Bridesmaid issues

[Mary maguire]

I have 4 bridesmaids, one of them is getting married this year also(1 mnth fter me). I have been planning my wedding for the last 2 years. She only decided to marry last month and it was after I asked her to be bridesmaid. She is now dictating what I can have at my wedding because she wants it. For Example I cant have the colour bridesmaid dress I want the girls to wear at my wedding as she said its too close to the colour of her own wedding dress and doesnt want her man to see her in that colour. I have already bought the dresses, she said I was selfish as I bought them after she picked her wedding dress..her dress in Mocha and my bridesmaids are biscuit colour...What should I do I feel like just telling her not to bother being my bridesmaid:bbcry: ..

[LaceyinPgh]

Here is my advice, no one gets to dictate to you anything about your wedding except yourself and possibly your fh. So you need to point that out to her. Tell her the same thing that I told my troublesome bm, if you don't like it, you don't have to be here. Being an bridesmaid is an invitiation only event. You wouldn't be invited to a party and then call the host to tell them what they can or cannot do. So why is this any different? If she doesn't like it that is her problem, demote her to guest status

[Mary maguire]

Thanks for that, I just read your bridesmaid problems and feel totally awful for you. That really sucks you should cut your bridesmaid numbers down or just tell them that you want them to do what you want them to do, you are the bride and its your day. The funny thing is when you said you busted your gut for one of your friends and you could not be the bridesmaid cos her HTB thought you were too uppidty, well thats pretty similar to what my friends HTB said about me...thats the same bridesmaid that is causing me hassle over a dress colour...she so ruined my happy day of finding dresses with my MOH. I had invited her to come along and help choose but she said she was too busy anyway my other two bridemaids and my MOH are great and supportive. I am thinking of replacing her at this stage but I also dont want to lose her friendship as she is part of a large group of friends. Its so awkard, I have already caved in about not having the same flowers as her, even though I had them in mind...my HTB & MOH are really angry with her for upseting me and think she is selfish not me..am so confused

[sarahr]

Wow , you have the same problem as me! I would tell your bridesmaid that it is just too much with both of you planning your weddings and just politely suggest that she back out.

[StaceyMc]

I wouldn't politely suggest anything...I'd relieve her from her duties and let her know why she can sit with the guests and not stand up with you.

Everytime I read about bridesmaids from hell, I'm always thankful that I chose my sister as my matron of honor and left it at that. I don't need anyone else giving me grief about wedding planning - FH is doing that enough on his own :)

[Mary maguire]

Thanks for that. Why do we bother getting so upset when we should be staying calm and enjoying the organisation. I am lucky to have the others interested in my day and not just interested so they can compete like my other BM. I suggest that your Cuz will start competing like my BM has done and is doing, its really tricky so I think you should back out now...or start helping her so well you show up mhow badly she did for you...I also have the problem where because I have been planning and saving for two years I have more to spend and she keeps getting upset by my choices of expensive items. ( I am paying for all even bridesmaid dresses, shoes, invites ect.)

[sarahr]

yeah some poeple just do not know that things are hurtful. Your bridesmaid is causing you unneeded stress and she is acting like a baby. I still wouldn't be real nasty about relieving her from her duties, if you want to remain friends. I know I would be upset if I was relieved of my duties, but it definately would make me open my eyes to my attitude! She just needs an eye opener, not too lose a friend.

[sarahr]

You are even paying for the dresses?? Wow, she doesn't realize how nice that is of you. She really is jealous. God I hop my Cuz does not start getting jealous. I think she is and I think that is why she is engaged now. She bascialy told him he had two months or it was over. I dont know what to do..I am still torn. I know she will freak out if I tell her I decided to have no BM. i feel bad, when I should'nt. I wish we could elope, and we would if my FMIL did not want the wedding. My mother hasn't even called to see if I need help or when I'm getting married. She lives in another state and I didn't grow up w/her. But I told her at Christams I got engaged. I dont even know wether I should invite her.

[Mary maguire]

I think I will mention to her that it may be better if she stands down as bridesmaid as she is so busy with her own prep and that it would be easier for her if she doesnt concern herself with my planning as well as her own..I will mention my FH is also of that opinion and then I suppose I will take it from there..hopefully my other friends in that particular group see it from my side....as I will have to ask one of them to step in her place..could get nasty if i am not carefull.....I never would have believed a colour could cause so much fuss...I am so shocked by this...especially when she hasnt even seen the dresses...

