marrying a family

[garnet]

Mike, my FH and I have families. What I mean is we are both single with our own kids to add to the mix. I want the day to be as important to our kids all 6......as it is to us. And I really want to drive home the idea that we are all becoming a family.

[Whitewater]

That is a very good goal, and you're right, it's important to include your children and help them to understand that your two families have become one. How old are your kids?


Whitewater

[garnet]

daughter, 9. son, 7, son 21 months. His kids, son, 7, son 5, daughter 4. I think his daughter will be our flower girl, my daughter will be my brides maid. The boys will be groomsmen. But I want something more. Neither he or I have the other parent involved in the childrens lives. His wife died 5 years ago (the daughter age 4 has a different mom) he has custody of the two boys, and I have custody of my 3 kids. My now ex husband abandoaned us in 2006. So it is our chance for love, our solemates and a loving parent to fill our kids lives.

I already planned on having my kids"give me away". But I really want to drive home the idea that we are a family. Forever.

[LovingLife]

a sand ceremony is always nice when you have kids.

[mitch]

I think it's a wonderful idea to include all the Children in the Wedding.
But you mentioned your Ex not being in their life. How about changing their Surname to your FH's after the Wedding. Then on Paper too you will be one big happy family.

Good Luck.

[scarymary48]

I had this same problem, and what I've decided to do is have my daughter come over when we sign the marriage certificate, to sign a 'family certificate' with us, declaring us a brand new family. We'll copy the basic design from the marriage one, and it'll say something about 'from this day on we (our names) are a family'. Well, it'll say something better than that, but I haven't thought of it yet :). She will be 8 when we get married, so I wanted something cute, but that still felt official to her. She's taking it very, very seriously, and has been designing new signatures since I told her.
Hope that helps, or at least inspires you to think of something that fits your family!

[garnet]

We hope Mike will be able to adopt my kids once the wedding is over and everything settles down. Right now the kids are upset because they just learned their dad has moved out of state. He sent them a "dear John " letter from Delaware.

[kgvettegirl]

What about if you got each of the children a heart necklace. Engrave their names on one side with the date. On the other side put something like ... We are a family. You present his children with theirs and he gives your children theirs. Make it part of the ceremony. Say someting like the most important part of the family is it's heart.

[garnet]

I am not sure the 4 boys of this mix woudl like a heart shaped necklace....or any necklace.

[kgvettegirl]

I am not sure the 4 boys of this mix woudl like a heart shaped necklace....or any necklace.
They might not like it but I bet that deep down even if they never wore them again they would keep them for the rest of their lives.

Why don't you ask the older ones what they would like to do. Kids are creative they might come up with something that would be great.

[firespirit]

We hope Mike will be able to adopt my kids once the wedding is over and everything settles down. Right now the kids are upset because they just learned their dad has moved out of state. He sent them a "dear John " letter from Delaware.

Is their dad going to legally and officially sign his rights away? Your FH will not be able to adopt them unless their father does that whether or not the two of you are married.

ETA: This has to be taken VERY seriously, this means he is signing somethign that basically says he has no legal right to be in their life anymore. He also would not support them anymore, so you could not ask for child support, since he is basically signing something that says he's not their dad.

[garnet]

I don't care about not recieving support anymore. My kids have seen more of their dads back than they have anything else. He's left them 2 x in the last 2 years and not had the guts to tell them until after it was finished.

[ger]

Could you do something like "vows" to each set of kids....like your FH says vows to your kids and you say vows to his.

I also think you could do something with the heart idea...maybe not necklaces...but something for their nightstand...or locker...or whatever. Just some thoughts!

[rainbowtreat]

I have 2 kids and my husband had none. At the time we were marreid they were 4 and 6. A boy and a girl. We did a sand ceremony. Not only did we have each 4 of us have a different color of sand to pour but the notary who married us made mention about how important it is that the children are a big part of this family. I will see if I can find the ceremony some where and see what exactly she said. It fit realy well. My daughter was my Jr. Bride and my son the Jr. Groom. They came down the aisle just before I did and were annouced at the reception just before my husband and I. I did have a flower girl and a ring bearer, my neice and nephew. I wanted more then just that for my kids. My daughters dress was same colors as mine and my sons vest matched my husbands and he wore cowboy boots just like him too. We also did a dance with the kids instead of the bridal party dance. My son was alseep but I danced with him any way.

here are my wedding pictures, take a look at the sand ceremony and the dances, I hope you get something very special figured out, it means alot in the end

http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=3424

[Brian's Bride]

Instead of a heart-shaped necklace, there is a family-medallion ceremony. More boy-ish than a heart but still has the same meaning. I have a 10 year-old son who gave me away (with my dad) and we also did a sand ceremony. You could tell her was excited to take part in our ceremony making us a family. He had this goofy grin on his face the whole time!