Abusive FHs?

[andrealovesdale]

I'm in some serious need of help!! I love this guy, but... anyone out there want to be a shrink for a minute?

[WebLady]

Well I am not shrink but I have been in and seen people in abusive relationships before.

I don't know anything about your situation but here is what I would do ... If your FH is mentally and/or emotionally abusive (calling you names, yelling, etc) I think you need to postpone the wedding and seek counseling and see if you can work it out before you go any further. If he is physically abusive (if he has ever laid a hand on you (or threatened to) in any way) LEAVE HIM.

Welcome to the boards and best of luck to you!

[LizabethDavis]

Strongly agree with WebLady. Sometimes the mental/emotional abuse can be worked out and all you need to do is postpone the wedding. However, if he is physically abusing you, you need to LEAVE.

Best of luck to you!

[Shawna Bride]

You should never put up with abuse, whether it's physical, emotional or mental... even if it's just once and a while. Once and a while turns into more often, and you don't want to go there.
Be careful.

[LaceyinPgh]

I love cheesecake but that doesn't mean that it is good for me or I need to subject myself to it on a regular basis. Do you see what I am getting at? Just because you love him doesn't mean anything if he mistreats you. Mental, emotional, and physical abuse are all mistreatment. They are his way of dominating the situation. If he did it once, he will do it again. Get your things together and get out. You can say you love him til hell freezes over but that doesn't mean the feelings are returned. If he is abusing you he doesn't love you. He might say it when he is apologizing for his action. But saying things and meaning them are different things. No creature on earth, man or animal deserves to be mentally, physically, or emotionally abused in any way. RUN!

[Kacie_bride]

Sweetie you need to get away NOW! There is no reason to put yourself through this and it is just a cycle. It will not stop no matter how much you love him. Love yourself more and leave. There is someone else out there for you that would never to do this.

[MOB Karen]

Honey, I have been around the block several times and I'm telling you that he ain't going to change. You are the one that needs to make the change, before you make a huge mistake. Whatever you decide, I wish you the best of luck!!

[MOB Karen]

Andrea, I know you love him, but you have to love yourself more. My ex-husband would punish my son instead of me because he knew that would hurt me worse than anything he could possibly do to me. That was the last straw; I took my kids, Malachi & Amber (ages 3 and 1), and got the hell out of there, and I have never looked back. I once apologized to Amber for not giving her a wonderful father (like I had). She said, "...but you gave me a wonderful mother." I raised her and her older brother all by myself (it was rough, but you do what you have to do to save your life and the lives of your children). Now my children are ages 26 and 24 respectively. Malachi has a little boy, Malachi Jr. who is the love of his grandma's life; and Amber has asked me to walk her down the aisle at her wedding in September. I am so very, very proud of them.

[BridalGown.NET]

I agree with MOB Karen. Run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. If he is abusive, he is not reciprocating your love. You deserve better.

[rainbowtreat]

As the others have said, if it is physical you need to leave. If it is emotional there may be hope. I have a friend who's husband watched her every move. Always had to know where she was at every second. He never trusted her to go any where. Even when she was with her mother and family he would call and yell at her to be home at a certain time. When she stayed with after having thier baby he would walk in and expect supper ready as soon as he was home. Wipe his finger along the tv stand and ask why it was so dusty. I remember stoppign by to get her to go to the end of the summer fire works when my daughter was just a baby ( she is almost 7 now ) and before she went any where she had to fix his dinner. And if she went for a bite off his plate he would slap her hand and tell her to get her own. She didnt want their marriage to end without trying to make it work. She refused to tell him she loved him untill she actualy felt that way again. She wasn't goign to just say it to say it. They went to get help. After a few times of going he said he was fine and they stopped. But he wasn't. It was all still there. Over time they have worked it out. She is much happier and they are expecting their second child. He is a much different person now. It took some time but she didn't just want to give up on him. Now they are fine and everything is good. He trusts her and she can do what she wants with no worries about what he is going to say or do. All is good but ot without some work. Now if he was beating her she would have been gone a long time ago. You have to evaluate what your heart and head are telling you. No one deserves any kind of abuse. NO ONE! Think hard and long about what is going on. Take some action NOW regardless of what kind of abuse it is. And good luck. You can do it. You may not think you can but you are stong enough. I never thought I was but my ex was controlling in a way neither of us realized it. Once I did wake up I tried then I got out. Still to this day I feel a bit intamated by him but I blow it off and go on with my life. I still have to see him for the sake of our children. But I have a guy who loves me the way I should be loved and they way any one deserves to be loved. I hope you make the right choice. All we can do is offer advice. You have to take the steps to make it happen.

