Frustrated With Bride

[MOMOFBRIDE]

I am very frustrated with all this wedding planning. While my daughter is doing all the wedding planning herself at her insistence, I am ok with this, but she is way off track on some things and doesn't seem to be able to see the forest for the trees.

Presently she is planning sitting for reception. She has decided that she will not sit anyone together that may find it awckword to converse together. She wants everyone to be relaxed and enjoy. Sounds wonderful! Yes!

She has decided that her parents can sit with a girl she knew ten years ago and unknown date, a sibling who has no date and another couple. This table has no connection or common ground to spend hours sitting together. She does not seem to recognize that her parents should be sitting at a table of honor. Usually this is with the other parents of new spouse and grandparents or other individuals of signifcance in their lives.

Pretty much each table so far is a mis-match like ours. It will be a disaster with everyone preying for everything to end so they can either move on or leave.

Any ideas to get her back on track! If I say so much as a word on the subject of wedding she gets very upset. She's a bride that does not want to here anything but lovely dear!

[Goin2thechapel]

I hear your frusterations. I have been in your Daughters same position and remember fighting with my mother every single day over the silly seating chart! That was the most stressful thing ever!!!!!

All I can offer you is that you take this and show it to your daughter if you want. Here is my experience with the seating chart.

I wanted exactly what your daughter wanted. I wanted all of my guests to mix and mingle with each other...THEY DON'T!! They congregate with those that they know, as would any other human being. I didn't see this UNTIL my wedding day. My mother talked to me over and over again about seating and I told her that I wanted some of his family mixed with mine...Turns out that I just gave in to please her and guess what...She was right!!! After dinner people just go where ever they want to. They also enjoyed the wedding more being able to talk with family members that they knew...

PLUS, It's her wedding day...Once it's all said and done, she will never stop in the middle of the wedding to think about the seating chart...that's silly! The most important part of the day isn't where people are sitting, it's that she's married to the other half that makes her whole...

[Jacobs_Girl]

I might sound like a horrid daughter but the more my mom usually fights me on things like seating charts the more I move her AWAY from me. It's her day not yours, let her make it her own way.

Your just causing more stress on her making little complaints as this. Can you imagine what stress she is going through trying to plan the wedding?

Put yourself in her shoes. You have bridesmaids that aren't doing what they suppose to be, vendors that don't have time to meet with you, decorations that wont go up right, people not getting dresses, paying for all these things, guest not rsvping, the dress alterations person loosing your dress, no one else is helping you and you want to pull all your hair out and move to bangkok to become a monk! Then on top of that your mom complains about the seating chart :bbeek:

Parents are not always sitting at the honored or head table. Lots of people put the in separate tables and put the bridal party at the head table.

[Lang2b]

I agree with both of u. But it is her day and her wedding. then again people might not want to sit with people they dont know. But afterwards they can be with who they want after the dinner.

[Brian's Bride]

I wouldn't worry about it, mom. You're probably right, but it's her day and she wants to do it her way. Then you can gloat about how awkward the dinner was. My mother saved all of her negative comments until the gift opening the next day.

[jenkniivila]

I understand your frustration but really all you can do is offer your opinion or suggestions and let her make the decisions. Afterall, it is her wedding.. even if it is out of your pocket. You're only a bride once! (hopefully) So, support her and just let her know how you feel. She may listen if you come at it more as a suggestion than a demand. Attitude is everything.. especially in a situation like this.

Best wishes to you and happy planning!

[WebLady]

I agree with the other ladies ... give your suggestions and let it be that. One suggestion might be that she reserved the first couple of tables for family and let everyone else find their own seat.

But ultimately it is probably best just to let the bride do what she and her FH think is best. Then mess with them later, after the wedding, when you see that you were right ;)

[kgvettegirl]

But ultimately it is probably best just to let the bride do what she and her FH think is best. Then mess with them later, after the wedding, when you see that you were right ;)
Yeah, there is nothing like gloating and being able to say

"See your mother is always right, I told you so."

[MOMOFBRIDE]

Pre judging is not fair.

I have no intention to sticking it to my daughter now or after the wedding.

One day everyone of you will be parents and in my shoes. When you are spending to the tune of $20,000.00 plus dollars and allowing your child free rein to do what they want with it, then it would be nice to at least have the child be considerate enough of your feelings and comfort to place you with people you know and are in your age group at the wedding. I think that would be not too much of a stretch to extend this courtesy to parents.

I've remained faithfully mum on anything she does or has chosen to do re wedding. I nor my husband have not made a comment on the seating arrangements to date. My husband is upset and I feel that I should mention something, after all he's the one that works his behind off for the $$$'s and is giving it away to her. I think she's a lucky gal to have us. You don't hear of many brides that can do what they want and the parents sit with their lips zippered.

My lips are still sealed. Hopefully I will make it through the wedding and out the other end with the zipper in place. Only a few weeks left, survived this long, home plate in sight.

