Why don't guys get it?

[Jenn060306]

I really can't understand why guys don't seem to understand the need to book things early.
I have been asking for the number for the lady who made Mark's mom's wedding cake for a month. And it just seems like it isn't a big deal to Mark. He seems to think that 2 months is WAY to early to be booking a cake. He thinks that booking the reception in November 2004 was way to early. I feel like i am pulling my hair out trying to get him to do the things he agreed to doing. I had a complete tempertantrum tonight when i was talking to him about it and then stepped on a peice of computer :censored: that he's left laying on the floor for nearly 2 months. :bawling:
It's making me crazy waiting for him. I want to give up and do it myself. But i know he will be upset that i did that. A couple weeks ago i asked him to put together a spread sheet of the expenses. Hasn't done it. A year ago i asked him to look into musicians for the cocktail hour.... Do we have musicians Nope! I wanted him to find info on transportation how much a limo would be, renting vans, having our cars detailed so we can use them. Nope not done. :chair:
Am i crazy for thinking he just doesen't give a rats :censored: ? I know if i do it he'll be grumpy. But if i wait for him it will be last minute and i will have more anxiety attacks freaking out over what's happening. I sometimes wish he'd just say.... "Just tell me where to be and when".

[WhiskeyGirl]

Jenn

At this point I'd be grabbing the bull by the horns and doing it yourself and LETTING HIM KNOW how much he is letting you down and dropping the ball!! It isn't fair for him to leave you out in the cold on these issues when really these things NEED to be done ASAP!! So tell him to get on it or you'll just have to do it yourself...if he gets mad then you need to tell him straight up that him waiting until the last minute would result in you both not getting what you want and you BEING very upset!! You have enough stress, don't let this add to the pile. Take care and like I said Grab that bull by the horns hun!!


Shawna

[CarlosHoney]

ITA w/ everything thar CB said. I'm having the same problem with Carlo.

This is how I handled it:

"Honey, things A, B, and C need to be done. You have until April 30th to do them. If you do not do them, I will do them. You will have NO input and cannot be upset if you don't like the choices that I made."

It's already going to be the 15th on Saturday. The things that I asked him to do aren't done. So? I already picked it all out, and I'm just waiting until the 30th to go ahead and do it. ;)

[Jenn060306]

It's funny cause he know's how crazy it makes me. I start freaking out, then the tears come and he starts trying to calm me down. He admitted last night that he really needs to do more in his time off. Hopefully this weekend i will be able to get him to get some info since he will be off on Friday.
I think i will do the same thing Carrie.... tell him he has to the end of the month. Then i will just do it myself.

I can't help but think its some genetic code inscripted in them.

[OctoberBride06]

I don't think they understand, my FH keeps telling me to stop worrying about things we have lots of times, but he doesn't realize they other people get married and could have booked what we want already, we aren't doing a sit down dinner, but would like to have lots of different food, and I keep asking him what we should do, and that I like this place the platters are reasonably priced, and he just says we still have 6 months we will worry about it later.. he is like that with everything.. its gets frusterating

I can't even begin to imagine how you are feeling with just 2 months to go... I would do exactly what shawna suggested... I hope he starts to help you out a bit more~
don't they realize if they do all this now, they won't have to do anything later, lol

[CindySue]

Brian was kinda the same way. Couldnt figure out what the rush was. He was totally left out of the planning before so he didnt have a clue at wants involved. He has gotten up off his butt and started doing his wedding stuff. We put in a garden pond in the corner of the flower bed this past weekend and I planted flowers. We even put in an irrigation system so we dont have to remember to water them. We just set the timer and they take care of themselves! I planted some around the tree in the front yard last night. The yard is going to be soo pretty for my reception!!!

[StaceyMc]

It's not just wedding stuff that they wait until the last minute for. Who do you see at the malls on Christmas Eve? Men.

I worked retail one Christmas and was shocked at the number of men I helped pick out jewelry with on Christmas Eve. They wait for the last minute for everything. I took my engagement ring back the night before Valentines Day - guys seemed to be in every jewelry store, looking for Valentine's Day gifts.

I agree with everyone else, give him a list and a deadline - if he doesn't meet the deadline - just do it yourself. I know it sucks to just have to do it after asking him, but in the long run, it's going to save you some tears and stress.

[CindySue]

It's not just wedding stuff that they wait until the last minute for. Who do you see at the malls on Christmas Eve? Men.