[Mary maguire]

She will get Jealous and probably already is jealous it sounds like she HAD to get married cos you were, drop the bridesmaid and blame it on budget or guest numbers.., they might even be relieved, just mention it to them and try and get them to suggest they drop out as BMs themselves or make them think they did...I would take my own advice here with my BM but shes too stubborn...

...I would ring your mom and maybe mention to her that you need some help with something and she what she says..
Sometimes moms think if they offer to help they are interfering..although in saying that my moms not a great help either but likes to put her opinion in whenever she can..but she loved it when i asked her to research the cake for me...

[Mary maguire]

PS I am a UK bride. In the UK us brides pay for everything even the girls fake tans & nails..

[sarahr]

Yeah and I need to make a decision like in the next couple days. We are goign to be purchasing the BM dresses this week and my wedding is in August!

[sarahr]

Come on?? You have to pay for the tans and nails?? This has always been tradition?? Wow I couldn't imagine....

[Mary maguire]

And you need to get BM colour to match other things..Im July..
You could get them to go for lunch with you and maybe discuss it all then..honesty can be bad but it might clear the air??

[sarahr]

I know...I cant make any decisions. I am basicaly plannign everything on my own. I still cant decide about centerpieces.....having ooked my honeymoon, no flowers yet and no wedding rings!!

[Mary maguire]

yes everything!!! I know its crazy spending all that money..plus BM presents as well..lucky for me my FH parents, my parents and my FH is helping me out..but we had to save really hard

[sarahr]

I wish I would have been engaged longer. We just got engaged in October. I could ahve saved longer too. But my FH parents are helping...even though we told them they didn't need too, they insisted. What are you getting you BM as gifts? I think I might do jewelery.

[Mary maguire]

I was thinking maybe some jewellery that they can wear on that day too.
I love the jewellery on this site. http://www.swarovski.com/index/, so does my MOH.

[sarahr]

Very nice site. I need to get shopping!! My color is claret, and we are having roses as our flower, the typical!!

[Mary maguire]

Sounds beautiful..I love Claret..there is so much beautiful jewellery you could match to that colour..it is nice to have BMs for colour.
I think Roses too maybe cream as my dress is Ivory, BMs in Biscuit..
Gotta go FH just come in looking for attention. Please email me personally if you sort your problem out I would love to hear about it. Its so refreshing to talk to someone with the similar problems

[sarahr]

Yeah I should do some work now, after all they are paying me!! Thanks for all your advice and good luck. I will let you know how things pan out, please keep in touch!

[Kacie_bride]

You have to pay for their tanning? Wow. Poor you. With all the trouble you are going through I think she should quit her whinnning and let you have your day. Who cares if her FH sees her in the a certain color on your wedding day. I agree with everyone else. You may just need to ask her to step down.

[CindySue]

Yep.....I have to agree....if she doesnt want to wear the color you picked out then tell her she can dress like everyone else and attend as a guest instead of as part of the bridal party.
Good Luck!

[Valmai]

You could always put it politely if you dont want to offend/upset her and say that it will probably be better if she wasnt bridesmaid as its so close to her own and she might not feel so special in her own wedding. (her fault for setting the date so close to yours anyways innit.)
And yeah in Uk we pay for everything the BM, MOH or wotver pay for nothing of their own for the day!! xxx

[WhiskeyGirl]

I would tell her tough! You got engaged first, you set your date first, you picked your flowers first, you picked your BM's dress color first! Its just her tough luck that she picked things similar to you! If she doesn't like it, tell her to change it! Its not right for her to dictate to you!

My cousin got engaged after us and got married before us! We never went back and forth on colors, dresses, or anything! I just crossed my fingers that her dress and mine weren't the same, and that nothing else was conincidently the same! June 4th rolled around and I was right! NOTHING was the same!! It was a huge sigh of relief for me, my DH and my mom! But if things HAD been similar, I would have figured something else to change it a little!!

So yeah, boot her out of the wedding and find someone else new!! She ISN'T a friend!! AND if you have to deal with akwardness, thats too bad, but thats life!! If your other friends don't understand, then are they really YOUR FRIENDS?? Best of luck! and Best wishes!!