Should I buy my BM's dress?

[Jacobs_Girl]

Ok so one of my BM's still does not have her dress and I talked to her today. She totally doesnt know anything about dresses in the first place because shes always been a tom boy and knows nothing about weddings.

When I told her about the ordering part she had no clue they took that long. As I thought what she was thinking was walk into a store pick out a dress, prefect fit bam off into the sun set we go.

Anyways I talked to her today and of course she doesnt have the money. She is a single mother working at walmart (not very good pay).

I told her I would look for dresses for her on ebay to help HER out and get her a dress. She said she looked and only saw a few dresses in apple red but they were all short. So I have been looking all day and found maybe 4 of them at are in her size and long red apple dresses.

They range from $20-$70, I could get it for her (even if she says she is going to pay me back I am not counting on it)

Or I could just drop her out of the wedding party altogether and have one girl walk down with 2 guys. Or one of the flower girls walk down with 1 guy.

what do you guys think?

[Danielle9608]

Is she a good friend? Would you be upset if she couldn't stand up with you? Personally if it was me and I could afford it I would just buy it.

[mitch]

Oooh that's a tough One :bbeek:

I think it all depends on how you Two are getting along lately. I read so many posts on here from Brides moaning about their BM's and how they have turned into something they never were before. Then they dump them from the Wedding and all is good in the world again.

IMO if you are getting along and you can budget for the Dress. Then by all means go ahead and purchase. But then again, will She kick off and moan that it won't suit Her etc?

Maybe she said about the Dresses She has found not being right as a way of saying She doesn't want to know. Or that she just feels uncomfortable wearing a Dress. You did mention She was more a Tom-Boy than a Girlie-Girl.

Or maybe She hasn't even looked for anything and just said She had seen "A Few" to appease You.

And Yes, i know these are more Questions than Answers. But You have to take a step back (Like we can on the outside looking in) And think what is best FOR YOU.

Good Luck.

[Jacobs_Girl]

Is she a good friend? Would you be upset if she couldn't stand up with you? Personally if it was me and I could afford it I would just buy it.

She was my friend since grade school we lost touch when I left for college. I personally wouldn't be upset that she couldnt be in the wedding I would be upset because the numbers were uneven and it would look weird.

The dress I could afford, the question is do I want to spend the money on that?

[Jacobs_Girl]

Oooh that's a tough One :bbeek:

I think it all depends on how you Two are getting along lately. I read so many posts on here from Brides moaning about their BM's and how they have turned into something they never were before. Then they dump them from the Wedding and all is good in the world again.

IMO if you are getting along and you can budget for the Dress. Then by all means go ahead and purchase. But then again, will She kick off and moan that it won't suit Her etc?

Maybe she said about the Dresses She has found not being right as a way of saying She doesn't want to know. Or that she just feels uncomfortable wearing a Dress. You did mention She was more a Tom-Boy than a Girlie-Girl.

Or maybe She hasn't even looked for anything and just said She had seen "A Few" to appease You.

And Yes, i know these are more Questions than Answers. But You have to take a step back (Like we can on the outside looking in) And think what is best FOR YOU.

Good Luck.

we talked about her and the dress in the beginning. This is the second time in her whole life wearing a dress. lol

Shes not the type to kick off and moan she would wear it with a bage of honor lol she really wanted to be in my wedding. But I dont want her to feel belittled as well. Yanno how you see the other bridesmaid getting their hair and make up done professionally and you cant afford it?

[snowflakebride]

She was my friend since grade school we lost touch when I left for college. I personally wouldn't be upset that she couldnt be in the wedding I would be upset because the numbers were uneven and it would look weird.

The dress I could afford, the question is do I want to spend the money on that?

Don't worry about uneven numbers. Anymore, it doesn't really matter. You could have two GMs walk one, etc.

Also, if you tell her "You can't afford the dress so you can't be in the wedding" A) That's going to make you sound like a jerk, whether you want to be or not, and will end your friendship (if you were trying to avoid that) and B) What if she suddenly comes up with the money (borrows it from someone else, etc.). Since the terms were she couldn't afford the dress and now she can, you're still stuck with a BM.

