To the makers of feminine hygiene products, a rant....

[neebelung]

Sometimes I just don't know what the marketing departments for the manufacturers of feminine hygiene products are thinking!!

1) To the makers of Always... WTF is up with all this "Have a happy period" sh*t? Seriously? HAPPY period? How about I'm happy once it's OVER... but during? I'm fine. Not unhappy, but also not happy about it... I'm just "there." Some days are better than others... but there's really nothing about my period itself that's inherently HAPPY, so lay down the crack pipe, people!!

and...

2) To the makers of Playtex 'sport' tampons.... What's with the "fortune tampons?" Who came up with the brilliant idea of putting little psuedo-motivational sayings on my tampons?? Who REALLY wants to pull one out of their purse, and take a moment to ponder things like "Keep going!", "Go for it!", "Get out there and show them what you've got!" or (my personal favorite) "Practice makes perfect!" (Um, hello, I'm 36... I don't think I need to practice my tampon usage skills)....

/end rant

[08chrissy08]

That happy period commercials have always killed me. I get really horrible cramps and generally have awful periods. When those commercials come on when I'm feeling that way, I could quite cheerfully punch somone in the face. Happy?! You want to see happy?! Jerks.

I've never seen the seen the sport tampons. I have to say I lol'd at the absurdity of it. Who the heck makes those things? Who decided adding inspirational comments to a tampon would be a good idea? Seriously. It's a tampon. I couldn't care less what it says on it so long as it does it's job.

[neebelung]

Exactly!!!! lol...

A friend of mine (upon hearing my rant) shared this with me; I cracked up, but I also felt better that I'm not the only one who finds this sorta thing so ridiculous!!

-------------------------------------------

'Have a Happy Period'
This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best webmail-award-winning letter....


Dear Mr. Thatcher,

I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dri-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.

Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from th e curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?

As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior . You surely reali ze it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Kayla fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey 's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps. Crazy!

The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'

Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness -- actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere And though I will certainly miss your Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bullsh*t. And that's a promise I will keep. Always....

Best,
Wendi Aarons
Austin , TX


This specific line killed me... lol.... "The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants... "

[alli816]

Wow, how true was this information......I totally was agreeing with the woman.....the sayings have to be made up by men......

[Ohio888Bride]

This post is just in time, because I am NOT having a happy period today. I got it about 2 hours ago and immediately looked about 4 months along and felt like someone stabbed me in the tummy and sloooooooowwwwwwwwwllllllyyyyyyyy turned the knife around inside me.

I was on my way to the grocery store when all of this loveliness happened, so I had to make myself "comfy" before leaving home by taking a painkiller. I must admit that it worked, but my attitude changed when I was on my way out of the store. You see, it began raining animals from the sky right while I was shopping, so I just had to unload TWO full grocery carts of food into the back of the van and got soaking wet in the process. I couldn't wait around to see if the sky was gonna clear, because I was rushing home for a 2 PM conference call. All the while I was thinking about how I was going to have to leave my groceries in the car for about 30 minutes and attend my meeting with my hair, clothes, and shoes dripping rain onto the carpet in my office.

Well, I arrived home with ONE minute to spare only to find out that the meeting begins at 3.

Don't get me started on how much food costs these days! That will have to be another thread I guess.

I had a feeling it was going to be one of those days when I woke up this morning.

When I get off work, I'm going to sleep. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day with a happier period. LOL!

[byrd813]

that letter............is off the chain.........:notsure:

[WBandMe]

That letter is hilarious, and I LOVE the "Always..." at the end! I know what you mean though. What about all the commercials where pads and tampons are like, dancing around with all these happy girls dancing around with them? I don't want a tampon that's doing a conga line inside me, and until they come packaged about $5 less and stuffed with a 1lb chocolate bar, I won't even consider the possibility of a "happy" period.

[neebelung]

...and until they come packaged about $5 less and stuff with a 1lb chocolate bar, I won't even consider the possibility of a "happy" period.

LMAO!!!!!:rofl:

[brendalin]

until they come packaged about $5 less and stuffed with a 1lb chocolate bar, I won't even consider the possibility of a "happy" period.
LOL!!! Amen to that!!!

[Jenna5366]

until they come packaged about $5 less and stuffed with a 1lb chocolate bar, I won't even consider the possibility of a "happy" period.

:rofl: OMG I think Pepsi just came out my nose.

[Ninedays9]

These are good complaints. That letter was actually just posted in the fun and games board. It is great.

Sometimes there are happy periods... like ones where you aren't sure if it's going to come.... if you know what I mean...haha.

[Cilantro]

I was just coming to post the letter! :laugh:
http://wendi-aarons.blogspot.com/2007/03/as-seen-on-mcsweeneysnet.html