french / american wedding

[annececile]

Hi!
I'm french, and I' marrying an american (in France) in July 2006. I'm living in France, and my fiance in California... So, it's not very practical to organize the all wedding, because I don't know how it works in the USA (traditions ....)

My fiance helps me, but he doesn't know the traditions.

can you perhaps help me? What should I do, and what should I not do? I 've tried to find how to do in websites (weddingchannel.com) but it's not easy ..

Sorry that my english is not so good..

A bientôt!

[LaceyinPgh]

Bonjour AnneCecile! Welcome to OneWed. It is very helpful place. The ladies are all fabulous. We love to help. First off, congratulations on your engagement. When is the big day?

This is a basic article on groom's wedding traditions.
http://www.*******.com/ch_article.html?Object=AI91222103316&keywordID=161&keywordType=2&parentID=527

This is a big wedding tradtion here in the US, the unity candle:
http://www.weddingchannel.com/ui/buildArticle.action?assetUID=3880&c=2869&s=595965866&t=93&p=1001&l=1393

From what I have read there are not a lot of differences between French and American style weddings. The wedding cake is another one. In France as I understand the wedding cakes are slightly different being a stack of carmalized creme puffs. American wedding cakes are more traditional cakes taht are lavishly decorated and served after the meal. Here are some examples:
http://weddings.*******.com/gallery/gallery_results.aspx?gallery=18

Another tradition is the groom's cake. This is usually a heavy dark cake (sometimes a fruit cake) but usually a rich chocolate cake with rich choclate or heavier fruit fillings. It tends to be decorated or designed to reflect a personal interest of the groom. Traditionally it is cut and sent home with the guests after the reception to enjoy the next day. But alot of people, me included, are serving it at the rehersal dinner the evening before the ceremony.

If you have any questions, please just ask we love to help. Your English is very good. Far better than you give it credit for being. But if you need help translating or understanding something just let me know.

[annececile]

thank you for your answer!

My wedding is the 29. July 2006! I already bought my dress. You can see it there : http://annececile.photo.doctissimo.fr/mariage-alb14206-1.html

I don't have really understand what the groom's cake is ...

For the wedding cake, we will have a french one and an american one :D .. It will be easier !
Ok, I'll now read the websites you gave me ....
:)

[Kacie_bride]

The groom's cake is usually a chocolate cake. A lot of people decorate them with things that the groom likes. For instance at one wedding I went to the groom's cake was decorated in Texas A&M (his university) stuff. Another groom's cake was made out to be a record because the groom was a DJ. I am thinking that my FH would like his in the shape of cowboy hat or boots. It can also go with the theme of the wedding. It is a cake that you can have a lof of fun with and is just something else for the guests to eat. It is very yummy!

[LaceyinPgh]

I absolutely adore the boxes for your favors. They are fabulous!

The groom's cake is just another cake to serve at the reception. Like Kacie did a good job of expalining it above. Since you are doing the more traditional French and American style wedding cakes, I wouldn't worry too much about the groom's cake.

[annececile]

Thank you!

[annececile]

Thank you!

Here's a check list of what I've already made :
-the restaurant for the reception and the menu
-the music for the reception (DJ)
- the photograph
- the hairstylist (?) and make up
- the dress (but without shoes and underwears)
- the "dragées" (almonds sweets)
- church and priest

In progress :
- Invitations for the wedding
- I'm looking for a text for the invitations to the reception after wedding (Do you have an idea?)
- Religious Preparation for the ceremony

To do :
- jewel
- shoes and underwears
- decoration for the ceremony and the reception
- a car for the wedding
- gift list
- ... ...

I've a lot of questions too :
I read that I need something new, something blue, something old and somethings lent. But what? new -> the dress ; blue -> engagment ring, eyes ;) old, lent -> ???

For the ceremony : we will first go to the town hall, and then to the church .. I think it's the same in the USA ...
For the reception : I know it's not the same in France and USA. For us, we have to eat well and then there is a very big party ... But my fiance doesn't want a party : it's not solemn enough .. What do you think? Are are you doing for your wedding ?

A tradition in France is to offer a little present to each guest :it will be the "dragées" for us. Are you doing the same in the USA ?

At the reception : do you have games?

And your honeymoon : when and where?

And last question (!!!) : who's paying what for the wedding? In France, we share all the costs ..

