The problem with getting married "late"

[Rainbow Brite]

By the time I met DH, I was 27 years old and honestly believed I'd never get married. I figured even if I met someone great, it'd take 2-3 years to get engaged, another year to get married, add some time to that for "hubby and wife" time before having kids and I would've been too old to have them.

Luckily, that didn't happen. DH fell in love with me just as fast as I fell in love with him and didn't feel the need to wait. Less than a year later, we were married. But now I'm 28 and I see the clock ticking. I want so bad to have some non-baby time together, but logically speaking we can't wait very long. So we've decided to wait a year to start trying.

Some days I feel so horrid though. Even though DH is just as excited about the prospect as I am, I feel like I'm rushing him into it and rushing through our "us time." He's only 24, so has all the time in the world biologically speaking. He's also at the beginning of his career and ideally would like some time to figure out where he wants to go with it before settling in one place, etc.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice...just wanted to vent. Why couldn't I have met him years ago? :(

[saltyveruca]

28 is not old!! My sister in law got married in her early thirties and had her gorgeous baby when she was 36. Heck, there are women giving birth in their sixties!

I know that having kids at an "advanced" age isn't ideal for everyone...but if it's important to you to have your own time before becoming parents, don't stress out about your biological clock just yet.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I'm not necessarily looking for advice...just wanted to vent. Why couldn't I have met him years ago? :(

It was fate, it was serendipity, it was karma, it was in the stars or it was part of God's plan :) No matter how you look at it, you can't change it so there is no point in beating yourself up over "woulda", "shoulda", "couldas".

Sometimes I wish that I hadn't said NO to DH when he first asked me to go steady in 1978. Does this mean that we would have gone on to marry and have a family together? Maybe, maybe not.

Soemtimes I wish that when we did get together 23 years later, that we tried to have a child together. Does this mean that we could have conceived or that the circumstances were right? Maybe --- definately not. Whenever I start thinking of the "woulda", "shoulda", "couldas", I remind myself that I love my life with DH and I am happy to be where I am, with him, wherever that may be.

Note: Both my kids and DH's kids are all but grown (we started young :)) but many of my friends had their babies in their mid 30's and early 40's. Some were "surprises", some not. You just never know what life has in store for you.

[Rainbow Brite]

Sorry, should've also mentioned that I have PCOS which could make it more difficult for me than a typical woman. That's the main reason I can't put it off. Plus, we want to have two with some years in between them. *sigh*

I'm always happy to hear of mid-to-late 30 somethings having kids though! Gives me a bit more hope :)

[acidcookie]

My mom had me when she was 40, maybe that can inspire you. Granted I was not her first child, but it shows that you are not quite as rushed as we are made to believe. You are not even 30 yet! I'll be 26 when I get married and I feel really young still. FH is 32 and we'll both just be starting our careers when I'm 27 so I understand that part of it.

[uptowngirl]

I feel your pain! I am going to be two months shy of 30 when we get married and have been trying to figure out the whole "us time" and the "I don't want to be an old fuddy-duddy mom" thing. I don't have it figured out, but I can sympathize with the problem!

[SerendipityCrafts]

"I don't want to be an old fuddy-duddy mom"

Pffffffffffffffffft fuddy duddy is a state of mind - it has nothing to do with age :) If you met my cool aunt Lu, you would understand.

I hate to tell you this but regardless of how young or old you are, there is a certain point in a kid's life when he discovers that his parents are NOT cool. This normally happens just before he discovers that he knows everything and his parents know NOTHING!

I was one of the younger Mom's amongst my kids group of friends and even if their friends thought I was ok, they didn't LOL I felt the same about my mom for a time too :)

[acidcookie]

Pffffffffffffffffft fuddy duddy is a state of mind - it has nothing to do with age :) If you met my cool aunt Lu, you would understand.

I hate to tell you this but regardless of how young or old you are, there is a certain point in a kid's life when he discovers that his parents are NOT cool. This normally happens just before he discovers that he knows everything and his parents know NOTHING!

I was one of the younger Mom's amongst my kids group of friends and even if their friends thought I was ok, they didn't LOL I felt the same about my mom for a time too :)

I totally agree! I am not a mom yet, but having had a mom who was 58 by the time I graduated high school I never thought she was "old." Mom is mom and if you're a "fuddy duddy" mom it's not because you have 5 more years on the mom next door.

