Long distance invites

[caligal85]

My FH and I are getting married in our hometown in Michigan. The problem is, for the past five years, I've been living in California, going to school. This is a distance of about 3,000 miles. My whole life has pretty much been here non-stop for five years. All my close friends are here. My parents are also here but will be moving back there. My whole family is pretty much back east and his ENTIRE family is there, as well as all his friends. It's the most strategic place for us. The thing is, my friends are all poor college students and, with the exception of the girls I'm hoping to have in my bridal party, won't be able to afford the trip. Is inviting them rude, since I know they won't be able to make it? I don't expect any of them to come, I just want them to know that I was thinking of them.

[lisa826]

i don't think it's rude to invite them. You could always explain things to them. You never know more ppl than you thought might end up being able to make it. And if all else fails you could always have a second reception when you get back to cali to celebrate with all the ppl who didn't make it to the actual wedding. My entire family lives in Ohio and i'm in TN and it's hard enough for me as it is and that's only about 425 miles so i can only imagine what 3000 would be like.

[aspasia475]

My FH and I are getting married in our hometown in Michigan. The problem is, for the past five years, I've been living in California, going to school. This is a distance of about 3,000 miles. My whole life has pretty much been here non-stop for five years. All my close friends are here. My parents are also here but will be moving back there. My whole family is pretty much back east and his ENTIRE family is there, as well as all his friends. It's the most strategic place for us. The thing is, my friends are all poor college students and, with the exception of the girls I'm hoping to have in my bridal party, won't be able to afford the trip. Is inviting them rude, since I know they won't be able to make it? I don't expect any of them to come, I just want them to know that I was thinking of them.
Inviting people to something is never rude. You are extending the OFFER of hospitality: it isn't an obligation.

The problem though is that formal wedding invitations, with their third person wording, are really very cold. People use them nowadays for every manner of wedding, even beach weddings with barbecue receptions. The old pattern of informal hand-written invitations in natural language is more suitable for this situation. When you write ...

"Dear Phyllis,
Mark and I are getting married on June 31 in Yankee, Michigan. I know that's a long way to travel, but we would love to have you at the wedding if you were able to make it. If you can't come, we understand of course and wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. Let me know whether you can come!

Love,
Caligal"

... then you have a lot more freedom to the sincerity of your offer and your understanding for their situation. If you are committed to the idea of formal third-person invitations you still could, of course, always include a note like this in the ones you send to your college friends. I don't generally approve of invitation enclosures, but a personal hand-written note to express sincere good-will might just be the one appropriate exception.

[caligal85]

And if all else fails you could always have a second reception when you get back to cali to celebrate with all the ppl who didn't make it to the actual wedding.

See I thought about this but I'm not returning to Cali after we're married. I might have to for a little while to finish a class, but the two of us won't be here together.

I just don't want my friends to see it as an obligation to send a present or anything. I'm sure they won't but I just want to cover all my bases because they've been such good friends through everything and I'd hate for them to feel used.

[mitch]

"Dear Phyllis,
Mark and I are getting married on June 31 in Yankee, Michigan. I know that's a long way to travel, but we would love to have you at the wedding if you were able to make it. If you can't come, we understand of course and wanted you to know that I'm thinking of you. Let me know whether you can come!

Love,
Caligal"



I think that's a great idea to put a personal note in with the Invitation. Makes it more meaningful for the long distant Friend or Relative. And that way they know they are special and not just an invite shoved in the post.

You can make mine out to Mitch and Shmoo. :rofl:

Because we live 4,000+ miles away, i'm afraid we can't make it. But we hope you have a wonderful day. :winktongue: