Deep Thoughts from A Bride To Be

[Whitewater]

Ok, so I responsed to Aleta's post in the Vents and Frustrations portion of this forum with what boils down to basically 'my dream wedding is happening this time not because of money but because I have the perfect man and the love of my life. I don't need the bells and whistles when I have him'.

But after I hit send I sat back and wondered about that a little bit. Because we ARE having at least some of the bells and whistles, albeit in a pretty scaled down fashion. I mean, we *could* go and get married in front of a judge, tomorrow, in nothing but his best suit and my best dress (which I bought for our rehearsal) -- but I'm not doing that.

So, why not? I mean, I've already been married once. You would think that would lessen the need for a traditional ceremony even more.

The biggest reason I can come up with for doing it all again is, frankly, that our relationship deserves it. We deserve to have our friends and family around us, we deserve to celebrate what we have in public, we deserve the flowers and the cake and the dancing and the fancy clothes -- because a wedding celebrates family and honors the new union that was formed when the two of US met -- and continues to grow and develop.

It's a celebration! On my friend's side, it's a celebration of the fact that I have finally found the love of my life. On his family's side, it's celebrating the fact that I bring Fiance the joy and happiness and security and partnership that he didn't have with his first wife.

And if our wedding is a public celebration of what Fiance and I have built together and continue to build, then why not involve at least a little bit of the traditional ways and means of a wedding?

We don't *need* them. But I say, we deserve them and if we want them, we can have them! After all, what's a party without good friends, good food, and a little bit of fun?


Whitewater

[mitch]

I'm totally with You on this One.

We too are on Our Second Marriage. At first FH just wanted Him, Me, The Two Witnesses and Their Two Children at the Registry Office. (Which i assume is the same as a Judge) He didn't even want His Own Children there at First :bbeek:

I agreed with Him on who were to be Our Witnesses. But i did put My foot down and insist on other people joining in the Celebration.
I wanted His Children there. I wanted to share Our Happiness with People who have been there through thick and thin. I wanted to shout from the rooftops and all the slushy stuff that goes with it.
We met in a Chatroom and i wanted to Invite a couple of Friends from there who never judged us for what We did to be together. (We were both still Married when We met) Friends who We had both spoken to before We even knew each other.
Like You, i have found a true soulmate. Someone i think about First thing in the Morning and Last thing at Night. Someone who has made Me so different (And for the better) than i ever was with My First Husband.

It may be a small Wedding. But like You, there will be a Cake, a long Dress for Me and a Suit for Him. Flowers and a few frilly bits.

But above all there will be Our Love for each other. And i want to world to see it. :D

[SerendipityCrafts]

I would have married DH wearing a dirty tshirt and a pair of sweat pants (ok well probably not) but when I got together with DH and we started talking wedding ... it just seemed to me that all the "fluff" and circumstance of my first wedding didn't really mean all that much.

This time I wanted something intimate, romantic and all about him and I. It didn't have anything to do with being a 1st marriage or not ... and it didn't mean that I didn't want to include my friends and family ... it's just that I wanted to focus more on the two of us and the promises we were making and less on all the rest.

[fireprincess2009]

I agree with you. After 10 years of bumps and bruises we finally got it right and to me, that's so much to celebrate. It is really hard not to get swept up in all the details. We just keep reminding ourselves that this day is about our love and sharing that with the ones we love. That usually gets us back on track :winktongue:

[Scrwballsgrl]

I think ya'll are all so sweet and am super excited that ya'll are all brides whether its "to be or again" doesn't matter:grinhappy:

I think you said it very well Whitewater,

"The biggest reason I can come up with for doing it all again is, frankly, that our relationship deserves it. We deserve to have our friends and family around us, we deserve to celebrate what we have in public, we deserve the flowers and the cake and the dancing and the fancy clothes -- because a wedding celebrates family and honors the new union that was formed when the two of US met -- and continues to grow and develop."

that is the real reason to celebrate afterall! Congratulations to all of you!

[amisteratwisterandme]

"The biggest reason I can come up with for doing it all again is, frankly, that our relationship deserves it. We deserve to have our friends and family around us, we deserve to celebrate what we have in public, we deserve the flowers and the cake and the dancing and the fancy clothes -- because a wedding celebrates family and honors the new union that was formed when the two of US met -- and continues to grow and develop."

Here Here. I couldn't agree more. I have a hard time sometimes hearing people say "It's your special day" do whatever you want and kick future mil or moh or so and so out of the wedding. I truly believe you should be able to do whatever you want, whether others agree or not, but isn't the whole point of having a wedding to merge 2 families together? Not to conquer and divide? I would never want my "wedding day" to become more important than the reason I choose to get married in the first place.

Not trying to upset anyone. Just have a real hard time with the BRIDEZILLA thing.

[WebLady]

I think every wedding deserves a celebration. But that celebration doesn't "have" to be any certain way to be meaningful or memorable.

If you want the fancy wedding, by all means go for it! But if you can't quite afford such a thing then there is no need to stress or go broke trying for something that doesn't "really" matter in the grand scheme of things.

The point is that what suits one person may not suit another; financially or otherwise. And as long as end up married who cares how you do it ;)

So do what you want and what you can afford and be happy.

[amisteratwisterandme]

I think every wedding deserves a celebration. But that celebration doesn't "have" to be any certain way to be meaningful or memorable.

If you want the fancy wedding, by all means go for it! But if you can't quite afford such a thing then there is no need to stress or go broke trying for something that doesn't "really" matter in the grand scheme of things.

The point is that what suits one person may not suit another; financially or otherwise. And as long as end up married who cares how you do it ;)

So do what you want and what you can afford and be happy.

Very well stated.

[dylansmom011908]

Ok, i'm about to cry!!! You guys are so on point and your words couldn't stimulate the heart more!!! lol

It's so true... DA*N IT...WE DESERVE IT HOW WE WANT IT!!

When you are lucky enough to find that one person that completes who you are, why can't it be over the top or even intimate and personal... however you choose... it really is the first day of the rest of your life with only the best things to come!!!

I love my FH so much that to think of a life without him hurts too much.

[08chrissy08]

I've been married before too. My first wedding I had very little to do with. I didn't even get to pick my dress. This time I want to enjoy it, I want the wedding to reflect me too and not just FH. He feels the same way. I didn't get to have the wedding of my dreams the first time, but people (my mom) still think it's silly that I want to have a church wedding this time and not just go in front of a justice of the peace. It's our wedding, it's our dream. It should be as we want it to be. There is nothing wrong with eloping, if that is what makes the couple happy, then that is fantastic. But this is what I want and this is what FH wants.

[snowgdss]

These are the kind of posts that make me love being part of this community.

I needed to read these.... It has been a very long week of us justifying our wedding choices to people (friends/ family/ you name it).

<hugs> girls... you are right.... it should all be about doing what WE want to celebrate OUR day(s)!!