[CindySue]

I have to agree, if your being hit - GET OUT! If its verbal, does he KNOW that hes hurting you? I mean sometimes its obvious, but there are instances where he thinks hes just playing and doesnt realize what hes doing.
Early in our relationship, Brian had said a few things (jokingly) that really hurt my feelings. He wasnt thinking and didnt know that I was overly sensitive about certain things. He was used to the way his parents pick on each other. He wasnt being mean, he just made comments that hurt my feelings. When I explained that it hurt my feelings, he apologized immediately and there has NEVER been another issue. I in turn have "loosened" up a little. I know that Brian does not try to hurt me. Agitate me? - Maybe. Drive me crazy? - Absolutely! But I had issues from my ex that I brought into our realtionship, and Brian helped me work through those. Brian also brought issues from his past that together we worked through.
I suggest talking to him, letting him know that his behavior is unacceptable and unless yall can figure out a way to work it out and get the behavior to stop, then youre gone. Because you do deserve better.
Good Luck!

[MOB Karen]

I'm in some serious need of help!! I love this guy, but... anyone out there want to be a shrink for a minute?

Hi Andrea! I was just thinking about you, and I wanted to see how you were doing?

[WebLady]

Hi Andrea! I was just thinking about you, and I wanted to see how you were doing?

Yeah, has anyone even seen her since this post?

[andysgirl07]

Nope, it looks like once she posted that, she hasn't logged back in...

[WebLady]

Nope, it looks like once she posted that, she hasn't logged back in...
hmmmmmm *scratching head on that one ... I hope she is ok. How can you post something like that and never come back?

[CindySue]

hmmmmmm *scratching head on that one ... I hope she is ok. How can you post something like that and never come back?
Ive been in here since the end of Sept, and there have been quite a few to post one really serious or interesting question and then disappear.
http://smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/4/4_12_12.gif (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb001_ZNxdm414CPUS)Does make you wonder though!





http://www.smileycentral.com/sig.jsp?pc=ZSzeb068&pp=ZNxdm414CPUS (http://www.smileycentral.com/?partner=ZSzeb068_ZNxdm414CPUS)

[Kacie_bride]

I've noticed that and I've only been here two months.

[MOB Karen]

I'm worried about her. I wish she would come back and let us know she is ok.

[WebLady]

Ive been in here since the end of Sept, and there have been quite a few to post one really serious or interesting question and then disappear. Does make you wonder though!

Yeah I have seen a few of those too ... it has been nearly a week, I don't know whether to be worried or a little miffed.

[MOB Karen]

I can't be mad at someone who was asking for our help.

[WebLady]

I can't be mad at someone who was asking for our help.
I am not or would not be mad at anyone asking for help, especially in a situation like this. But, I have seen many times on forums (a few here too) where people will post disturbing topics just to see what happens.

I hope this is not the case here ... I sent her a PM, I hope that ms andrea is ok.

[MOB Karen]

I am not or would not be mad at anyone asking for help, especially in a situation like this. But, I have seen many times on forums (a few here too) where people will post disturbing topics just to see what happens.

I hope this is not the case here ... I sent her a PM, I hope that ms andrea is ok.

I almost hope that is the case.

[WhiskeyGirl]

I sometimes wonder with posts like this if they couldn't have been a troll! However, I would like to give them the benefit of the doubt! A lot of times if you go to their profile you can send them an email! Maybe someone should do that??

[MOB Karen]

That has been done. I will let you know if I hear from her.

[WebLady]

I sent her a PM, she has a yahoo email addy in her profile.

[WhiskeyGirl]

That has been done. I will let you know if I hear from her.

I guess we'll just wait and see!

[Kacie_bride]

Perhaps she didn't like the advice that we gave her. A lot of times women in abusive relationships will stay in them no matter what and she probably wanted us to say that they could talk about it or see a counciler or something.

[WebLady]

Perhaps she didn't like the advice that we gave her. A lot of times women in abusive relationships will stay in them no matter what and she probably wanted us to say that they could talk about it or see a counciler or something.

This is possible too, but she never really said what was going on. I think I told her if it wasn't physical abuse to postpone the wedding and try counseling.

[Kacie_bride]

Yes I remember you said that. We may never know.

[MOB Karen]

Perhaps she didn't like the advice that we gave her. A lot of times women in abusive relationships will stay in them no matter what and she probably wanted us to say that they could talk about it or see a counciler or something.

That's exactly what I told Amber. She might not have liked what was said so she backed off.

[WebLady]

Yes I remember you said that. We may never know. Yeah, I am not gonna worry about it ... I wish her the best and we'll see if she comes back.

[MOB Karen]

The reason I sent her the email in the first place was because I was worried that we hadn't heard from her. If I don't hear from her, I will probably always wonder. If you are out there Andrea, I hope you're ok and you come back happy and healthy!