For that kind of price, I would find a way to buy the dress. If she drops/doesn't show up, you can always resell it on ebay.

[Jacobs_Girl]

Just a quick update I did try to buy her that dress off ebay but someone else out bidded me. With 26 days left I just told her to try her best to get a dress. Other than that I cant do anything.

If she doesn't get her dress we are going to put one of the groomsmen either with a flower girl or have 2 guys with the one bridesmaid

[mitch]

Just a quick update I did try to buy her that dress off ebay but someone else out bidded me. With 26 days left I just told her to try her best to get a dress. Other than that I cant do anything.

If she doesn't get her dress we are going to put one of the groomsmen either with a flower girl or have 2 guys with the one bridesmaid

Wot a bummer You was Out-Bid on eBay. It sure does annoy Me when that happens.

I think You have made a good decision there. It leaves Your options open and the ball in her court. If She really wants to be in the Wedding then She will walk through Fire to make sure She gets a Dress. And if She doesn't, It's nice to see You are not too worried about who walks with who.

The main thing is they walk down, You walk down too, Get Married and all is good in the world. :D

[Jacobs_Girl]

Wot a bummer You was Out-Bid on eBay. It sure does annoy Me when that happens.

I think You have made a good decision there. It leaves Your options open and the ball in her court. If She really wants to be in the Wedding then She will walk through Fire to make sure She gets a Dress. And if She doesn't, It's nice to see You are not too worried about who walks with who.

The main thing is they walk down, You walk down too, Get Married and all is good in the world. :D

:grinhappy: I was the highest bidder when I went to bed last night but the auction ended at like 4am, but I bidded the highest price I would for the dress, guess someone wanted it more. I think the dress went for $82


At first I was worried but now I just have too many other things I need to worry about let alone about a BM and her dress.

[spuls5]

We will be paying for the whole wedding party's clothing. I already asked my mom and she said she will pay for the BM's. I am pretty sure FH's mom is paying for the guys tuxs. I personally don't think it's right to ask someone to be in your wedding and them make them pay for a dress, but that's just me. Plus I have one BM flying in so she has the cost of a plane ticket and to add on the cost of a dress is asking a lot in my opinion.

I see you were out bid on one. Since it is so close all you can ask is she find something. I know you have a million things going on to worry about it. But if you come across something I personally would just buy it.

Again that's just me. Nothing against others what so ever.

[Jacobs_Girl]

We will be paying for the whole wedding party's clothing. I already asked my mom and she said she will pay for the BM's. I am pretty sure FH's mom is paying for the guys tuxs. I personally don't think it's right to ask someone to be in your wedding and them make them pay for a dress, but that's just me. Plus I have one BM flying in so she has the cost of a plane ticket and to add on the cost of a dress is asking a lot in my opinion.

I see you were out bid on one. Since it is so close all you can ask is she find something. I know you have a million things going on to worry about it. But if you come across something I personally would just buy it.

Again that's just me. Nothing against others what so ever.

Thats nice of you to pay for the bridal parties attire.

Before I asked them to accept to be in my bridal party I asked them politely if they were able to carry the responsibility and expenses that may occur to be in the bridal party and they all accepted.

If I find something on sale or see something I would get it for her but what really irks me is she had over 6 months to let me know if she was getting a dress or not. So basically she was just stringing me along saying she would. I mean come on Davids Bridals has these sales and dresses are even as low at $50, I made more with my allowance for 1 week when I was 12 years old.

Everyone else including Jacob says I shouldn't get her a dress, that was her fault she did not say anything before. My other BM told me in advance and I bought her dress for her. It was off of ebay but I researched and purchased it for her.

[spuls5]

I agree with ya there. She had plenty of time to get it.

[f77g4]

That's too bad you got out bid...I can't believe that she's waited so long getting a dress...that was nice of you to try and purchase the dress for her on ebay - it's too bad you got out bid.

My girls are paying for their own dresses but I am looking after paying for their hair and makeup - now mind you I only have 2 girls. I figure I will take any opportunity I can to help them out.