living with and put it right there on the invite. This is after 5 years of living together and having a child yet still I was just the girl he's living with. People can be so inconsiderate and down right rude sometimes.

[caligal85]

Don't feel bad, when I was with my ex (my sons father whom I was with for 5 years) we received an invite from his cousin addressed to Mr. Stephen S.. and "the girl he's living with". Yep after 5 years they addressed me as the girl he's living with and put it right there on the invite. This is after 5 years of living together and having a child yet still I was just the girl he's living with. People can be so inconsiderate and down right rude sometimes.

That's unbelievable and a bit low class.

I do agree, though, when it says "and guest" it's just etiquette because you're not married yet. I always bring one of my best girlfriends, which confuses people, because apparently they can't be bothered to remember that FH is 3000 miles away.

[mitch]

When We write Ours out for the Band We wasn't sure about the name of the Drummers Wife. He hasn't played for the Band for long and no one has met Her yet. None of the Band even knew what Her Name is.

So We addressed it to "Gaz And Mrs Gaz".
They thought it was hilarious. :D

[caligal85]

When We write Ours out for the Band We wasn't sure about the name of the Drummers Wife. He hasn't played for the Band for long and no one has met Her yet. None of the Band even knew what Her Name is.

So We addressed it to "Gaz And Mrs Gaz".
They thought it was hilarious. :D

Hey at least you acknowledged they are married. Kudos to you!

[LadyDante]

I'll try to take it easy. I just worry. Maybe when we send them our invitation to reception back home, we'll do "First Name "Nickname" Last name and Mr. "Nickname" We'll see.

[bichonlvr]

I REALLY would not worry too much!

[Samhain Bride]

Maybe it's the lack of sleep on my part... but... this really bugged me. I've been with Scott for 5 years. I have gone back home with him every Xmas since 2003. Our families has known that we intended to marry as soon as I was done with school. In fact, we knew the weekend we are planning on marrying for over 6 months now. We told the family and friends what weekend it was gonna be. So... what I'm trying to say, the family knows we're not just casually dating.
So today we get an invitation from his cousin to her wedding... address to Scott and Guest. Also, gotta add that the invitation came just outta nowhere. While we knew she was with her FH for several years, we weren't aware that they got engaged.
ARGHHHHH. That just really really bothered me. I've been with this family now for 5 years. I shouldn't be a guest. And I've meet the cousin several times. I'm trying not to get too growly and upset over this. But dang it, I want to be a part of that family so bad and feel like I'm a part of it... and this just sucks.
And no, we're actually not gonna be going to wedding, but that's because we can't afford to fly back for it, plus go back at Xmas, and then have our own wedding and do the move.
Dang it, I need sleep.


I kinda went through something like this. I have been with my FH for three years. His grandmother likes to send out a monthly news letter to everyone in the family(there are 16 kids and 42 grandkids) She spoke of the trip she made to FL to my FH sister's wedding. She spoke of seeing my FH and myself( but in the newsletter she refered to me as his -->"his lady freind" and that's how she wrote it. I mean could you make anymore of a stab towards me? jeez...

I mean everyone else who is engaged she refers to them as a fiancee/fiance. I think it's because I'm not catholic :/ w/e she is nothing but an old bitty and thank god she isn't coming to the wedding.

[LadyDante]

Well he talked to his cousin. Not about this, but just in general, to catch up, since we haven't talked to her since Xmas. I think what happened is that her fiance was writing the addresses and didn't remember my name, since we only maybe met once for a couple of hours.
The cool thing is that they will try to come out to our wedding here in CA, and if not, then they will be at the reception back home.

[Thalia_themuse]

I kinda went through something like this. I have been with my FH for three years. His grandmother likes to send out a monthly news letter to everyone in the family(there are 16 kids and 42 grandkids) She spoke of the trip she made to FL to my FH sister's wedding. She spoke of seeing my FH and myself( but in the newsletter she refered to me as his -->"his lady freind" and that's how she wrote it. I mean could you make anymore of a stab towards me? jeez...

I mean everyone else who is engaged she refers to them as a fiancee/fiance. I think it's because I'm not catholic :/ w/e she is nothing but an old bitty and thank god she isn't coming to the wedding.

I know a family where after I'm not sure how long (maybe 5 years or more) of being together, Mother of girl still calls her partner "and friend". They do a newsletter every year and when talking about their daughter completely leave off the fact that all her traveling and events involved her partner. That is definitely *not* a family I would want to marry into.. :boggle:

I might also point out that this 'girl' is 27 years old, and so she has spent most of her adult life with him.

[gwenshack]

I don't think it's that big of a deal, not to minimize your frustration. :) I think a lot of people write "and guest" unless the person is married. I know that's how I would do it, with absolutely no ill intent or want to slight anyone or lessen the significance of a relationship.

FH and I have been together a LOoooooooooooooooNG time and we're never addressed together, so I guess I just assumed that was how it was supposed to be. :)

[Kay]

I'm glad you feel better about all this now. When I first read your post I was like "O No! That's how I was planning to address everyone who isn't married, cuz I thought that was the etiquette way of doing things!" So, please don't take things people do personally, they are just trying to do what they "think" is right.... and soooo many people think "and guest" is correct!

But, just so ya know... that is not proper etiquette. I just looked it up online. It is proper to address "unmarried couples who live at the same residence" as:
Miss (or Ms.) Amy Smith
Mr. John Doe


I was going to address a lot of people incorrectly. And, now that I think about it, I am definitely going to try to address everyone by name.... etiquette doesn't mean so much to me, just that people are happy and know they are welcome and invited. :D