[WebLady]

Pre judging is not fair.

I have no intention to sticking it to my daughter now or after the wedding.

I don't think any of us meant to come off accusing you of anything mean; I believe it was meant as more of a joke ;)

One day everyone of you will be parents and in my shoes. When you are spending to the tune of $20,000.00 plus dollars and allowing your child free rein to do what they want with it, then it would be nice to at least have the child be considerate enough of your feelings and comfort to place you with people you know and are in your age group at the wedding. I think that would be not too much of a stretch to extend this courtesy to parents.

I've remained faithfully mum on anything she does or has chosen to do re wedding. I nor my husband have not made a comment on the seating arrangements to date. My husband is upset and I feel that I should mention something, after all he's the one that works his behind off for the $$$'s and is giving it away to her. I think she's a lucky gal to have us. You don't hear of many brides that can do what they want and the parents sit with their lips zippered.

My lips are still sealed. Hopefully I will make it through the wedding and out the other end with the zipper in place. Only a few weeks left, survived this long, home plate in sight.I compleatly understand your frustrations and it would be nice if your daughter would think of your feelings with her plans to use your gift.

But the way I see it; parents (or anyone else) paying for the wedding should do so as a gift and said should be given with no strings attached. The couple should be able to do what they want; sounds like that is what you have done, so kuddos to you!

But yeah, it would be nice if brides (and grooms) would be more considerate of the people spending boocoos of money to try to give them a nice wedding.

Good luck! Hopefully you guys will get through it and it will be wonderful for everyone!

[Nekochanpurr]

Honestly.. I think its weird. Why wouldn't you put your parents with grandparents and other close family members? Not at the head table, but at a table close to head table. o.o;

[WebLady]

Honestly.. I think its weird. Why wouldn't you put your parents with grandparents and other close family members? Not at the head table, but at a table close to head table. o.o;Yep, that is what I would do ... but to each their own ;)

[kgvettegirl]

Yeah, there is nothing like gloating and being able to say

"See your mother is always right, I told you so."
Believe me when I say with all honesty I was laughing my a$$ off as I typed that. I'm 50 and my mom is 75 and she still is telling me that. It never ends. It is human nature to do it. She tells me she heard it from her mom till the end.

Yes it would be wonderful if we as daughters always did what our parents wanted us to do. But in the struggle to be independent and make our own decisions we sometimes do not do what is expected of us. It is part of the learning process. It is also a parents struggle to let go of the reins and allow our children to make mistakes, stumble, and to even fail. All we can do is to love them and be there to pick up the pieces.

Congratulations on your daughter's marriage. I hope it is a long and loving one.

[Brian's Bride]

You said you'd be spending "hours" at this table, when in reality, it'll probably be an hour at most. I'm sure your daughter appreciates your husband's hard work to pay for her wedding and I agree that it's a shame your comfort isn't being considered. I also think it's strange that she's choosing to put you with people other than your immediate family. Did she share her reasoning with you on that?

For my wedding, I didn't mess with seating charts. I had a head table for the bridal party, and the tables closest were reserved for immediate family. Everyone else fended for themselves. While etiquette-wise it may not have been correct, I didn't hear any complaints about it. I would prefer to choose who I would be sitting with anyways. Perhaps you could suggest that idea with your daughter and it would be less-stress all the way 'round.

[081608Bride]

You said you'd be spending "hours" at this table, when in reality, it'll probably be an hour at most. I'm sure your daughter appreciates your husband's hard work to pay for her wedding and I agree that it's a shame your comfort isn't being considered. I also think it's strange that she's choosing to put you with people other than your immediate family. Did she share her reasoning with you on that?

For my wedding, I didn't mess with seating charts. I had a head table for the bridal party, and the tables closest were reserved for immediate family. Everyone else fended for themselves. While etiquette-wise it may not have been correct, I didn't hear any complaints about it. I would prefer to choose who I would be sitting with anyways. Perhaps you could suggest that idea with your daughter and it would be less-stress all the way 'round.


I agree with this.

We aren't having seating charts. We will have the head table reserved for the bridal party and then the two tables closet will be reserved for our parents and who ever else will be sitting at them. Everyone else can decide where to sit.

My mom and dad are paying for our wedding and my mom is pretty much letting me do whatever I want. She has had some suggestion and I have either gone with them or haven't. But if she told me that there was something that would make her or my dad uncomfortable I would take that into consideration. Maybe you could talk to her in private and tell her you are ok with everything else she is doing but you do not feel comfortable with the seating arrangments.

[mobdilemma]

Pretty much each table so far is a mis-match like ours. It will be a disaster with everyone preying for everything to end so they can either move on or leave.


I have been to numerous events, both business and social, where the guests seated at a table didn't know each other at all and it was fine. Unless there are a bunch of Junior High kids there who are going to be glum if they can't be with their best friends EVERY SINGLE MINUTE, most people will be enjoy socializing with strangers for the hour or so the meal takes. Afterwards, when the formalities are over and the dancing starts, people will shift around and sit with their friends.

