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View Full Version : On again-off again groomsman...


Cilantro
07-15-2008, 10:36 AM
My DH is sulking around the house over this situation and I'm at a loss for words. Maybe I'm just too in touch with reality to comprehend it.. I figured that this would be a lovely place to ask opinions on this matter.

About a year ago one of DH's friends from high school got engaged. The girl seemed nice enough. We were happy for them even though none of their closest friends were supportive of the union. It was a very short courtship and they've been planning away like busy beavers. The friend even asked my DH to be his best man.

Fast forward 6 months. This guy has a switch up in the bridal party and "fires" my DH. Not for any real reason, DH didn't do anything to offend groomy.. He just changed his mind. That's fine, whatever, no skin off my nose, right?

Well, last week he calls my DH begging him to be a groomsman. One of the GM flaked out on him and didn't have the money to pay for the rental..

The friend (we'll call him E) knows that we have small children, knows that since I'm a SAHM that our finances are tight, knows that we have to plan well in advance when we have to spend much money.

For DH it's a no brainer. He wants to help his friend, of course, but at the same time E and his FI chose rentals for the groomsmen that are $200!!!!! No wonder the other guy flaked.

We cannot afford the gas to go to the wedding (it's about 80 miles away), a gift, and a rental for a tux. This rental will be nicer than what DH will be wearing to our own ceremony. Also, it's not the area we live. You can get a perfectly decent tux rental for $50+ in this part of the country. I mean, it's great if the groom wants to wear a designer tux, it's his wedding after all... But to spring this on someone who you know isn't really able to afford things like this is kind of inconsiderate IMO.

If he hadn't changed his mind DH would have gone in for measurements months ago and we would have set aside money for this. Now he's guilt tripping my DH and I get the impression that the FI is beyond bridezilla.. She's like the Bridestappo.

That's the situation, anyway.. DH told the guy that he can't really afford it. I mean, seriosuly. I need new nursing bras like no one's business and haven't gotten any in a couple YEARS.. If I can't even buy a bra for lack of budgetary means there is no way in heck that I'm going to be alright with a $200 tux rental that will be worn for a few hours..

I feel better now. Thanks for letting me vent! :grinhappy:

mitch
07-15-2008, 11:02 AM
Sorry to hear your FH has been mucked about like this.

As for the Rental of the Tux can't "E" pay for it? After all is said and done, it is E who keeps changing his mind like the rest of us change our socks.
As you say, you can't really afford to go to this Wedding. You obviously have a young Family to think about.

If E really wanted you there, then first of all he wouldn't have changed his mind in the beginning. And secondly he would meet you half way on the finances.

I'm helping some of my guests out with accomodation etc by booking them into the Hotel i work in. Using my Discount Card to help keep costs down.
When i was growing up we were taught to help Friends out.

Good Luck.

brendalin
07-15-2008, 11:28 AM
It is great that your fh wants to help out his friend even though he $hit on him. I would expalin to them the situation and let them know that they will not be recieving a gift because of the short notice and all the other expenses involved and see if they can help you in some other way.

Your FH is a very forgiving person, I would have been very upset and possibly would have told them to shove it up their @$$.

RosieAngel
07-15-2008, 12:19 PM
$200 for a tux rental?! :bbeek: We're having a casual wedding with no tuxes, so I don't know if that's reasonable or not... but it seems pretty ridiculous to me!

Anyways, I agree with brendalin - if your FH wants to be a GM that badly after all this @sshole has done to your FH, don't buy a gift for the wedding - and tell them why!

Is there a reason why FH wants to be a GM that badly?

Cilantro
07-15-2008, 01:35 PM
Okay, good to know that I'm not crazy! ;)

DH has known this guy for 13 years, he's a super nice guy. We are going either way.. I'm just not sure that E can afford it either. I mean, I get the impression that the FI has to have the platinum wedding (or as close as they can get to it, anyway) in order to be happy. E isn't the kind of guy who needs designer tuxes.. I know that it's his FI.

I'll write more later. Gotta run!