OK my turn to vent!

[rainbowtreat]

I have mentioned about the BM I have that has not bothered to he around at all or call or be any part of what has been going on. Well to the the truth I was never happy about her gettign pregnant by my ex boyfriend. I mean I dont care about him at all. He has been a pain I wish I oculd forget about.

I have called and left messages at her moms place where she is living. But got no calls back. She does not have a computer so shemust have been at her sisters or something to send this to me but this was what she wrote. ( sorry this vent may be a bit long )

Dear Gwen,
I had a dream about you last night and it made me think about alot of things, Like what happened to us......You were my best friend yet every time we talked it was about how my decision about Scott and the baby were the wrong ones or you were angry for me not calling you when you didn't call me either. I am starting to get my life back on track, I have a good job, the kids are doing well and while the house gets smaller every day we are doing pretty well being with my mom.
There are so many things i want to say to you but we dont' talk any more and when we do or did, you were always mad at me. I dont' really know what to say to you sorry isn't good enough even though i am hurt to, you haven't made any effort to contact me and you drive by my house every day i see you all the time your wedding is soon i am sure you are getting stressed about that! I know i was when i had 2 months left. That is not something i wanted to miss, its supposed to be the happiest day of your life and when you have no one to share it with it seems less important. I really wanted you there when this baby was born I have 5 weeeks to go if i make it that long!!
Anyway, I just thought i would drop you a note and let you know we are still alive and doing pretty good, I hope You and Nicholas are doing good and the kids we still love you guys even though we never talk, We all miss you and wish you the best, If you ever need anything you know where to find me
I love you Gwen, You were my leaning post when things got tough on me and you always knew what to say I miss that about you I really wish things would go back to the way they were when we were good friends.
I hope you are doing well and Good luck in June if we don't talk again.
I am really sorry for the way things are between us, i will be home if you want to talk.

Chantalle

OK as I have said I HAVE called her and always got her answerign machine. Yes I drive my ber house every day but I have to go that way to avoid the contructionon the brindge, and I am rushign to pick up my daughter before 6 pm. I dont have time to stop. I am not going over to her moms house to visit, it is a crazy house and I cant stand to be there. I have told her once I will not leave a message becasue she never calls back. But I have left messages. I am not happy that about the situation she is in. I have tried to help and anythign I said was never good enough. She never even reasoned with anythign I had to say. So I stopped tryign to help. I dont want to hear about my ex. He is out of my life. I dont care what goes on with him.

I have been plannign this wedding from day one ALONE. Nicholas has not even bothered to help all that much. When I said that to him he said he had said a couple of things but I didnt want to go with them. I asked what he told me and he said somethign about the money. I told him you just keep tellign me every thign will be fine. If he could put on paper where the money is comign from and how everythign will be ok then I might be less stressed. Speakign of Nicholas he calls from work tonight to say hi and see what we are up to. I told him I got this e-mail from Chantalle. He asked what she said, so I told him and I bitched for a few mins about it. Then he says how did you like the size of that check. I said I though tyou siad your bonus check was gonna be about $500 he said after taxes I got about $200 out of $300 but next quater is lookign better. I said yes but next quater is AFTER our wedding. He told me not to go there. He said somethign about gettign through the night and then havign to ocm eohome to deal with me. I said fine dont come home and deal with me then. He said he didnt want to hear me bitching about Chantalle, well he asked so I told him. I got so mad I said I love you but I will let you get back to work. He says Thanks. WellI am fed up. I can't do this alone. I dont even feel like getting these invties done up. But I have to. He tells me to not think about the wedding for a day. Well if some oen would help a little then I wouldnt have to. Then my mom calls to ask about the tux for my brother. I had to tell her Nicholas has not decided what he wants. First he said a suit then he said a tux now he is talking about a suite again. My mom and step mom are working on the addresses for me. Thank the lord for that.

I just want this to all be over with. Now about my freind. I so want to tell her everythign but then again I dont want to bother. I feel like cring my eyes out right about now. What do I do?

Sorry for the long winded vent. There is so much more, I could go on and on but o one wants to read about this for hours lol. I thin I might call her and tell her I am not in te mood for this. If she was the freidn she claims to be she would have been here regardless and helping me all the way and she never would have slept with my ex, to me that is just somethign friends dont do. Rather it was me breaking it off or not. It is just wrong in my book. I dont want to be ther when that baby is born. For one it is HIS baby , i dont want any part of that and for 2 she is not even keeping it. After all the help I have tried to give her does she expect me to be ther eto help her through givign the baby away? And now I am gonn ahave to move abotu a month before my wedding. I hate my job but yet cant seem to find a new one. OK I am done. If you dared to read this LONG thing ty and I am sorry. I just had to put it down some where and get it off my chest. Not that it has helped a whole lot at this point. I am still confused and stressed.

[WhiskeyGirl]

Hun I am sorry you have to deal with this!! Its such ****!! I don't blame you for being Pissed at your friend! My (ex) friend was all buddy buddy with my ex boyfriend and I cut her off! I told her, "you know what he put me through and here you are going camping with him! Well **** you then!!" That was a year and a half ago! Then I heard she was telling our mutual friends that she was going to bring my ex as her date if she got an invite to our wedding, she sure as hell did not get an invite! Ok enough about me! Maybe this is an avenue for you to make your life better and get her out of your life!! She sounds like a toxic friend to me (sorry if I am assuming too much, I don't know much about you or her, I am only commenting on what I read! and yes, I read it ALL!!) and people don't need toxic people in their lives!! Its horriable that she has created such chaos in her life, but why should you have to be a part of it?? You shouldn't!! You didn't make her sleep with your ex, or get divorced or anything else that's been bad in her life!! Some times you need to cut toxic people out of your life...maybe thats the step you MAY want to take!! Again I'm sorry you are in this mess, take care!! and we're all here for you Sweetie!!

[usahgrad]

I have to agree with Shawna. Your friend crossed a line and when friends do that, then it gives you a moment to step back and reevaluate. From what I read (I read all of it too) I think you have reevaluated enough to know that your relationship with her is only hurting you.

As far as the wedding planning alone goes, I am right there with you! I understand how annoyed you are that trying to get anybody to do anything to help is like trying to pull eye teeth. I just talk about wedding plans and I get cut off because people don't want to even listen to me, much less help (aside from a limited few). If I were close enough, I'd be right there with a pen in hand to help you with your invitations...or anything else you might need. Your wedding is going to be really beautiful and your marriage is going to be even more beautiful (even if it doesn't seem like it at some points). I know it's hard to do, but I have to agree that a day off from wedding would probably be good for you...maybe not a whole day...maybe an evening just to sit down with the kids and Nicholas and watch a movie or something else relaxing. Take a breather. We all have to now and then. You're doing great!

I know the financial part of it all can be difficult. We're stretching our budget and we don't have kids! Take a deep breath. I know you have already, but keep your eye out for sales and discounts and whatever else you can find (Walmart has a great craft/wedding section, although I hate to say it). Good luck Gwen and my thoughts are with you...long distance hug to help you through your trouble times! :)

[CindySue]

WHy do people debilerately have to mess with us right before our weddings?

[CindySue]

Im with ya too Gwen. Brian has not really been much help lately. I try to ask him questions, and he just shrugs me off or changes the subject. Here recently I went a whole week without talking wedding at home (now I got a lot done while I was at work), and I aske him a question....he wanted to know why I have to talk about the wedding ALL the time. I was like WTF?
I agree with you though...Friends do NOT sleep with friends exs.
Oh.....check this out....My friend was like yours....supposed to be helping but wasnt. Anyway I talked to her a couple of days ago and she was telling me that this would be good for the wedding, and that would be good for the wedding. When I told her I had everything planned and situated she acted like it hurt her feelings that I didnt wait around on her. HELLO???? Did she really think I was going to wait up until 6 weeks before to start working on this thing?
Gwen......forgt the drama...you dont need it in your life. You have kids...you have plenty of drama already!

[Jenn060306]

I'm sorry that she's dumped on you so close to the wedding. I have to agree she really doesen't sound like that great of a friend. I sometimes think that people forget that freindship and communication has to go both ways. Nobody can ***** and complain that you arn't calling, writing, or dropping in enough when they hardly do it themselves. Plus sleeping with an ex really does cross the line! You just don't do that to soemone you care about.
Anyways.... just ignore her. You really have bigger things to be thinking about right now.
As for the wedding and Nicholas not helping as much as you need him to. Make some time for just you two after the kids have gone to bed to talk about how you are feeling. Let him know that you need some extra help from him. If you have a good conversation about where everything is at, what needs to be done and how he can help hopefully it will help.
Also.... try to get out and do somthing just the two of you. Maybe get a sitter so you both can go for dinner out and enjoy eachothers company.
Good luck! I'm sorry things are so crazy for you right now! Let us know if we can help in any way.

[rainbowtreat]

Thank you all for every thign you have said. I have decided to write my so called friend a letter. I wrote it as I was mad about the e-mail she wrote me. There is alot that has gone on that I have set on the back burner and have forgotten about. I have to give you an example.....

