My "Best" Friend

[CindySue]

Ok.....many of you already knew about my best friend that was to be my MoH just sort of vanishing off the face of the earth. She had said she was going to handle the flowers and the cake and a few other things as a gift to us. Well she had lost her job.....understandable, so I went ahead and made other arrangements for the things she had wanted to handle mainly because I didnt want to burden her (or hurt her feelings since she couldnt do the things she had said anymore) but also because she wasnt taking my phone calls so I didnt know what else to do.
When Brian had problems with his BM (hes the guy we bought the house from), we said forget it and decided to just use the children. Less stress that way.
Anyway, my friend called me up yesterday and shes upset because she found out she was no longer standing up with me (I had already told her that.....MONTHS ago). Now she has ideas and wants to help with the wedding. HELLO?????? I needed her help 6 months ago, not now with less than 3 weeks left! She knew I was planning this back in September. Did she really think I was going to wait until NOW to start putting things together? If shed remember, she knows Im not like that.
Brians upset because he thinks hes come between me and a friend. He hasnt. She is jealous though. Shes the type that ALWAYS has to have a man in her life, even if he treats her like dirt, at least she has a man. Me? Hell, I didnt need one, and most of the time didnt even want one. Well now I have Brian and my life is better and Im happier than I ever thought I could be. Shes alone, because shes rude and crude and usually people just dont want to be around her. SHes not handling being alone very well.
We are still friends (I guess) but things havent been right with us even before Brian came into the picture. Weve grown apart. What I want out of life is different than what she wants. I will work for what I want and she wants everything handed to her. I dont care to be around people like that.
Sorry this was long, but Im just soooo frustrated right now. Brian is trying to turn into a "groomzilla" because his plans for the yard arent working out the way he wanted. Im having to deal with that and hes an absolute BEAR!! Not my fault he waited until NOW to start on his projects. Him - I have to deal with.....Her - I dont.

[StaceyMc]

Groomzilla shouldn't have waited until the last minute, although, I'm sure you've already told him that. Give him a big hug, tell him that everything will be beautiful.

As for your "best" friend - how about waiting until the last minute? Sheesh - don't people think? I'm sorry that she's pulling this stuff now. My sister's MIL pulled that with her bridal shower and baby shower - waits until the week or so before and then wants to help.

Hugs to ya!

[CarlosHoney]

Aww, Cindy. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. It sucks.

Just remember, it will all be over soon. ;)

[CindySue]

Groomzilla shouldn't have waited until the last minute, although, I'm sure you've already told him that. Give him a big hug, tell him that everything will be beautiful.
I did! Im also helping him as much as I can. Hes just like that......but I love him anyway!

As for your "best" friend - how about waiting until the last minute? Sheesh - don't people think? I'm sorry that she's pulling this stuff now. My sister's MIL pulled that with her bridal shower and baby shower - waits until the week or so before and then wants to help.

Hugs to ya!
I really do not know why she pulled this SH*T. Unless she didnt really think I was going to get married but then again that goes back to if shed remember, I dont say stuff like that if I dont mean it. Im sorry that I went ahead and planned my wedding by myself. If Id have know she would decide now to help, I would have waited......Yeah right!!!!!

[CindySue]

Aww, Cindy. I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this. It sucks.
Thanks Carrie

Just remember, it will all be over soon. ;)
Yeah I know......almost too soon!!!!

[WebLady]

Sorry you're having to deal with stuff like this so close to the wedding. I am sure it will all work out though. 18 days left and you won't have anything to worry about besides building a new life with your new family :bbmrgreen:

All the best to you! :D

[countrygirl]

Hey Cindy, sorry to hear that you are going thru that. I hope all works out for you girly!!!!! I'm here for ya!!!!!

[CindySue]

The part that bugs me is thats Ive talked to her several times in the last few months. In the beginning when I would mention the wedding, she would change the subject so I stopped even mentioning it. I talked to her last week about all the drama in her life but know all the sudden MY wedding is a big deal to her? Did she just remember that I was getting married? Or did it piss her off that I didnt wait around on her and just started handling everything myself? I dont have time for this BS, it just hurts me that Brian feels bad because he thinks he cost me a friend when he didnt.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I think guys will always think that they did something for your friendship to end, but really, most times these things were going down the tubes before the men in our lives even came around! Its like my one girl-friend, she thought we were the best of buds and then got her nose out of joint when I started dating Matt. I was thinking "I'm sorry dear but I am not going to be a cat lady with you!!!!" Lol. She's gotten past my "Ditching" her and marrying Matt and is finally accepting him too, but its taken her a while and I had to push her away before she actually realized what a biotch she was being.

Cindy, I hope that it all works out for you and I believe it will!! Espicially because I believe we all deserve beautiful and perfect wedding days!! Take care of yourself and your FH and kids, you are all number one now! Forget the friend and move onwards and upwards!! I wish you all the best, and if I could afford a plane ticket, I'd hop a plane to give you and Brian a hand with the yard! lol. (In fact I think we all would!! :) ) Take care Hun!!

[countrygirl]

The part that bugs me is thats Ive talked to her several times in the last few months. In the beginning when I would mention the wedding, she would change the subject so I stopped even mentioning it. I talked to her last week about all the drama in her life but know all the sudden MY wedding is a big deal to her? Did she just remember that I was getting married? Or did it piss her off that I didnt wait around on her and just started handling everything myself? I dont have time for this BS, it just hurts me that Brian feels bad because he thinks he cost me a friend when he didnt.

I think part of her prob may be that she is jealous that you are in a successful relationship, but also that she may be feeling guilty now that she hasn't been around. Maybe she doens't know how to deal w those feelings.

