FH is lying to me...

[Nikita706]

Okay, so in addition to this weeks previous stresses (which you can read about here: My week is going HORRIBLY!! (http://forums.onewed.com/showthread.php?t=16549)!), FH has been working overtime every single night this week, leaving me to watch our 19 month old son alone (which anyone who's ever had to watch a 19 month old knows can be stressful in itself). So I'm not happy about it, and FH knows this, but I know that we could use all the extra money we can get to help out with the wedding, and (more importantly) get our car (which is about to fall apart) new tires. So FH gets paid cash for the overtime he's been putting in. So he tells me he only got $100. Well, as he's pulling the money out, I see another $50 in his wallet. I ask him about it, he admits that he got paid $150 but wanted to keep $50 of it for himself. So I have this heart-to-heart with him explaining all of the frustrations (mentioned in the thread that's linked above) and how I've been out of my mind trying to come up with money to fix the car AND save for the wedding, and that even though I don't want him to go unrewarded for all the overtime he's putting in, that we're going through a rough patch and desperately need the money. So he seems very concerned and immediately offers to put the full amount in the bank so we can get our outrageously worn front tires replaced this weekend.

So, long story short, I check our account this morning, AND HE ONLY DEPOSITED THE $100! I actually started crying. I've been so stressed about everything else that's going on, and this was seriously the straw that broke the camel's back. I called him, and he said he was keeping the money 'in case something came up'. I asked him 'what could possibly come up that's more important than the safety of your kid and your fiancee?' (I'm not kidding, there is NO TREAD on our tires). And he's like 'I don't know'.

I'm just at a loss, and I know that if I don't vent about it, I'm going to go crazy. I'm about to start crying again. It's not even the money, it's just the fact that he's lying to me and that I can't count on him to do anything!

Ugh...thank you for listening to me. Any advice or opinions would be appreciated.

:sob:

[uptowngirl]

Maybe he wants to surprise you with flowers or a gift since you have been so stressed out about things!

I know it is frustrating when you have a conversation with someone and you think that you are on the same page only to find out you aren't - I hope things settle down for you guys! Just remember that you love each other and you are dealing with everything life throws at you as a team!

[neebelung]

Maybe he wants to surprise you with flowers or a gift since you have been so stressed out about things!


I was thinking the same thing... he might be stashing away a bit extra here and there to surprise you in some way, either soon, or a wedding gift for you.

[Nikita706]

Maybe he wants to surprise you with flowers or a gift since you have been so stressed out about things!

I know it is frustrating when you have a conversation with someone and you think that you are on the same page only to find out you aren't - I hope things settle down for you guys! Just remember that you love each other and you are dealing with everything life throws at you as a team!

That's true, I never thought of that. Even so, knowing that my son is safe on the road is more important to me than getting something nice for myself (as sweet as it may have been on his part).

And you're right. It's still frustrating, but nothing that's a deal breaker. Thank you for your advice. :redface:

[WebLady]

hmmmm ... All I can think to advise you to do is talk to him again when he is at home, try not to make it an argument. Tell him that you understand and want him to have money to do whatever with and don't want to take all his money. But tell him how you are bothered that when you had talked about this before that he said he'd put $150 in the bank but then you find that he didn't; regardless of the reason, it seems like a lie.

Then maybe sit down and come up with a weekly (or how ever you guys get paid) budget; how much needs to go in the bank for bills and such and how much can be allotted for lunch or other spending money.

If you guys are going to be married you can't keep things like this from each other. I tell you, money was one of the big issues my ex and I would fight about and he use to lie to me about how much he'd make. When I'd find out he got paid more than he put in the bank he'd make excuses. Then when I'd leave out money from my pay check, so I could have money too, he'd be mad and/or not understand why we were so broke by the end of the week.

I am sure as a man your FH may not see how important some of the wedding things are to you and he may feel like he has to give you every dime he makes to pay for it. Maybe he is stressing about the wedding and all the car stuff too and just doesn't want to talk about it. Or like others said, he could be trying to surprise you with something.

But if you guys can't afford certain things for the wedding, especially with all the other issues with the car, then you may want to consider cutting back where you can.

Just my thoughts; I hope you guys can work all this out {{Hug}}

[ladymelissa]

You two should really have another talk and you need to encourage him to talk to you and you need to truly listen to him without judging or freaking out. It is really important to find out why he felt the need to lie about it. Most people lie as a path of least resistance.

