Is it ok to "fire" BMs/MOHs?

[snowflakebride]

I decided to start this poll based off of responses to another recent post. When I was having problems with a member of my bridal party, I was informed it was not ok to "fire" her. As I am new here, I am curious about the opinions on this forum. Is it ok to fire a member of the bridal party and if so under what circumstances?

[RosieAngel]

Depends on how bad they're being. If they seem hell-bent on disrupting the wedding, then yes, I'd fire them. But if it's minor things like them slacking or not helping me out, well, I just need to work harder and expect less of them.

[Nekochanpurr]

Depends how, and if it is causing drama with your other BMs.. =/ You want to do what is going to be better for you and your stress level..

[neebelung]

Yes, it's absolutely okay.

The bottom line is this: it's your day, and they're supposed to not only be your friends, but your support system for that day. They're supposed to alleviate stress and pressure from you. If they're adding to it, then maybe they don't need to be a part of your day.

If you've made clear what your expectations are (and you're not being unreasonable!!!) and they still don't shape up, then get rid of them (gently, however; you don't want to damage the friendship). It's possible they didn't realize how much work was entailed when they accepted your invitation to be a part of your big day.

Good luck!

[ladymelissa]

:bbeek: If they are having an affair with the groom, there probably wouldn't be a wedding!

[FFC]

I'd say yes, it's okay, but only after you and her sit down and have a SERIOUS talk and see how she feels about it. I would think "firing" wouldn't be necessary if she doesn't really want to do it - give her the option to back out.

[WebLady]

I voted "Yes, if you're unhappy with them then go for it!" But I think it depends on the situation.

I think brides should choose people that want to help and that can afford (emotionally, financially, etc) and have the time to do the things they want and expect from them. People that accept this role should also discuss with the bride what is expected of the roll.

Sometimes I think brides expect too much from their attendants and expect them to put their own lives on hold to "be there" for them. Some people love weddings and love to help and love this sort of thing; others not so much, but accept because they feel obligated and don't want to hurt feelings by refusing or just don't expect it to be as much as it turned out to be for them.

Maybe have a talk with the offending person and ask how they feel about things and explain how you feel, and ask if they want to remain a part of the wedding party. Let them step down with no hard feelings if that is the way they need to go.

I think ultimately it is your wedding and you shouldn't count on anyone else to do anything ... even if it is common and sometimes expected.

Just my two cents.

[snowflakebride]

I probably should have explained more, but I wanted to be as concise as possible with my original post...

The problems I had with my BP member haven't changed, but my attitude has. At this point, as long as she gets the dress and shows up, I'm happy. Six months ago I did have unrealistic expectations of her just because of film and other perceptions of how a MOH should act. If anything, I'm more worried about our friendship than whether or not I'll get a bridal shower.

The reason why I posted this was to see if there is a different perception of the subject here, based on a previous post. That's one of the reasons I'm so happy to have joined- new people with new ideas and perceptions.

Thank you so much for all of your responses!

[Whitewater]

I voted that if they're not doing their job(s) and your wedding or your folks (friends, family, out of towners, etc) are suffering for it, then yes, it's actually the responsible thing to find somebody who *will* be willing to pick it up and do what needs to be done.

Of course, theoretically you should have known your BM/MOH's well enough in the first place to know who's going to slack and who's ultra responsible, and give them duties accordingly, thereby avoiding the problem all together.


Whitewater

[NOTKT]

I think as long as you can justify your actions you can do anything you want. It's your wedding.

[tawni8806]

Definetly. It is YOUR wedding and all about you. I was recently told by a lady that worked at Davids' Bridal, after a BM was continuouslly late to events a bride to be asked her to tell the BM when she arrived at a fitting that she was no longer invited to be in the bridal party. I liked that. Haha.

[NOTKT]

That would have been great!

[redrosesredroses1977]

the poll was closed when I found this thread, but I'm going to post anyway. I would 'fire' them only in the case that they were not doing their part and actually causing more stress than helping. It's a MOH's job to help and assist the bride. That is well known. When they excepted the posistion, they should have known what they were signing up for. I also agree with one of the other posts that suggested that you sit them down for a *serious talk and find out if they have a problem with you, the wedding, or just a person thing that is interefering. Try to work it out first. If it can't be worked out, see if she will back down.