There was a time that one other friend of mine who is also in my wedding was just casual friends with my ex. No big deal. But he started talking about of **** to her and to another girl that I worked with. Saying that Chanatalle ( the friend in question here ) had told him that Nihcolas was not happy here and was sorry he ever moved here. These are real freinds of mine and told me what she was supposedly saying about me and Nicholas. Come to find out my ex was the one who started it al and the other girls were believeing that Chantalle had said it all. After I confronted both Chantalle and my ex at the same time I got it cleared up and told him to never speak about me again. He has no reason to be doing any of this. I told him I am not in high school and the drama has to stop. What did she do after all this? She was still hanging with him and having "casual" sex with him. And then ended up pregnant. My other friend told him not to call her not to try to see her she wanted nothing to do with him for the **** he pulled. The guy is jealous of my life and cant let go of the past. And he is pulling Chantalle in with him. I told her in the letter ( kinda long winded but I was so mad ) all the things she did that a normal friend would not do to their so called best friend. I just casual set them aside and went on about my business like it didnt matter. I also told her a few other things and that if she wanted to talk about all this not to write me or e-mail and not to JUST drop by as I will not drop evrything in my crazy busy life to deal with this bull **** with her and not around my kids. I told her it is up to her if she wants to call and see when a good time is to talk. This may seem selfish as I am writing to her but if I tried to talk to herin person I would have forgotten all I wanted to say or she would have gotten mad and walked away before I was finished. She had to know where I was coming and this way she got a response from me. It is now up to her to think about it all and not cause me any more drama. I told her I will not do it any more. I will not be ther ewith her when she has his baby just to hand it over to some one else. I have nothing against adoption at all. I thin kit is the best thing in the world. They should make it a little easier for people to adopt. But to me for this situation she is taking the easy way out. I know the kid will be better off in the long run. But this baby has 3 brothers and a sister it will never know. The guy has not told his family at all. They will never know about the ordeal I am sure. And the stress he caused her in the beginnign about telling her to abored the baby put her in the hospital and she almsot lost it. I was ther though it all and she still has the nerve to act the way she does. the only time she was was ever around was when she had no one else to hang out with or was bored or no one else would help her. Yeah we had our good times. But she is the only friend I have ever been on the outs with. The other are spread across the world and they have more time for me then she does. OK I am rambling on and on. I get on this and I cant stop she pisses me off so bad. SO I have not sent the letter yet but it is stamped and ready to go. I dont need this in my life. As Cindy said , I have kids, that is enough drama.

Thanks for listening guys. You are great and I just realy needed to get it all out. Once I mail the letter tomorrow I will feel a lot better.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I'm glad you have decided to tell her like it is!! I think its probably about time you popped her bubble!! Take care!!

[WebLady]

sorry about the drama with your so called friend :hug: maybe it is best to let her go on about her life.

As for your fight with Nicholas, I am sure it was stress related. I read in another post that you worked it out, so that is good. Wish you all the best with everything :D

[LaceyinPgh]

Welcome to the "Narcassistic Pain in the :censored: Leave You Stranded, Some Friends!" Bridesmaid club. It sucks here! Although I might not have a perfectly clean slate on the issue, friends don't hook up with exes, end of story. I'm sorry that things aren't going well. For some reason this ends up being such a stressful time. They say that planning a wedding is the most stressful time in your life. I don't know if I buy that, but I know there are days when it still ranks pretty high. I know that things will get better. If nothing else, the big day is almost here and then you can get your life back, right?

[rainbowtreat]

Yeah I can't wait to get my life back. all is coming togehter and I am getting excited about this whole thing again.

I decided to call this girl and let her kow how I felt. Ofcourse she wasn't home again. But I actualy got her mom this time and asked her to tell Chanatlle to giveme a call. She did about 5 hours later. I told her everything I put in the letter. I explained that I can't take the dram any more and that my ex was supposed to be out of my life but all she ever said was about him say thins or that. She asked why I never said anything. Just after I finished telling her I never did anything about it because of the so called freindship. She also told me she decided to keep the baby. She has about 4 weeks left. I would love to be there for her but I dont htink I can stand to see this guys baby. I just hate him more and more these days. She asked if we could get together to talk about all this. ( what is there to talk about, I just said all I had to and she just sat there and said she didnt know what to say ) I told her she would have to call me to see if I am busy because I will not talk with her about this all in front of my kids.

I must add that while she was responsible for picking up my daughter from shcool or day care for just a short time of a month or so she forgot her twice. Once because she just forgot and naother because her and her now es husband had a huge fight. when I walked in and asked where Jessa was she just simply said she forgot to get here. Daycare had been closed for 30 mins. by now. It took a long time and I amost did not speak to her again. But stupid me did. This is my daughter. She doesnt care who was supposed to pick her up she looked at me when I got there and asked why I forgot her. You dont do this ****.

So if and that is a BIG IF we remain friends she is going to understand that there is no way I will ever let somethign go again. Shes pulls another thing I am gone. I will deal with my daughter asking for her daughter. They are 6 months apart and have been frinds since birth.
I dont know where I stand with her. Life has been just fine without her in it. But again I am the kind of person who wants to help and be there. But I guess I have to htink of myself and my family for once. Some one just shoot me now please. AARRGG!!!! The hard thign is should I just say sorry your not inthe wedding or should I let thigns go and see how we work out. I mean she is going to have another kid ( she has 4 already ) and she has not been fitted to have a dress made yet. She will have a month and that is it. I give up.