Some people honestly like to have a bit of cash on them for security. My DH is one of them and taught me to do the same. It is in case of emergencies, when maybe a credit card wouldn't be accepted or work or whatever. If I end up stranded somewhere, I'll always have that money to rely upon. We each have a "cash stash" and generally never touch it. So I can sort of see where he might be coming from.

And that brings me to my next point, if he doesn't spend it and just feels better having it and it is still there when you actually go to get the tires, is it really that big of an issue?

[Nikita706]

hmmmm ... All I can think to advise you to do is talk to him again when he is at home, try not to make it an argument. Tell him that you understand and want him to have money to do whatever with and don't want to take all his money. But tell him how you are bothered that when you had talked about this before that he said he'd put $150 in the bank but then you find that he didn't; regardless of the reason, it seems like a lie.

Then maybe sit down and come up with a weekly (or how ever you guys get paid) budget; how much needs to go in the bank for bills and such and how much can be allotted for lunch or other spending money.

If you guys are going to be married you can't keep things like this from each other. I tell you, money was one of the big issues my ex and I would fight about and he use to lie to me about how much he'd make. When I'd find out he got paid more than he put in the bank he'd make excuses. Then when I'd leave out money from my pay check, so I could have money too, he'd be mad and/or not understand why we were so broke by the end of the week.

I am sure as a man your FH may not see how important some of the wedding things are to you and he may feel like he has to give you every dime he makes to pay for it. Maybe he is stressing about the wedding and all the car stuff too and just doesn't want to talk about it. Or like others said, he could be trying to surprise you with something.

But if you guys can't afford certain things for the wedding, especially with all the other issues with the car, then you may want to consider cutting back where you can.

Just my thoughts; I hope you guys can work all this out {{Hug}}

Yeah, normally our budget is fine and he does get money to buy things with. But since we're down to 2 months before the wedding, we're having to buy last minute things, and really focus on saving the last little bit we need to save to pay for everything. Then this car thing came up and they basically told us that my tires are so worn, I shouldn't be driving on them.

The problem is, he doesn't do the bills, and he's never had to do bills in his life. He lived with his parents up until he moved in with me, so he doesn't understand the stress of having to pay daycare, rent, groceries and utilities so we don't end up out in the cold. He's used to having money to spend and doesn't understand that when we need an extra few bucks to buy things like tires, it's non-negotiable. The tires won't last another few pay periods until he feels like going without his extra spending money.

Maybe I should put him in charge of the bills for a while and let him stress over it, lol.

[Nikita706]

You two should really have another talk and you need to encourage him to talk to you and you need to truly listen to him without judging or freaking out. It is really important to find out why he felt the need to lie about it. Most people lie as a path of least resistance.

Some people honestly like to have a bit of cash on them for security. My DH is one of them and taught me to do the same. It is in case of emergencies, when maybe a credit card wouldn't be accepted or work or whatever. If I end up stranded somewhere, I'll always have that money to rely upon. We each have a "cash stash" and generally never touch it. So I can sort of see where he might be coming from.

And that brings me to my next point, if he doesn't spend it and just feels better having it and it is still there when you actually go to get the tires, is it really that big of an issue?

Wow, you're making it sound like I was the one who did something wrong.

When I said we had a heart-to-heart, that's what I meant. There was no yelling, there was no anger, it was simply me telling him how stressed I'd been the past week.

And yes, it would still be an issue BECAUSE HE LIED TO ME ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! He thought that I wouldn't notice that he'd only deposited the $100 and was going to keep the $50 for spending money. I know because he's done it before. It wasn't for 'security money', it was so he could go and buy a new video game, or some other new electronic gadget.

[WebLady]

You two should really have another talk and you need to encourage him to talk to you and you need to truly listen to him without judging or freaking out. It is really important to find out why he felt the need to lie about it. Most people lie as a path of least resistance.

Some people honestly like to have a bit of cash on them for security. My DH is one of them and taught me to do the same. It is in case of emergencies, when maybe a credit card wouldn't be accepted or work or whatever. If I end up stranded somewhere, I'll always have that money to rely upon. We each have a "cash stash" and generally never touch it. So I can sort of see where he might be coming from.

