We insulted someone with the invites

[harleybride]

When we sent out our invites we were told a family friend was gettind divoriced and had moved out of his home he shared with his wife. When my fiance called to let him know we were inviting him and to get his address, he mentioned nothing about the divorice, so my fiance didnt ask. We sent the invite addressed to him and guest. All the RSVP were due yesterday and we didnt have his, when we called to ask him to send his invite we didnt get an answer. Well my FMIL happen to talk to this friends mom who is also invited and she told her that the friend that there not comming because he is back together with his wife and his wife was so angry that her name was not on the invite. My fiance tried to call and explain but he wont take his calls.

So my fiance is really hurt cause he wanted them to come. Were we wrong to address the invite like that? The wedding is in three weeks should we send a new invite with the wifes name on it to? Do you think that would make the situation worse?

They are out of state and we have always liked his wife but only talked to her when we went to visit. The friendship was with the friend. I just feel so bad.

[Rainbow Brite]

He and his wife are being extremely childish and petty. You did NOTHING wrong.

[NowAShelton]

i agree that they are being childish. my name wasnt on our last invitation but some people do it that way for some situations (like this one) to save hurt feelings and oh what do i call this person or how do i know they wanna bring that person, etc...plus they had to have known that yall werent clued into everything as it was happening! if you could i would just leave a lengthy voicemail explaining the situation and say that if they still dont wanna come that you are sorry they wont be there. and thats that. i wouldnt send another invite because if she is being this way over that, then who knows what she will say...

[Danielle9608]

I agree - I really don't see anything wrong with what you did. I'm sorry!

[mitch]

If you had already been told that he had moved out. Then you did Nothing Wrong. If anything, you did everything Right. Could you imagine the Invitation going out to Mr & Mrs and they HAD split up. What then?

Blimey, if you could read minds you would have your own TV show on Cable by now.

[harleybride]

Thanks. Its just hard. You can really tell how people really are when it comes to weddings. A lot of peoples true colors come out. My fiance is going to leave a message and we will see what happened. I was just worried we handled it wrong, or were rude. If they continue to be this way I do not want them at our wedding anyway

[gwenshack]

HE MOVED OUT! What were you supposed to do? I think that's really unfair to you two. Obviously you knew that they had split - why else would you have called to get his new address? This is such a can't win situation - you've been put in a corner because you did the right thing. They decided to get back together - great - but you went on the facts you had at the time. Sorry your crystal ball was in the shop. Geesh.

I would send another invitation I suppose. But on the other hand I would be irritated that I would have to waste another stamp for something so petty.

You didn't do anything wrong...just remember that. :)

[RosieAngel]

Unless part of wedding etiquette is being able to read people's minds, you did nothing wrong! :hug:

I hear you on the true colors of the crazies coming out where weddings are concerned. I'm always shocked at the stuff people try to pull!

Good luck with dealing with them!

[WebLady]

I probably would have still sent the invite to both of them since the info you got was sort of hearsay, and even if true at the time, they were not actually divorced and could have gotten back together (which apparently they did) before the wedding.

I am not sure what proper etiquette would suggest, but I'd assume that until they are legally divorced then you'd invite them both and let them tell you one of them is not coming.

However; them being upset about it to the point of not coming to the wedding and avoiding you guys is pretty childish if you ask me. I mean, if you are friends you are suppose to talk about things and try to work it out ... so don't feel too bad; it is not all your fault.

Maybe have your FH send them a letter with an apology and open invite; even if they don't come maybe it will save the friendship.

Good luck!

[bichonlvr]

2 less people you have to pay for!

I think next time something like this comes up maybe getting a confirmation from the actual people would be a god idea, but really who can know what goes on behind private doors!

[mtigercat]

2 less people you have to pay for!

I think next time something like this comes up maybe getting a confirmation from the actual people would be a god idea, but really who can know what goes on behind private doors!


And how many times can the situation change after the invites are sent out? I think you did the right thing. I would either leave a message on their machine explaining things or maybe do an overnight letter with the open invite if they would still like to come. That way the ball is in their court. If they don't come, then I guess they weren't that good of friends anyway. Especially to end a friendship over something so trivial as a name on an envelope. If that were the case I would be mad everyday when telemarketers call our house and ask for Mrs. Cox (there isn't one until next year). sounds silly. I honestly wouldn't lose sleep over it. They just won't be there for the best party of the year....But just remember the important people will be!!

[L.J.Aguirre]

that's sooooo stupid. they are so immature so maybe they don't deserve to be there at all.... and good luck with their rocky relationship. seems like they'll need all the luck they can get because two immature people together forever is hell on wheels!:snide:

[harleybride]

My fiance had tried to called them. He left one message and hes says thats all he is doing. He has calmed down and decided that he will not send another invitations. He explained in the message everything. He told him he and his wife are welcome to come if they would like, and that we would love to have them there. Thats all he feels he should do. I showed him this thread and he agrees they are being childish and he feels we now handled the situation correctly. Thank You.