my husband is a momma's boy...help!!!

[tita]

I have been married for lil over a year now, his mother visits us once a year for 3 to 5 months, though she is a very sweet lady and lots of fun, my husband's relation with her realy stresses me. When they are together its like he is a 12 year old again, who cant make a single decision without his mommy...and he would not do anything without her around. its like i come second, when she is not with us he calls her every day, and tells her every sigle detail of our lifes. sometimes I do feel guilty and selfish, I feel like I am the one coming between the perfect mother and son relation. but he is 30 years old, shouldn't he be over his mommy yet?? I realy cant talk to him about this but neither can i take it anymore. I did consider leaving him, but i love him too much, he is perfect except just this one thing, what can i do, i need help???

[ME&HIM]

talk to them both about how you feel. good luck hun

[Nekochanpurr]

I ditto this. Just talk it out and tell him how you feel.. Just make sure to listen to his side, too. :D

[migsepu]

I'm not married yet but my FH was a mommy's boy when i met him. Everything he said and did had to be validated by his mother (who was very annoying might i add). Well after about 5 months I had it and told him how I felt. At first he rejected the idea and told me I was exaggerating. But little by little when things would happen (like his mom would tell him what to do--grrr especially about the wedding) I would simply give him a little look (the i told ya so look lol). After a bit he started noticing it for himself and seeing how much control his mother had. In our case it was even worse because his mother was manipulating him and using that control to get what she wanted (including putting the house under his name because her credit was so bad and then not paying for the house for 5 months and almost going into bankruptcy WITHOUT TELLING HIM!- totally killing his credit and our hopes of financing a house together :irked: ). That was the last straw for him and he's basically drawn away from her. He realized I wasn't trying to control him further or just be a pain in the rear, but rather, I was trying to help him.

Maybe your MIL is great but he still needs to respect your position as a wife. You need to speak to him about it and get it across that YOU are his wife and your matters stay PERSONAL. YOU are his family (and any kids you may have) and his mother is now, well, extended family.

Hope this helps, sorry it's so long. lol.

[Jacobs_Girl]

My husband is a mommas boy and his mom lives walking distance!! Imagine how I feel when she comes over uninvited with dinner already cooked while I am still cooking dinner.

I would talk to your husband and let him know how you feel. See if you guys can come to a compromise. I told my husband look I am starting to really hate your mom because she does this and that. Let her know its not right for her to do that. It is stepping all over my toes and I let it slide a few times but if it keeps happening she ISNT welcomed over here.

Well he talked to her and she has calmed down lots. Now she calls and asks us if we are hungry because she cooked or let us know ahead of time.

Good luck!

[WebLady]

Yeah, I would definitely talk to your husband about this. There is nothing wrong with him loving his mother and having a close and pleasant relationship with her, but he also needs to realize that he is a grown man and has a grown up life with a wife that should at least be just as important!

Tell him how he acts around her and how it makes you feel, but try to do it without an argument or making him think you are asking him to choose. You might even suggest counseling if you feel it is bad enough and he won't listen to you.

I can understand this being a frustrating situation, but I would try talking it out, even with a counselor before I would throw away my marriage; if it is a good one despite this.

Then once you and your husband have talked about it then you should have him talk to his mother, with you there, about it as well. Make sure MIL knows that you love her too and are not saying they can't still be close, but the too close relationship effects your marriage and she and he both need to realize that he is grown and has a wife and grown up responsibilities.

:goodluck:

[tita]

thnks ladys..!! since i was having a hard time talking to him about this i sent him a mail :), which he took rather well, we are goin to talk over it tonight, i will let you guys know how that goes...!

[WebLady]

Good luck :flower:

[Nekochanpurr]

Good luck! Tell us how it goes!

[tita]

so we did talk about it, and he took it rather well... he said he will keep that in mind and try to balance it out...! hopefully things should work out now.

[shopmysongs]

I have 2 sons that I am really close to & have never done anything like you girls have discribed. It seems some of the moms are steeping over the line with their relationship. I get along with my son's wife really good, she's like a daughter to me since I have no girls. I talk to her more than my son. These moms have to let go, even though it's hard & let them grow up & have a relationship with their wife as a married couple. I would be there for any of my boys but would never interfer between him & his wife. Some of these moms need to step back & realize their sons are grown men & need to be adults.

[Micah's bride]

FH is the same way with his grandmother. When we first started dating, he asked her opinion on everything. It was so frustrating and made me really not like her very much. I was so proud of Micah in February when we went to buy a new bed and he didn't call grandma to come look at it and give her approval. It was his first major purchase without her approval.