And that brings me to my next point, if he doesn't spend it and just feels better having it and it is still there when you actually go to get the tires, is it really that big of an issue?
Good point; my hubby likes to keep a little money with him just in case and we have a "stash" too. I have a hard time not spending money though, but I don't make near what he does so most of "my" money gets spent.

Yeah, normally our budget is fine and he does get money to buy things with. But since we're down to 2 months before the wedding, we're having to buy last minute things, and really focus on saving the last little bit we need to save to pay for everything. Then this car thing came up and they basically told us that my tires are so worn, I shouldn't be driving on them.

The problem is, he doesn't do the bills, and he's never had to do bills in his life. He lived with his parents up until he moved in with me, so he doesn't understand the stress of having to pay daycare, rent, groceries and utilities so we don't end up out in the cold. He's used to having money to spend and doesn't understand that when we need an extra few bucks to buy things like tires, it's non-negotiable. The tires won't last another few pay periods until he feels like going without his extra spending money.

Maybe I should put him in charge of the bills for a while and let him stress over it, lol.I would try to talk to him about this; tell him that you deal with the bills and are stressing over where the money goes and about getting enough to make it.

Tell him you are worried about having a blow out if you drive on your bad tires for too much longer.

Hope you guys can work it out :)

ETA -

Wow, you're making it sound like I was the one who did something wrong.

When I said we had a heart-to-heart, that's what I meant. There was no yelling, there was no anger, it was simply me telling him how stressed I'd been the past week.

And yes, it would still be an issue BECAUSE HE LIED TO ME ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! He thought that I wouldn't notice that he'd only deposited the $100 and was going to keep the $50 for spending money. I know because he's done it before. It wasn't for 'security money', it was so he could go and buy a new video game, or some other new electronic gadget.
I really don't think Melissa meant any harm in her post; I am sure she was just trying to help.

We don't know the whole story and how your talks go and I don't recall you mentioning that he had done this before. If he is so immature and irresponsible as to buy a video game or something rather than to take care of his family then that is another issue.

As with just about any issue in relationships, you have to try to talk to each other and listen to each other and try to work it out. If you (in general) can't then you have to decide how important it is to you; figure out if it is a "deal breaker" or something you can deal with and go from there.

All the best, really {{Hug}}

[ladymelissa]

Maybe I should put him in charge of the bills for a while and let him stress over it, lol.

I don't think that is a great idea. I have heard of stories similar to that and most of the time, the bills just don't get paid.

After you listen to his concerns and validate them. Maybe make a spreadsheet of all the household expenses, to show him exactly where the money goes. Then you two can make some decisions together regarding how any extra money is handled or spent.

Let him in on some of the decisions and maybe you both can make some sacrifices with any money that isn't necessary for living. For instance, things like cable TV packages, if he is resenting some of the wedding costs maybe cut back where you can (I know it is a bit late in the game for a lot of it), would he rather eat peanut butter instead of steak (maybe some cuts can be made with groceries) and so on. Let him in on the process. I wish you both the best.

[Nikita706]

I don't think that is a great idea. I have heard of stories similar to that and most of the time, the bills just don't get paid.

After you listen to his concerns and validate them. Maybe make a spreadsheet of all the household expenses, to show him exactly where the money goes. Then you two can make some decisions together regarding how any extra money is handled or spent.

Let him in on some of the decisions and maybe you both can make some sacrifices with any money that isn't necessary for living. For instance, things like cable TV packages, if he is resenting some of the wedding costs maybe cut back where you can (I know it is a bit late in the game for a lot of it), would he rather eat peanut butter instead of steak (maybe some cuts can be made with groceries) and so on. Let him in on the process. I wish you both the best.

We've had all of these discussions numerous times. He always seems sympathetic, but never seems to change.

And I think it's important to understand that this isn't normally an issue, so making a household budget isn't going to help. Normally, he HAS extra money set aside to do whatever he wants with. It's just that right now, we need all of our extra money to go to the wedding and to dealing with this emergency situation that came up. It's just temporary. After the wedding, we can go back to our normal routine of him getting his extra money every week. But the one time that I need him to help out and put in his money (keep in mind, I haven't had spending money for MONTHS now, but I didn't want to upset him by taking his, so this is the first time I've actually asked him to give up his money).

[ladymelissa]

Wow, you're making it sound like I was the one who did something wrong.