[Kacie_bride]

I am going to attempt to answer your questions to the best of my ability.


1. something new, something blue, something old and somethings lent. But what? new -> the dress ; blue -> engagment ring, eyes ;) old, lent -> ???

This is just a tradition. Some follow it some do not. It is supposed to bring good luck. I don't know what you are talking about when you say something Lent. Lent is just a season here in the church. It starts on Ash Wednesday and ends on Easter.

2. For the ceremony : we will first go to the town hall, and then to the church .. I think it's the same in the USA ...

No, I've never heard of anyone going to the town hall before the ceremony. You have to go to the court house prior to the ceremony (but not on the same day) to purchase a marriage license. Usually the ceremony is at a church or some other site and then you go to a reception. The reception can be at a community center, the reception hall at the church, or some other nice location.

The reception can be a sit down dinner with a band or it can be cake and punch with a DJ. Sometimes they will have no music at all. It all depends on how much you want to spend and what you are into. At my reception we are having fajitas, beer, wine, and a band. It is a celebration! Some receptions have games. I've seen a dollar dance. This is where people pay a dollar to dance with the bride or the groom. Near the end of the reception the bride turns her back and throws a bouquet to all the single girls present. Whoever catches the bouquet is said to be the next to get married. Then the groom takes the garter off of the bride and throws it to his single guests. The same goes, whoever catches it is supposed to be the next man to marry.

Honeymoons vary on the couple. Popular destinations for people here are Mexico and the Carribean. We are going to Jamaica and are leaving the day after our wedding. Cruises are also very popular. However, some couples just go for a weekend to a close by town. Bed and breakfast places are really nice. Some even go to ski resorts like in Colorado for instance. Las Vegas is a popular honeymoon place as well!

A lot of weddings here do offer little gifts to the guests. We call them favors. They can be anything from candy to pens.

As for the costs it depends. Traditionally the bride's parents pay for most of the wedding. The groom's family pays for the rehearsal dinner. The groom pays for the bride's bouquet, the marriage license, and the honeymoon. This is pretty much how we are doing it. However, that is not always reality. A lot of couples pay for the entire thing themselves. Some split it. It all depends on the situation.

[LaceyinPgh]

It seems to me that you have a lot already done Anne. I forgot to mention that your dress is pretty. I was too excited over the dragee boxes.

The old, new, borrowed (lent), blue thing is a take of an old English tradition in the US. You are just supposed to include something that fits each of those catagories in your wedding ensemble. It is just a matter of choice if you want to do it. I personally am not. It is up to you.

In know in France that you are required to have a civil ceremony and then you can have a religious blessing if you want to. In the US it doesn't work that way. You can do it that way though. Here you are legally married in the eyes of the state even if you just have the religious ceremony. The only thing you are required to do is have your priest/minister sign the certificate and file it at your local city government offices.

Receptions vary in the US. It can be a big formal event or something small and casual. Again, personally, my fiance and I are having a larger affair with a cocktail hour, full dinner, and then dancing into the night afterwards. we are also having a band play to keep our guests on the dance floor and entertained. But some people do breakfast receptions or brunches. They might just have desserts served late at night. Or, they could just have a cocktails and hors d'ouvres. I have never been to a wedding where people have played games in an organized fashion.

Your dragees are popular favors over here. In fact they are one of my favorite candies. For favors or gifts, anything goes. I am giving money to a charity that builds homes for underadvantaged familes. Some people are giving out candies. SOme poeple give out small candles. Just something small for each guest to take home and remember the day with. I know my fiance's sister is a pastry chef. She handmade about 400 champange truffles to give to each of her guests.

The honeymonn. Again that can be as lavish or as small as you like. A lot of people anymore don't even go on one. Sean and I looked into going to France or Italy. However, that is a lot of travel and a lot to take in after such a big event. We decided on something a bit more relaxing. We are spending a week in the Bahamas. Some people travel within driving distance or just take a couple days and relax in a local hotel.

Cost is a touchy subject. Traditionally the bride's family pays for the majority of the wedding. In some cases the groom's fmaily helps out. I know in ours, Sean and I are a bit more established and older. we are paying for everything ourselves.

I hope that helps. If there is anything else you need please let us know.

[rainbowtreat]

The other girls have explained everything very good. If examples help you I might try to explain some.

