Delayed Engagement Party-Want To Know WHEN My Brother is Coming Home!

[MrsFuchs09]

We just found out my brother isn't coming home until September. He's in the army, if you've read my other threads.

I wrote him a letter, sending it today before I visit my fmil in the hospital at 6:30, telling him about Rick and me. He doesn't know yet.

He should get it in two-three weeks.

Problem is, my mom wants to have our engagement party when he's home. I told her I'll be too stressed out from school in September. I want to have it in July. I want my brother there, and I want my MOH there. My MOH won't be in NY in September. She'll be here in July; she moved to NC a few years ago, but we've been best friends since 4th grade. We're still very close, despite our distance. My brother won't be here when my MOH is. I'd rather have my brother there, because my MOH isn't in the service and can come up here whenever she wants and for the wedding (and for a full month and a half before to help with everything and to plan the bridal shower. she's going to be staying with me this whole time.), whereas my brother won't be involved in this as much.

UGHHHHHH. My mom just told me it wasn't always about me. But, uh-last time I checked, I'm the bride. She's already been married....

But I do agree with her on wanting my brother there, I just hope she takes on all of planning the engagement party because I'll be stressed as it is. I think she was going to eitherway.

I just wish I could know the EXACT dates my brother will be here. Then we can at least set a date. And I'm afraid my brother will be bombarded with all this mid-wedding planning. I'm scared he'll come home for a week and the party is going to be some "Welcome Home" party instead of celebrating my and Rick's engagement. Is that selfish of me? I feel as though it is.

Orrrrr I don't want him to regret coming home for the week because he realizes no one is celebrating him, they're celebrating Rick & me.

I don't know. I needed to rant. Any opinions on what you'd do if you were in my position would be nice too.

Thanks.

Sara

[WebLady]

I would let your mom plan the engagement party, it is suppose to be planned for you and not by you anyway. But it was pretty cr@ppy of her to say "it isn't always about you" when your wedding plans should be about what you and Rick want.

As for your brother; I am sure your family wants him to be there too. I am sure there will be celebrating thoughts for you guys as well as welcoming him home. You can make sure you welcome him home too. If you can handle the shared spotlight then I wouldn't worry about it.

All the best :)

[MrsFuchs09]

Well, my mom DID say SHE was hosting it. I don't mind. I just realized before I was overreacting. It takes less stress off me if she plans all of it.

Rick and I will just tell her who we want there, besides the family. Like my bridesmaids and his groomsmen. I just wish my MOH could come.

Shiit, and I just remembered Rick's BM can't come either....he'll be away at college by then. He's home for the summer right now. Hopefully he'll take a ride down here, it's only about 4 hours away. He's come home for weekends before and left Sunday nights.

[MrsDM]

I can understand your frustrations in wanting it to be about you and wanting to make sure your brother gets his moment. Honestly, I agree with WebLady. If you can share the spotlight, do it. Have a HUGE party for you and Rick and your brother coming home. That way, you aren't feeling selfish or cruddy. Sure, it probably won't be exactly what you envisioned, but you have your wedding day for that!

[MrsFuchs09]

I feel so bad and selfish, but I don't want to "share" the spotlight. I'm afraid of feeling as though they're only there to see my brother...

Well then we're going to have to invite a lot of our friends and Rick's family will be there so maybe it won't be so bad?

I'm such a bad person.... :(

[bichonlvr]

You know you don't HAVE to have an engagement party!

Aren't you in HS...maybe have a welcome home/graduation/engagement party!

To be honest your mom is probably just totally stoked that your brother is coming home...that is a huge deal too, right?!?!

[ladymelissa]

Many, many, many couples do not have any engagement party at all.

I may ruffle a few feathers here, but I feel very strongly. My husband is a veteran who NEVER got a proper homecoming. A soldier returning is so much bigger than any engagement party will ever be.

Please, get over yourself.

[MrsFuchs09]

We're going to have an engagement party. My mom wants us to have one.And my brother hasn't gone to Iraq yet. He's in Germany training more. He's coming home for two weeks in Sept first.

So don't be so rude about it and tell me to "get over myself," please. My brother coming home is more important to me. Don't put that idea into your head.

My mom and I will ensure he gets the proper homecoming. My family and I are so proud of him.

I'm going to talk to her about this later, and I'll bring up the idea of us having two parties. One for his homecoming, which will be a night or two AFTER he comes home. Then a week later, our engagement party. That way my brother can see our extended family twice.

If I had to choose, I'd want to have it when he wasn't home, that way, he won't feel unimportant. But my mom wants him to be apart of it. I do too, but then there's the problem of him feeling "there only here for Sara."

And my mom wants us to have the party mainly because Rick's family doesn't know my extended family. This way, they can meet.

[bichonlvr]

I guess the point is it is pricey to have TWO parties...I do not think it matters if he is in Iraq or Nevada I think the point is people have not seen him and people like to honor our troops no matter what they are doing. It doesn't mean your wedding is anything less, but it is further out. You could always wait a few more months too until you can have the party you really want. Are you having a graduation party too?

[MrsFuchs09]

The engagement party will be held at my house. So price isn't an object because the only thing to pay for is food, which my mother and I will cook. And then we don't have to go grocery shopping for a week because leftovers will be our dinner. :D It's only the two of us living together. And only about 40 people or less are going to be invited. It's going to be very casual and laid back.

My mother just informed me that my brother is most likely not going to be at our wedding, he'll be in Iraq then. :(

So she wants an engagement party, because then he'll at least be involved with something for Rick and me.

He'll be home for two weeks, he's deff. going to see our family before. If it's spending the day at my aunts or having my cousin stop by and spending time with him.

So the party isn't going to be the first time they see him. Which is good. I don't want him to feel unimportant. Also, knowing how my family parties work, everyone is going to be walking around and mingling. Everyone is going to go up to him and welcome him home and talk about his experiences in the past year by the end of the night. It's not all going to be about Rick and me, obviously. That's not what people are going to be talking about the whole time. I feel bad about being selfish before, I feel stupid now. It was wrong of me.

And no, I don't like high school. Hell, if walking wasn't mandatory, I wouldn't even go to my own graduation. I'm not making it some big celebration. I'm just moving on in my life and finally closing this chapter. I'm only in school for four hours. I like to pretend I'm not there most the time by going to class, not talking, or doing the whole stopping and talking in the hall, and then leaving. I haven't even taken a bus to school since Freshman year. The whole teenager in high school thing isn't me.

So everything's fine now. My mom said she'll plan this whole thing while Rick and I deal with other wedding planning for the next few months.

I've repeated myself so many times in each post in this thread. Ha. I'm getting on my own nerves now with the way I sound. o.O