Brian is one of the few that doesnt wait till the last minute. He had my b-day present 2 weeks before my birthday. He had my Christmas present around the 1st of December and everybody elses by the 15th. The only thing he picked up at the last minute was my flowers for Valentines day. We werent even going to do anything except dinner so he surprised me with flowers.
But everything else, he waits on. He still hasnt done his taxes.

[brewsells]

Adam has been kind of the same way. He really doesn't want a whole lot to do with the planning. All he wants is to plan his side of the line, which I have left to him. I am a little afraid that he will wait until last minute. But, if they have to walk down the isle naked, it's his own fault...

I would do what you need to do. If he doesn't want to participate in the planning, or doesn't think it needs to be done this early, do it yourself. I agree with how Carrie handled it. Tell him he had till a specific date and if it's not done, he can't complain on how you choose.

[Kacie_bride]

I know how it must feel. Justin is the same way. A friend of his Dad is in a band and Justin would like the band to play at the reception. Well I really want a confirmation and the guy said he had to talk to the other members of the band to see if the date will work and to see how much it will cost etc. Well that was weeks ago. I have been naging him to find out the outcome and yesterday he asked the guy and he still hasn't talked to the other members of the band! If we cannot have the band there is a DJ that I really am interested in, but I'm not even sure if they have the day left anymore. So it will take another week to find out about the band! If he wasn't so hell bent on having the band I would just book the DJ.

[Jenn060306]

LOL. Mark is usually one of those guys who is at the mall at the last minute. He's been getting better in the last couple years cause i have been dragging him out earlier to start buying Christmas gifts. I usually end up buying them all myself anyways. This past Christmas he said he want's to start doing the shopping in October.... spread the expenses out.
This morning i printed off a Wedding Planning Timeline and highlighted the things we've done already. Then left what we still need to do blank. There are some that they said needed to be done back in the 6 months time frame. :bbconfused: Hopefully he will understand more when he reads that.
It took him forever to ask his guys to be groomsmen. He wanted to wait until he asked his BiL to be the best man before asking anyone eles. He was so slow doing it because 'It never came up in Conversation'. I was able to get him to book the tuxes a couple weeks ago cause i had a fit about it not being done, and his dad was on his case cause he wants to get a tux as well.

[StaceyMc]

I guess I didn't mean to generalize that all men wait until the last minute at Christmas and holidays.

Kacie - you're a more patient woman than me. I'd be screeching at him everyday about the band.....lol.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Matthew was more on the ball when we were planning for our wedding then I was!!! He was always like "honey, shouldn't we be doing this or that?" He booked the reception venue, the JoP, the DJ, almost everything!! I had no clue!! lol. For me it was just a get your gown and show up thing until I took over about two months before the wedding!! I was in charge of all the little things and he was in charge of the big things!!

[tha_mrs]

I wonder what Tommio will be like?(LOL) Seeing as how he waits till the last minute on everything, and is late for everything, whew....I got a lot to worry about!(lol) I sure hope he isn't late for the wedding!

[CarlosHoney]

Tell him that it is 30 minutes before it really is.. I.E. Your wedding is really at 6:00, tell him that it's at 5:30?

[Kacie_bride]

I guess I didn't mean to generalize that all men wait until the last minute at Christmas and holidays.

Kacie - you're a more patient woman than me. I'd be screeching at him everyday about the band.....lol.

See Justin does not do that with Christmas shopping. He always wants the Christmas shopping to be done by October and I'm more of a last minute Christmas shopper than he is. On the other hand, my dad and my brother are the typical men when it comes to b-day present shopping or Valentine's Day and yes they are at the mall on Christmas Eve.

So the band business is driving me crazy, but I'm not going to ask again until next week. He thinks the only reason the DJ company is telling me to book this early is because they just want my money. Men! Not only are there a lot of weddings on December 30, but there are other parties going on that day as well other than weddings!

[usahgrad]

Ok, I just skimmed, but I thought I'd reply to the initial post;

I don't know why they do it, but mine did it too! If I hadn't kicked his butt, he wouldn't have ever gone to the tux shop. And then, when he still had to pick out his coat (so he was different from the guys) I had to kick his butt to get him to do that too...