When I said we had a heart-to-heart, that's what I meant. There was no yelling, there was no anger, it was simply me telling him how stressed I'd been the past week.

And yes, it would still be an issue BECAUSE HE LIED TO ME ABOUT IT IN THE FIRST PLACE! He thought that I wouldn't notice that he'd only deposited the $100 and was going to keep the $50 for spending money. I know because he's done it before. It wasn't for 'security money', it was so he could go and buy a new video game, or some other new electronic gadget.

I apologize, I did not mean for it come across like that. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, in that he really wanted it for an emergency.

He lied for some reason in the first place and you two need to address that issue. Once that has been handled then you proceed (as in almost starting over with a clean slate). I think I made too many conclusions, it is very hard to sort everything out based on one post.

Here is how I pictured it:

He really likes the emergency stash.

You hear that.

He keeps $50 in his wallet for a few days.

You get the tires.

He felt better, you get what you needed and feel better.

Compromise accomplished.

Now if he lies and then blows the money... you do have bigger problems.

I meant no harm and I wish you both the best.

[Nikita706]

I apologize, I did not mean for it come across like that. I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, in that he really wanted it for an emergency.

He lied for some reason in the first place and you two need to address that issue. One that has been handled then you proceed. I think I made too many conclusions, it is very hard to sort everything out based on one post.

Here is how I pictured it:

He really likes the emergency stash.

You hear that.

He keeps $50 in his wallet for a few days.

You get the tires.

He felt better, you get what you needed and feel better.

Compromise accomplished.

Now if he lies and then blows the money... you do have bigger problems.

I meant no harm and I wish you both the best.

I understand, and I didn't take offense. I'm just so frustrated that this always happens. And he's really quiet, so I'll ask him to talk to me about it and he just sits there or tries to say something to end the discussion because he doesn't like being put on the spot. And it bothers me that he's not 'playing as a team'. I'm always forfeiting my extra money to pay this bill, or to pay that unexpected expense...it would just be nice if he would be understanding THE ONE TIME that I ask him to help me out with an emergency.

GRRRRRRR!!!! BOYS!!!!! :irked:

[FFC]

Finances and lack of communication are the number 1 deal breakers. I hope you and him can come to an agreement on all of this. It is frustrating to hear one thing and see another from him. But I'm thinking that the two of you need to have a serious talk. I can understand him wanting a few bucks "Just in case", and I totally TOTALLY understand the stress you're going through with the saving and trying to do what needs to be done.

Communicate communicate communicate communicate. It's gonna get better once the wedding is over and the extra finances don't ALL have to go towards the wedding.

[uptowngirl]

Some of the very best relationship advice I ever got was to think about every issue that comes up - whether money, sex or communication (the top three issues in relationships) - as the problem, rather then the person you are having the disagreement with. It is helpful to picture yourselves ON THE SAME SIDE and the issue is separate from the two of you. (Ie - FH isn't lying to you, the two of you are dealing together with a communication problem.)

In this case it seems like there are several issues - financial stress, lack of quality time together, and a communication break down. If you can see that you and your FH have to deal with these issues together rather than disagree with each other it can actually help strengthen your relationship as you learn how to work together as a team when you are going through rough times.

[EarlyBird]

Yeah, normally our budget is fine and he does get money to buy things with. But since we're down to 2 months before the wedding, we're having to buy last minute things, and really focus on saving the last little bit we need to save to pay for everything. Then this car thing came up and they basically told us that my tires are so worn, I shouldn't be driving on them.

The problem is, he doesn't do the bills, and he's never had to do bills in his life. He lived with his parents up until he moved in with me, so he doesn't understand the stress of having to pay daycare, rent, groceries and utilities so we don't end up out in the cold. He's used to having money to spend and doesn't understand that when we need an extra few bucks to buy things like tires, it's non-negotiable. The tires won't last another few pay periods until he feels like going without his extra spending money.

Maybe I should put him in charge of the bills for a while and let him stress over it, lol.


the last sentence...scares me.