(Of course, we have avoided this for my daughter's wedding by not having a seating chart. With only 40 people coming, it doesn't matter where they sit.:D)

[bichonlvr]

I think I would make a big deal about YOUR table and maybe the groom's family, she should let you pick who you want to sit with, that is common courtesy!

I kinda feel the excuse that she is stressed etc., is kinda like it goes with the territory. Planning ANY big event is stressful. I would tell her your honest opinion about YOUR table!

Every wedding I have been at or in, tables are crazy and everyone sits with everyone. But never the family!

Good luck MOB!

[MOMOFBRIDE]

I'll consider everyones suggestion that I mention it to her. I think I will wait and see her final draft, at this point we were only told verbally what she thought she'd do. Maybe when she puts pen to paper she'll have different thoughts.

Alot of you feel a grin and bare it for one hour is what we should do. The fact is this is a service reception and there is a block time of 2.4 hours for dining and immediately speeches etc. So you are looking at sitting together at least 3 hours if not longer. I agree a one hour quick meal or even a bit longer, you can grin and bare it, but that is not the case here. We are talking hours.

[harleybride]

My 2 cents. Just tell you daughter what you told us. I am having a terrible time with the seating charts. I want people to be comfortable, and I know that sticking people who dont know eachother may work and may not. It depends on the personalities. In reality people will only be sitting together for dinner. Give her your opnion, but it is her day and if she thinks it will work let her try. I know you paying for the wedding, so your suggestions should be welcomed by your daughter. I know I went with some of my parents suggestions and some I just didnt like. Just remeber people will talk to who they want, and if they are not happy with who thier sitting with, they wont be there for long. Good luck I hope it all works out.

[SerendipityCrafts]

It is "normal" to place the parents and grandparents at an honourary table or at least with someone they are related to (siblings, children etc.)

Let me ask you this .... is there some reason she doesn't want the new inlaws seated together? Have you had a tiff with his parents before? If not, you might suggest that this would be the perfect way to get to know them better. After all, you will be family :)

If that doesn't work .... remember that it is her wedding. While my daughter isn't married yet (she's 21), I know I am going to find it hard to sit back and let her do as she wants with my money but, I will do it because my mother let me do it when I was married.

Let me ask you another question - will this make one iota of difference to you, say 1 year from now? I guess what I am trying to say is ... don't sweat the small stuff Mom. You will get through this and I bet that it won't be nearly as bad as you think it will be.

Surely, you can find something to talk about, with those seated at your table - how do you know my daughter or my new son in law? Has it really been 10 years since we have seen you? So, what have you been up to?

If these people cannot carry on a conversation, I would imagine that the tables around you will be close enough that you can lean back and talk to someone you know :)

You can't converse while speeches are being made or when your mouth is full so that cuts out a lot of the conversation time.

Good luck to you and please come back to let us know how it went.

[f77g4]

In is for situations like this that I have decided that I am not doing assigned seating at the reception. I want everyone to be comfortable and have a good time so I am allowing them to choose where they sit. Luckily my mother agrees.

[10Nov2008]

You're very generous to give your daughter such a hefty sum for her wedding. My parents are doing the same thing and I am very greatful to them for doing so. In the beginning though, they were very demanding and I told them that if their money came with strings, they could keep it and FH and I would foot the bill. It is very important to my folks that they do this and I am sure that you are honored to be able to do it for your daughter.

Yes. She should be greatful to recieve such a gift from you and with all the hubub going on, I am sure she will remember to show you how thankful she is. You should also be gracious in giving the gift and not expect that she will do such-and-such because of it.

As a daughter who will be having a sit-down reception with assigned tables, I can tell you that I have no intention of sitting my new in-laws with my parents. I know that my father can be very abrasive and my FMIL is an absolute BI*** (even my FH and his sister can attest to that). Neither set of parent(s) will be sat at the head table either. My folks will be placed at a table close to the head table on one side, and his family will be on the other side.

Your daughter might be doing you a favor in not setting you all together. Also, she might think of her old friend as a guest of honor and is showing how much that friend means to her by setting her with you. You might also be the only people that her friend knows.

Also keep in mind that even though this is a sit-down reception, people will most likely not be sitting for the entire duration of it, especially if you have a bar or a cake table or something else which will allow inter-action among the guests.

Lastly, you haven't mentioned if you and your husband are the hosts for the event or if your daughter and her FH are hosting it. Even if they are, you are still able to go around the room talking to those you know or introducing yourself to those you don't know. Personally, I sincerely hope that my parents circulate around the room to help me in greeting guests (they are the official hosts for the event). I think it would be poor form for them to simply sit at a table all night, even if they weren't hosting.

Just keep in mind that your daughter might have reasons for doing what she's doing. You might want to inquire about her reasoning and then talk about it from there.