How do you word the announcements when...

[Jettadear]

My fiance doesn't have a very normal parentage. In fact he has three men that you could say have a father type roll in his life. His mother married a Man #1, who my fiance feels is his dad in any definition of the word. This marriage was rocky and she was going to get a divorce, she ended up having a one night of fun (or so she says was one night only idk) and that is my fiance's biological father (Man #2). There was no relationship with Man #2 and my fiance didn't even know about this man until his senior year of high school. A few years later, my FMIL divorced Man #1. (he stuck around for my FH's sake when FMIL was pregnant.) FMIL remarried and enters Man #3 when my FH was in elementary school. How do I word the invitations and where do all these men sit. *sigh*

This should probably go under frustration but MIL doesn't want Man #2 (biological father) to sit anywhere near the reserved family section. Man #1 feels understandably uncomfortable around Man #2. FMIL says she's over it but is much like myself, a strong woman who voices her opinion, says that Man #2 should sit in the last row away from sight because he played no part in raising my FH. (Man #2 is trying to establish a relationship now and I just don't feel right not including him with the family. FMIL doesn't want to see him at all) I'm desperatly trying to make this wedding work but out of all the plans, this is what might make our wedding a nightmare. Is Man #2 family? How do I word the invitations? (Have I mentioned that my parents are paying for most of the wedding and would like to me named the daughter of etc. as would his parents in some fashion I can gather)

*sigh* It's feels like my FH always says "It's like I'm being punished for something that I never had any part of. Something that wasn't my fault to begin with." I'm afraid that this might just be one thing that I just have to let go of and leave it up to fate. But I can see this becomeing something of a bomb waiting to go off and I just can't figure out how to difuse it.

[ME&HIM]

i think this one should be up to your FH
really his father should sit near the front and maybe real dad in the next row with man#3

[TeacherSonja]

i think this one should be up to your FH


I agree. The decision is up to your FH, because at the wedding he should feel comfortable. I think it would be best if he follows his feelings.

[gwenshack]

Ditto. :)

FH should decide where he wants the three fathers to sit. Thank goodness he's not somebody that needs an escort down the aisle - can you imagine the chaos were he the bride?!? haha.

As for the announcement wording...perhaps...
son of MIL and bio dad, man he considers his actual dad, and step-son of MIL's current husband.

That's probably how I would do it.

Good luck!!
Gwen

[fouturemzjohnson]

My "step-father" raised me as his own child and father was never there after the divorce so Im going to use the man that raised me in my invites. Tell FH to use the man he is the closes to and who helped make him the man that he is today out of respect for the hard work that he did.

[saltyveruca]

Mr. Salty's parents are divorced and I wanted to avoid having a paragraph about parents, so we just said:

"Along with their parents, Salty and Mr. Salty invite you to..." blah blah blah.

[fouturemzjohnson]

Xactly on the money

[Jettadear]

I think that one sounds wonderfull. Let them make up their own minds over who parents refer to. Thanks alot guys.

[Voiceofreason]

Only those who are paying and hosting the event should be noted on the invitation. You can list all three in the wedding program if you so choose.

[luckythirteen05]

Mr. Salty's parents are divorced and I wanted to avoid having a paragraph about parents, so we just said:

"Along with their parents, Salty and Mr. Salty invite you to..." blah blah blah.

i think this is perfect.

as for where they should sit, i don't think the biological dad should sit with the family, just because it would be too uncomfortable for other people. but i think he should be included somehow.

good luck with your tough situation.

[sandy03]

I would ask your FH what he wants to do as far as the seating situation. Depending on how large your "family" section is going to be, maybe his biological father could be near the back of it, a couple of rows behind the normal parent/grandparent places. If nothing else, he could sit near the front of the "regular" guests and you could just blame it on the ushers or something!

As for the invitations, you don't have to include your FHs family at all (I'm not since my dad is paying and my FH's family isn't contributing), or you could also say "the parents of" or "the families of" or "together with their parents" if you would like them mentioned in some way.

[Angel1na3]

I think you should say on the invites "your names together with there parents" and leave it at that. like another person said, let them decide who "parents" is refering to.
As for the seating, remember this is both you and the future hubbie's day. you guys need to choose where dad #2 sits. Whatever the both of you is comfortable and happy with is all that matters.

[Gertie]

Ok, what I am hearing here is that a group of supposed adults (future mil, and possibly the three men in her life...mostly future mil though) are acting like children. I realize this is not MY wedding, but if it were, I would say to everyone the wedding will last not more than one hour. You will all pretend to be adults for this. The invitations will say "together with their families" because there is only so much space on the cards. IF you feel like it, you might grant that mil and all her men will be listed under groom's family pew by name. The three men can chose to a) not attend or b) walk in together, and sit at a reasonable distance from each other in the pew behind FH's mother. Then I would say to each "will you be attending". As for the reception, irregardless of this issue, I lean toward more relaxed and would have a buffet with everyone choosing a seat as suits them. I would probably also let all and sundry know I have a 6'5" big burly football lineman brother and if anyone I do not care whom they are gets out of hand at the reception, they will be making a rather close aquiantance with his foot to their tush expelling them from the proceedings. Btw, off duty police officers can be hired to keep an eye on the crowd, some venues in our area in fact require them.