The somethign old, new, borrowed, and blue...... blue I have a blue horse shoe on my garter, the new is my dress the borrowed will be the jewlery I wear and the old, well I am not sure yet. It might be th epromise ring I got from my FH. I have moved it to my right hand since I got my diamond.

Our weddin gis an outside ceremony. As the other girls have said we dont have to go to the the city hall first. We have a justice of th epeace marrying us. Many usualy have a preist do it.

Then we head off to the reception ( after the formal pictures have been taken ). We get annouced in with the rest of the bridal party. Then we will have a small buffet dinner followed by the cake cutting and danceing. Weddings over here are very differnt. Some have a big sit down meal. Others have a small get together with snacks and such. As for games I have been to many that do the dollar dance. One or two songs will be played and the best man and maid of honor will normal collect the money and guest pay $1 for just a few moments of dancing with the bride or groom. The groom takes the garter off the brides leg and then tosses it to all the single men at the reception. The bride will throw her bouquet to all the single woman. The man who catches the garter will normaly put it on the woman who cought the bouquet. The woman who cought it is said to be the next to marry. We have dances wher the bride and groom have their first dance as husband and wife. Then they will dance with their parents. And the wedding party dances.

As for the favors as we call them there are many differnt ways to go about this as the others have mentioned. I am doing little cowboy hats filled with candy with a little tag with our names and wedding date on them. Dependingon the theme of the wedding some do thigns like giving flower bulbs the guests can plant. Some give candles and alot give some type of candy. Others are donating to charties in their guests honor. This is soemthign that can be anythign you want it to be.

Again as the others have said the honey moon is what ever you make it to be. My husband and I are takign a couple of days away and going to a bed abd breakfast just to relax for a couple fo days. Some take trips far away. It depends on what you and yoru husband want to do.

The girls have explained the part of who pays very well. My FH and I are paying for ours ourselves. We ahve friends who are doign thigns as gifts to us like paying for the photographer and the flowers and such.

Welcome to the board and congrats. Feel free to jump in and join the fun. We have all got alot of great ideas and help from here. This is home away from home for many of us. Have fun planning your wedding.

[The Wedding Diva]

I just wanted to offer my congrats! Are you doing a croquembouche as well?

[annececile]

Thank you very much for all your answers!
For Honeymoon, we want to go to greek islands (it's not so far from France ;) ) but with bird Flu, we don't know exactly!

As I can see, the wedding day is more "free" in the USA than in France. We have to go first marry "official" .
I explain you my wedding day (relativ typical in France) :
10 a.m. : hair-dresser and make-up man
12 a.m. : photograph (my fiance will see me befor the church :( )
3.15 p.m. : official wedding (it's a real ceremony)
4 p.m. : religious ceremony
5.30 p.m. : "Vin d'honneur" = first aperitif,at the house of my family
8 p.m. : the big banquet with musik, dance ... until 4 a.m. !

Our Menu will be like this :
-aperitif andsmall cakes
- first course ( salad , foie gras ....)
- fish course
- meat course (duck probably)
- "trou normand" = ice cream and liquor ... it's a little break!
- chease
- first dessert : cakes ....
- second dessert : the couple dessert = croquembouche (Pièce MOntée in french) and a second cake, more american
- cafe and small cakes ;)

The all with wine and champagne of course ..

[Kacie_bride]

Oh wow I would be 25 lbs heavier if I came to your wedding! What a party you will be having! I don't know about the duck, but the other food sounds really really good!

[annececile]

Oh wow I would be 25 lbs heavier if I came to your wedding! What a party you will be having! I don't know about the duck, but the other food sounds really really good!
:) There is a lot to eat, but we always eat so much for parties in France .. Tradition ... And we don't get fat , I don't know why;) ( I read a book " why frenchwomen don't get fat" .. very stupid but funny ..)

[annececile]

Soory that I answer only now... My fiance has come at the end of March (I didn't see ihm since Christmas ..). But his grandmother died 2 days after he arrived .. He had o go back very fast to the USA .. I was so sad that I didn't write you anymore ... Sorry

But now everything is OK! I'll fly in may to california!

What I've made :
- all invitations are sent
- I tried my dress (pictures in my album ...)
- I found a free car for the wedding (french ... citroen ..)

Next days :
-I'll buy the suit for my fiance
- I 'll go to the hair-dresser, and we'll try a hair-dress + make up

:) :)

[tha_mrs]

your dress is beautiful!

[annececile]

Thank you:)