Guess we have to get used to it. :)

[CindySue]

Well Ive been telling yall about how Brians been working sooo hard in the yard getting it ready for the reception and Ive been helping him by planting flowers and such. He jumped my @ss last night saying I dint need to buy any more flower because Im creating too much work for him. Hello? I have been the one to plant each and every **** flower we brought home. I have also been watering every day the ones not covered by the irrigation system.I had worked hard yesterday, first by fixing what the dogs had dug up and then by panting the last of the flowers and making the beds look better. He spent most of the evening in the office doing his taxes. When he came outside and told me that, he made it sound like Ive been sitting on my @ss not doing a thing. Im sore from all the gardening this past weekend and all this week.
I guess so much for him "getting it"!:bbconfused:

[Jenn060306]

Well Ive been telling yall about how Brians been working sooo hard in the yard getting it ready for the reception and Ive been helping him by planting flowers and such. He jumped my @ss last night saying I dint need to buy any more flower because Im creating too much work for him. Hello? I have been the one to plant each and every **** flower we brought home. I have also been watering every day the ones not covered by the irrigation system.I had worked hard yesterday, first by fixing what the dogs had dug up and then by panting the last of the flowers and making the beds look better. He spent most of the evening in the office doing his taxes. When he came outside and told me that, he made it sound like Ive been sitting on my @ss not doing a thing. Im sore from all the gardening this past weekend and all this week.
I guess so much for him "getting it"!:bbconfused:

Oh i would be furious if Mark did that to me! I'm sorry Brian's being so grumpy about it. I don't think they realize how much work the things we do actually takes. Hang in there...
I bet your garden look gorgous! I'd love to see pictures!

[CindySue]

Oh i would be furious if Mark did that to me! I'm sorry Brian's being so grumpy about it. I don't think they realize how much work the things we do actually takes. Hang in there...
I bet your garden look gorgous! I'd love to see pictures!
I really dont think he was mad about the flowers. I think he was stressed from working on his taxes. But its not my fault he waited up until the last minute to do them. When we start filing together, that wont be happeneing! I just dont like it when he gets frustrated and b*tches at me. He apologized to me when I talked to him a few minuts ago.
I still have some cleaning up to do and plant some grass seed in the bare spots, but I hope to have pics as soon as I remember the batteries for the camera!

[Jenn060306]

I really dont think he was mad about the flowers. I think he was stressed from working on his taxes. But its not my fault he waited up until the last minute to do them. When we start filing together, that wont be happeneing! I just dont like it when he gets frustrated and b*tches at me. He apologized to me when I talked to him a few minuts ago.
I still have some cleaning up to do and plant some grass seed in the bare spots, but I hope to have pics as soon as I remember the batteries for the camera!

I understand, Mark gets that way too... He's been really stressed about work lately. Some of his co-workers have been on his back about little things. And since he's the only one who can do any of the web stuff he's got alot ot to and can't drop everything to tend to whatever they are asking at that particular moment. Yesterday he had about 6 people come to him about a spelling mistake. It was just two letters that had been flipped. But he's been so busy gettng the internet radio station up and running he hasn't had a chance to fix it yet.
He got a little snippy on the phone last night when we got talking about the plans for this weekend. I told him i didn't want to talk to him about it until he came home. He was almost here so he had 10 minutes to think about it and simmer before we actually talked about it. I feel bad because i need him to be available when he's at home to help me with the wedding plans and cleaning but when he gets home he is so tired and just wants to relax cause he works 12 hours a day 4 days straight.
I still haven't been able to get the name of the cake lady from him. Apperently nobody remembers what her name is. So we're going to have to look into somthing eles which annoys him because he still doesen't belive that you need more then a couple weeks to book a cake even though i have told him and shown him otherwise.
I love the guy, but ARGH! I wish he got it!

[tha_mrs]

Tell him that it is 30 minutes before it really is.. I.E. Your wedding is really at 6:00, tell him that it's at 5:30?

Oh that was the plan from the start! I'd like for the wedding to start at 3:00. He has to be at the church at 2:00 that way he will get there at 2:30. We will actually start at 2:45. I told my coordinator that as long as there is a bride and groom, there is a wedding! We will began the first of the procession promptly at 3:00,so anyone arriving at 3:00 is late!(lol)

[WebLady]

Usually my DH is pretty good about getting stuff done and being on time ... if he doesn't do something when I think he should, then I just tell him I am gonna do it myself and he may not like what I do ;)

As far as wedding stuff, men just don't get it and I don't think they ever will :bbrolleyes:

Good luck ladies! :D