snowgdss
08-30-2008, 06:11 PM
This is a tough one (and I'm sure by the time I finish, it will be a long one). I am sitting in a local cafe with my laptop because I'm too upset to be at home. It has been a rough 24 hours. I had to postpone my wedding today.
I really feel 'attatched' here and feel almost like I'm lying to my friends if I didn't say so here. I can't believe less than 2 months ago I burst on this website (overly) enthusiastic about my destination wedding. I even was looked at as a possible spammer here because I started out like gangbusters! Now, I feel as if I'm writing a confession. But I feel I need to be honest with everyone here. Weird? Anyhow....
I know a postponement isn't such a big deal, but the circumstances inwhich mine happened are ripping me up inside. We are paying for our own wedding (a second marriage). In the few months since my FH has moved in, I have honestly carried the house finances alomost 100%. He is still recovering from a brutually emotional and financial divorce. The ex is still a stressful and manipulative part of his (and our) interactions with his children. Both of our relationships with them are strained and quite frankly they allow the children to be in control of everything (more stress for me). I explain this not to whine, but to explain the daily stresses we have in blending our families(I have a teenager living with us- more stress) together.
At the time we set our wedding budget, he commited fully to equal contribution. As dumb as this makes me sound, I never investigated his finances bill for bill. So, I believed that he had "done his math" and knew what he could afford. Over the last few weeks, he seemed to be having more and more trouble financially. In the end, when we sat down to look at the situation, I found he clearly cannot afford to do anything without being beyond his means. I certainly cannot carry it fully. Loans aren't an option we're comfortable with, as we don't want to start our life together over our heads.
The destination wedding idea is a much cheaper wedding than the prices we pay in my area (greater NYC). Plus, its what we've had our heart set on. Now it is clear we can't afford to do it. Because we hit the year mark to our wedding date, I sent the STDs (all prior to this). Today I had to announce the postponement. We lied and said we were having vendor issues at the location. I feel awful.... but couldn't bear our less than understanding famillies and their often mean comments. At the same time, I just didn't want anyone extending themselves to get tickets etc.... and spend the next year planning this with us under dire stress to pull the wedding off. I know when we are financially stable, we will replan the wedding we wish.
I have to tell you ladies... I am concerned over the way inwhich my FH handles things (ex, children, and finances). I feel guilty thinking this way, but I really am grateful for the postponement not only for financial relief, but also to take time to really think this commitment through. We have been together 4 years and I am wondering if after a failed marriage, I am just skiddish. I do love him with all of my heart, but feel like I cannot take on anymore stress. To be clear, I know he wasn't decieving me. He truly just never thought his finances through.
Thank you for letting me vent. Just "getting it off my chest" is helping me calm down. I really would appreciate your feedback as I know no one here will be condesending. This truly is a such a community of caring people... No wonder why I'll miss posting and reading here until I'm back in the swing of bridal bliss again!
Many hugs!
I really feel 'attatched' here and feel almost like I'm lying to my friends if I didn't say so here. I can't believe less than 2 months ago I burst on this website (overly) enthusiastic about my destination wedding. I even was looked at as a possible spammer here because I started out like gangbusters! Now, I feel as if I'm writing a confession. But I feel I need to be honest with everyone here. Weird? Anyhow....
I know a postponement isn't such a big deal, but the circumstances inwhich mine happened are ripping me up inside. We are paying for our own wedding (a second marriage). In the few months since my FH has moved in, I have honestly carried the house finances alomost 100%. He is still recovering from a brutually emotional and financial divorce. The ex is still a stressful and manipulative part of his (and our) interactions with his children. Both of our relationships with them are strained and quite frankly they allow the children to be in control of everything (more stress for me). I explain this not to whine, but to explain the daily stresses we have in blending our families(I have a teenager living with us- more stress) together.
At the time we set our wedding budget, he commited fully to equal contribution. As dumb as this makes me sound, I never investigated his finances bill for bill. So, I believed that he had "done his math" and knew what he could afford. Over the last few weeks, he seemed to be having more and more trouble financially. In the end, when we sat down to look at the situation, I found he clearly cannot afford to do anything without being beyond his means. I certainly cannot carry it fully. Loans aren't an option we're comfortable with, as we don't want to start our life together over our heads.
The destination wedding idea is a much cheaper wedding than the prices we pay in my area (greater NYC). Plus, its what we've had our heart set on. Now it is clear we can't afford to do it. Because we hit the year mark to our wedding date, I sent the STDs (all prior to this). Today I had to announce the postponement. We lied and said we were having vendor issues at the location. I feel awful.... but couldn't bear our less than understanding famillies and their often mean comments. At the same time, I just didn't want anyone extending themselves to get tickets etc.... and spend the next year planning this with us under dire stress to pull the wedding off. I know when we are financially stable, we will replan the wedding we wish.
I have to tell you ladies... I am concerned over the way inwhich my FH handles things (ex, children, and finances). I feel guilty thinking this way, but I really am grateful for the postponement not only for financial relief, but also to take time to really think this commitment through. We have been together 4 years and I am wondering if after a failed marriage, I am just skiddish. I do love him with all of my heart, but feel like I cannot take on anymore stress. To be clear, I know he wasn't decieving me. He truly just never thought his finances through.
Thank you for letting me vent. Just "getting it off my chest" is helping me calm down. I really would appreciate your feedback as I know no one here will be condesending. This truly is a such a community of caring people... No wonder why I'll miss posting and reading here until I'm back in the swing of bridal bliss again!
Many hugs!