[CindySue]

I think guys will always think that they did something for your friendship to end, but really, most times these things were going down the tubes before the men in our lives even came around! Its like my one girl-friend, she thought we were the best of buds and then got her nose out of joint when I started dating Matt. I was thinking "I'm sorry dear but I am not going to be a cat lady with you!!!!" Lol. She's gotten past my "Ditching" her and marrying Matt and is finally accepting him too, but its taken her a while and I had to push her away before she actually realized what a biotch she was being.

Cindy, I hope that it all works out for you and I believe it will!! Espicially because I believe we all deserve beautiful and perfect wedding days!! Take care of yourself and your FH and kids, you are all number one now! Forget the friend and move onwards and upwards!! I wish you all the best, and if I could afford a plane ticket, I'd hop a plane to give you and Brian a hand with the yard! lol. (In fact I think we all would!! :) ) Take care Hun!!
Awww......yall are sweet! I cant wait to tell Brian about that offer!
I know Im letting this get to me more than I should, and I think if it wasnt bothering Brian so much, it definitley wouldnt be bothering me. I mean we are friends and I WILL talk to her, but I wrote her off on helping with the wedding a LONG time ago.

[bnd94]

As Brian gets to know her better he will probably realize that he wasn't the cause of you two not getting along. Even if he was the cause, a real friend wouldn't get mad if their friend is with someone and is happy. He didn't do anything but love you. Hang in there :D

I have had friends in the past like that and in the end I decided I didn't need friends that would do nothing but bring me down whenever I am happy so I ditched them;)

[CindySue]

I think part of her prob may be that she is jealous that you are in a successful relationship, but also that she may be feeling guilty now that she hasn't been around. Maybe she doens't know how to deal w those feelings.
Heather you have a point. I know all shes ever wanted was a man that didnt treat her like dirt and loved her and wanted to take care of her and give her everything could want, like what I have with Brian. Im sorry she doesnt have better luck with men but my luck wasnt always the best either!
She probably does feel a little bad about not helping like she should. Even if she could help financially like she had said she was, she still could have given me moral support and she didnt.

[countrygirl]

Heather you have a point. I know all shes ever wanted was a man that didnt treat her like dirt and loved her and wanted to take care of her and give her everything could want, like what I have with Brian. Im sorry she doesnt have better luck with men but my luck wasnt always the best either!
She probably does feel a little bad about not helping like she should. Even if she could help financially like she had said she was, she still could have given me moral support and she didnt.

Honestly, I would sit her down (if you haven't already) and explain to her that you never meant any harm, and that you are still there for her too. I have been the 'jealous' one, and it's a hard place to be.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Heather you have a point. I know all shes ever wanted was a man that didnt treat her like dirt and loved her and wanted to take care of her and give her everything could want, like what I have with Brian. Im sorry she doesnt have better luck with men but my luck wasnt always the best either!
She probably does feel a little bad about not helping like she should. Even if she could help financially like she had said she was, she still could have given me moral support and she didnt.

It sucks because we have to kiss a lot of frogs to find our princes. I know I had a lot of bad relationships, either verbally abusive, being used or having someone in love with me that I wasn't in love with.(and he wanted to marry me too!! :( Poor guy, he was like my best friend but I couldn't marry him and I felt so bad for saying no. Luckily he didn't have a ring!! lol) I guess we just need to point out to the people in our lives that they think that THE ONE just fell into our laps and that we did have a lot of other "BAD" relationships before THE ONE came along!! And that will most likely be the case for them too!! :)

[CindySue]

Honestly, I would sit her down (if you haven't already) and explain to her that you never meant any harm, and that you are still there for her too. I have been the 'jealous' one, and it's a hard place to be.
I did that on the phone yesterday. And Ive been there too.

[CindySue]

It sucks because we have to kiss a lot of frogs to find our princes. I know I had a lot of bad relationships, either verbally abusive, being used or having someone in love with me that I wasn't in love with.(and he wanted to marry me too!! :( Poor guy, he was like my best friend but I couldn't marry him and I felt so bad for saying no. Luckily he didn't have a ring!! lol) I guess we just need to point out to the people in our lives that they think that THE ONE just fell into our laps and that we did have a lot of other "BAD" relationships before THE ONE came along!! And that will most likely be the case for them too!! :)
Youre right, the reason I stayed single for so long after my divorce was because I didnt want to go through any of that BS again. I was hurt and my pride was wounded pretty bad. Brian was the same way. Its a joke between us that "love" had to smack us right upside the head, because if we had saw it coming, we would have ran from it. Neither of us wanted it, we were scared of it. Im glad we never had the chance to fight it, becasue we found the best thing that ever happen to us!

[countrygirl]

I did that on the phone yesterday. And Ive been there too.

Then you have done all you can do. Now it's up to her to decide how important you are to her. That may sound harsh, but the next step is hers. Hopefully one day she will be happy within and find MR RIght, and then she will understand what you have gone thru w her.

[CindySue]

As Brian gets to know her better he will probably realize that he wasn't the cause of you two not getting along. Even if he was the cause, a real friend wouldn't get mad if their friend is with someone and is happy. He didn't do anything but love you. Hang in there :D

I have had friends in the past like that and in the end I decided I didn't need friends that would do nothing but bring me down whenever I am happy so I ditched them;)
Ive kinda distanced myself from quite a few of my friends over the years beacuse I didnt like how I felt around them.
I did talk to Brian about her and I think he understands that a lot of it is jealousy and selfishness. The Goober even said "Im sorry I make you soo happy." He was teasing me though!!! It still just bothers him.