I have come to find out that some people are just LESS responsible when it comes to money, they dont think logically, etc etc
My fiance is one of those people. He always thinks he needs like 100 on him at all times. While our old financial situation allowed for that... our new one doesnt.. I wish i could say just explain it to him or sit down and talk to him, but the truth is, there might be an argument before he really understands. My fiance and I are totally different when it comes to that.. i could live on 20$ a week for food, gas etc. Im more frugal!! Ill buy in bulk, plan our the meal etc etc Mike(fh) does NOT have that mechinism but its just his downfall. What i did (and ill be honest, it only made things worse) was i went and made a budget for EACH of our paychecks.. he saw what went to what and he was in that budget. he knew if he wanted "spending" money that week, he had to go and work extra overtime.

you could try it, but mostly i just wish you luck!

[alli816]

Just wanted to say Hang in there it will get better......

[LadyDante]

Also, he may be thinking that it's a good idea to have some cash on hand, in case of emergency.

[Nikita706]

the last sentence...scares me.

I was seriously kidding about the last sentence, lol. I would never put him in charge of the bills. I know for a fact they just wouldn't get paid. I wasn't serious about that.

But thank you for all of your help ladies. You've all made some really good points. Uptowngirl, you're advice is REALLY helpful, and you're totally right. As frustrating as it is, I DO need to consider how WE should fix the problem, not me. I'm just kind of a 'take charge' gal, I tend to try and fix every problem myself when I really need to get FH involved and figure it out together.

And I agree with you EarlyBird, I've tried every budgeting trick in the book. I, like you, am frugal. I buy a box of cereal and 5 containers of yogurt and I'm good to go for lunches. FH won't do that. He refuses to think ahead for things, so if he's out on a job, he thinks it's fine to spend $5-$10 a day at McDonalds or Jack in the Box or wherever he happens to be while I'm at work eating cereal and yogurt to save money. Then when we're at the store over the weekend, it's like 'Go find something you can take to work for lunches', but he's like 'well, I can't take microwave stuff because I'm always on the road, and I can't take this because blah blah blah, and I don't like those, blah blah blah.'

Of course, I'm the one opening the mail every day and dealing with the wedding vendors and getting phone calls from people reminding me that there's a lot of money going out the door every week, so I'm constantly being reminded. Oh well. I think I'll just sit him down and talk to him. What can I say to him though? We've had these conversations so many times, I've kind of run out of things to say, and he REFUSES to talk. Does anyone have a FH like this? Who just bottles everything up and WONT talk about anything? How do you get him to open up?

[bichonlvr]

Did he ever tell you why he LIED to you about the money???

[Nikita706]

Did he ever tell you why he LIED to you about the money???

No. I'm sure he just figured it'd be easier than trying to convince to let him keep the $50.

[bichonlvr]

Does he generally lie to you?

[Nikita706]

Not usually, the only time he ever lies is when it's something that he doesn't think will be a big deal if he gets caught. He always fesses up when I confront him about it, but it's usually things like 'did you remember to mail that bill for me?' then he'll say 'yes' even though he forgot, then say he's going to the store and mail it on the way. Or in this situation when he obviously thought I wouldn't notice $50 missing from our account.

[uptowngirl]

I'm just kind of a 'take charge' gal, I tend to try and fix every problem myself when I really need to get FH involved and figure it out together.


LOL! That is totally me! It is so hard for me to remember that I am not the only one invested in making the relationship - and our life - a good one!


I think I'll just sit him down and talk to him. What can I say to him though? We've had these conversations so many times, I've kind of run out of things to say, and he REFUSES to talk. Does anyone have a FH like this? Who just bottles everything up and WONT talk about anything? How do you get him to open up?

I think in a lot of ways this is a typical male vs female problem. There are so many great books out there that explain that just when women need to sit down and have a good conversation, men need to clam up and think about things. It is a universal frustration I think! The one thing I have found is that trying to make him talk usually has the opposite effect. Unfortunately you kind of have to wait until they are ready to have the conversation...

LOL - Can you tell my parents are Marriage counselors!? Haha!

[RosieAngel]

I'm sorry he was lying to you. That would really bug me, since it's a trust issue. I would tell him that it's better to argue a point with you than say you agree and do something sketchy behind your back.

Although this really isn't the issue at hand, you might want to consider putting him in charge of the bills, considering the circumstances. This is his first time living away from home, and it's normal for people to not understand the value/importance of budgeting when Mommy and Daddy pay all the major bills.

I was a dumb kid who never had to manage money when I moved in with my roommate (a girl, not FH), and I didn't understand how to budget until she sat down with me, taught me how, and then placed me in charge of paying the bills for a few months.