And yes, by the time we're 12 we all know better than our parents right?

[Ninedays9]

I know the feeling you've got, sort of. I always thought I'd be getting married at like 22 and having kids in the next year or two. I'll be getting married when I'm 25, and will have kids at 26 or later.

In my case, though, I actually did meet my fiance well before we started dating (2 and a half years) but I was still getting over my ex... met someone else... then finally realized that I cared more about my now fiance than I did about any of the other guys I'd ever been interested in. But I still think it was meant to work out that way 'cause when we stared dating we already knew so much about each other.

Like everyone else said, your age isn't that big of a deal, and it was meant to work out the day it did. :)

[rainbowtreat]

My husband and I lived about 16 hours apart. I have 2 kids from my first marriage. So we never had just us time any way. Only once their dad started taking them on weekends. We only really knew each other once he moved up here. He was here a year and a half before we were married. By our one year annv. I was over 8 months pregnant. He was 28 and I was 30 when we got married. Seeing we already had 2 there was never a question as to when we would start trying. We actualy started trying a couple of months before the wedding. Having a baby doesn't realy take that much from you and him time. Yes a baby takes up your time but the baby gets bigger, sleeps through the night at some point lol, and get a little more indapendent. Your time together is a little different but you enjoy it even more. Even with my first marriage we didn't wait long. She was born 4 days shy of our 9 month annv. We lived together for about 2 or 3 years I think and were together since I was in high school. So I think we mainly got married just to start a family lol.

What ever you choose is right for you I am sure it will work out just fine. Every one is different and has that right. Just don't stress over it. It will happen when it is right for you both.

[MrsDM]

Don't be silly! You can have kids whenever you are ready. Look at all the celebs out there that have kids in their 40's/50's. In fact..my boss and I were just talking about this. She is an attorney and she had her first kid when she was 32. Another secretary here had her first kid when she was 43 (due to complications) and another attorney had her first kid when she was almost 50. Do it when you are ready.

[TangoWedding]

Yup. My best friend just had her first baby at 35....and she wouldn't have been ready any time before that.

We just got married and are 31 and 32 years old...and for SURE want to have 'our time' before we start thinking about kids. We're going to wait at least another couple of years before we even talk about it.

I certainly don't wish I'd have met him sooner, though. I would haven't been in the same place as I was when I did meet him - ready for this relationship. I believe it all happens right when it's supposed to.

:grinhappy:

[eponabri]

I was 28 when we were married (DH was 26), and we had our first child when I was 30 and second one at age 33.

You're not too old. Women are having babies well into their 40's now. We are healthier now and health care is better.

You are only too old if you think you are. My grandmother had my mother when she 42 and that was almost 80 years ago.

Cindi


By the time I met DH, I was 27 years old and honestly believed I'd never get married. I figured even if I met someone great, it'd take 2-3 years to get engaged, another year to get married, add some time to that for "hubby and wife" time before having kids and I would've been too old to have them.

Luckily, that didn't happen. DH fell in love with me just as fast as I fell in love with him and didn't feel the need to wait. Less than a year later, we were married. But now I'm 28 and I see the clock ticking. I want so bad to have some non-baby time together, but logically speaking we can't wait very long. So we've decided to wait a year to start trying.

Some days I feel so horrid though. Even though DH is just as excited about the prospect as I am, I feel like I'm rushing him into it and rushing through our "us time." He's only 24, so has all the time in the world biologically speaking. He's also at the beginning of his career and ideally would like some time to figure out where he wants to go with it before settling in one place, etc.

I'm not necessarily looking for advice...just wanted to vent. Why couldn't I have met him years ago? :(

[eponabri]

Just to give you more hope. I have a good friend who has PCOS and was told she would never have children (I was told the same thing), and she gave birth to her second child a year ago, at age 36.



Sorry, should've also mentioned that I have PCOS which could make it more difficult for me than a typical woman. That's the main reason I can't put it off. Plus, we want to have two with some years in between them. *sigh*

I'm always happy to hear of mid-to-late 30 somethings having kids though! Gives me a bit more hope :)

[tootsie]

My MIL had my husband at 39. She said it was so much easier raising at kid at that age (she had three kids in her early 20s). I think it really doesn't matter when you have kids, just as long as you're ready. I'm 27 and hubby's 26. We are definitely not ready. We like being alone, but I think one day that will change, just don't know when.