Within a month, I was a budgeting goddess! We then started splitting the responsibility of bill-paying, because I was getting stressed.

That's why I'm all for that. But only you know FH's strengths and limitations...

[Nikita706]

Although this really isn't the issue at hand, you might want to consider putting him in charge of the bills, considering the circumstances. This is his first time living away from home, and it's normal for people to not understand the value/importance of budgeting when Mommy and Daddy pay all the major bills.

I was a dumb kid who never had to manage money when I moved in with my roommate (a girl, not FH), and I didn't understand how to budget until she sat down with me, taught me how, and then placed me in charge of paying the bills for a few months.

You know, maybe I should at least have him help me with the bills and show him what's coming in and going out. I mean, don't put him completely in charge (I don't want anything slipping through the cracks...I'm paranoid like that), but at least let him try to figure it all out and realize that it's not always as cut-and-dry as 'we have this much leftover every week, no more, no less.' that everything varies and that unexpected things do come up. (i.e. our dog got loose from her dog kennel while we were out to dinner and SHREDDED all the blinds in the house last weekend. And not the blinds on the back of the house that could wait to be replaced, the ones that face the street, where everyone can look in at night and see EVERYTHING that goes on, lol. Yet another unexpected expense that I had forgotten about.)

That's a good idea, thank you Rosie.

[EarlyBird]

I was seriously kidding about the last sentence, lol. I would never put him in charge of the bills. I know for a fact they just wouldn't get paid. I wasn't serious about that.

But thank you for all of your help ladies. You've all made some really good points. Uptowngirl, you're advice is REALLY helpful, and you're totally right. As frustrating as it is, I DO need to consider how WE should fix the problem, not me. I'm just kind of a 'take charge' gal, I tend to try and fix every problem myself when I really need to get FH involved and figure it out together.

And I agree with you EarlyBird, I've tried every budgeting trick in the book. I, like you, am frugal. I buy a box of cereal and 5 containers of yogurt and I'm good to go for lunches. FH won't do that. He refuses to think ahead for things, so if he's out on a job, he thinks it's fine to spend $5-$10 a day at McDonalds or Jack in the Box or wherever he happens to be while I'm at work eating cereal and yogurt to save money. Then when we're at the store over the weekend, it's like 'Go find something you can take to work for lunches', but he's like 'well, I can't take microwave stuff because I'm always on the road, and I can't take this because blah blah blah, and I don't like those, blah blah blah.'

Of course, I'm the one opening the mail every day and dealing with the wedding vendors and getting phone calls from people reminding me that there's a lot of money going out the door every week, so I'm constantly being reminded. Oh well. I think I'll just sit him down and talk to him. What can I say to him though? We've had these conversations so many times, I've kind of run out of things to say, and he REFUSES to talk. Does anyone have a FH like this? Who just bottles everything up and WONT talk about anything? How do you get him to open up?

My fh and yours could be twins.. he is the same way. i tell him lets buy large quanities of red bull instead of 3.00 each--- he says NAWW.. grrrrrr

[mobdilemma]

You know, maybe I should at least have him help me with the bills and show him what's coming in and going out. I mean, don't put him completely in charge
Great idea! I was in charge of the bills when my husband and I first got married and he was always purchasing some tool or fishing equipment without thinking about whether we could afford it. It created lots of tension. We finally decided to make bill paying one of our "couple activities". Whenever it was time to pay bills, we sat down together to do it. It definitely made him more aware of how much money we had to play with. Over the years with our busy schedules(and with the advent of online banking) I have re-assumed the role of primary bill payer but he is now much more "fiscally responsible".:D The other advantage to paying bills together is that it takes you out of the role of being a financial nag (A role I always hated!).

[Nikita706]

The other advantage to paying bills together is that it takes you out of the role of being a financial nag (A role I always hated!).

Seriously! I always feel so guilty about telling him 'we only have so much money this week, please don't buy anything extra.' It's like, they're his bills too! I shouldn't feel guilty if OUR bills are due, lol.

[BillsBride]

Darlin', we all need to be selfish sometimes. Let him have his mulligan and move on. Stressing over stress is a disaster waiting to happen! :cloppy:

[Nikita706]

Darlin', we all need to be selfish sometimes. Let him have his mulligan and move on. Stressing over stress is a disaster waiting to happen! :cloppy:

I suppose, but he chose a horrible time to be selfish.