MiL strikes again

[Shawna Bride]

I got in to work yesterday to find this email:

Shawna - I think that we had best have a family meeting sooner than later. Since our phone call last night, I have not been able to sleep. I was so worried about Ryan returning home okay and not only did he not call, but you didn't either. I spent a whole morning running around for those cupcakes, only to find out that no one cared!!!!! I must stop caring - I did it without you because you told me you were going ring shopping. Sound like that didn't happen. You didn't even mention the cupcakes when you spoke with me last night. I could tell that you didn't want to speak with me; I sense this a lot lately. You know what - I will stay out of this wedding from now on. Seems every time I get a great idea (good cupcakes vs. Loblaw's), I get shafted. Enough already. I now know my place in this wedding and I am sure that it is to stay home. I have never felt so down and so empty in my whole life. We have had lots of talks, lots of e-mails. I had wonderful ideas to share with you on the acrylic stand, but I must have been imagining your enthusiasm. I thought you and I were close; I was wrong. I am truly sorry that all this is happening - it should be a happy time for me too. I do love my son and I wish all the happiness in the world for him.

She expects me to be in charge of her son like a mother! He went on his bachelor party and she expects me to call her to tell her he's okay? He's 28 not 12. This is getting crazy.....

[KMac]

Hey Shawna,
OH MY GOD!!! I am am sorry this is going on between you and your FMIL. That sucks. Please don't let this get yoiu down! Just think, you only have 24 days to go!! And I agree with you when you say that you FH is 28 and not 12!..lol.....does he always check in with her? Good Luck. Please keep us posted! I wish you all happiness and stress free days to come!
KMac :cool:

[LaceyinPgh]

You know what, call the woman and expalin to her that your FH is an adult, you can't force him to check in with his mommy. And then expalin to her that you have enough going on in you life with day to day things and a wedding that is in a matter of days. So, she needs to take her pity party along with her self indulged need for acceptance and attention and go elsewhere for awhile.

[Jenn060306]

I think you definatly need to talk to her about this. She's sounds very controlling. Remind her that her son is getting married and is an adult. He shouldn't have to check in with anyone.
I don't really understand the cupcake thing. But she must realize how much you've got on your plate right now and that sometimes things slip your mind. That's what i've found myself doing lately.
Good Luck. Hope everything works out well.

[Shawna Bride]

That email was just the topper on the cake... after that she sent several more, much meaner emails. I finally called her last night and explained to her that my FH is a big boy and I am not responsible for him. She told me that wives should be the ones in charge of pushing their husbands to do things, such as call their mothers, visit and buy birthday cards. My FH and I are partners, I am not his mother nor does he want me to be.
I woke up this morning looking like ET from all the crying last night.
His Mom and I made up last night, well she apologized and I accepted. I will play nice for now, but if this ever happens again I will not be so sweet.

I have a big problem with not being a b:censored: ch... I wish I could be one and tell her where to go, but I just can't.

[brewsells]

That is really a terrible situation for your FMIL to put you in. I'm sorry you had to go through that. I understand how it is when those mommies. They think their sons are still babies and need to control everything. Hope you can all keep the peace at least until after the wedding.

[LaceyinPgh]

That email was just the topper on the cake... after that she sent several more, much meaner emails. I finally called her last night and explained to her that my FH is a big boy and I am not responsible for him. She told me that wives should be the ones in charge of pushing their husbands to do things, such as call their mothers, visit and buy birthday cards. My FH and I are partners, I am not his mother nor does he want me to be.
I woke up this morning looking like ET from all the crying last night.
His Mom and I made up last night, well she apologized and I accepted. I will play nice for now, but if this ever happens again I will not be so sweet.

I have a big problem with not being a b:censored: ch... I wish I could be one and tell her where to go, but I just can't.

She is going to torture you for the rest of your life over every little detail and it will only get worse when you have kids. Shawna, I hate to say but you need to learn how to stand up for yourself and not just pacifiy people or do what is expected of you sweetie. There is nothing wrong with looking at someone and saying :censored: off, as long as they deserve it.

[WebLady]

Oh dear ... I am sorry you have such a 'difficult' FMIL Glad you were able to make nice though.

I would have your FH tell her that he is a big boy and doesn't need to check in with his mommy anymore. With these type of people you have to re-assure them that you love them and they you are still going to have them be a part of your life after you guys are married but, they have to realize that you two are adults and don't need to be told what to do or how to run your marriage. You have to put her in her place now before it gets too out of hand, but you have to make sure your FH is on the same page as you or she will try to turn him against you and say that you just don't want him to have a relationship with her.

Sounds like she is one that wants to feel needed and in control and wants to think she knows it all. Sounds all to familiar to me :bbrolleyes:

In that show Sex in the City, Charlotte's MIL 'Bunny' was sort of like that when she was married to Trey ;) But in that situation, Trey had let it happen for so long it was hard to change. I think she walked in on them making love one day and then she stopped coming by unannounced :wink:

I am sorry you have to go through this, but you are not alone it happens alot ... good luck :hug:

[CindySue]

She told me that wives should be the ones in charge of pushing their husbands to do things, such as call their mothers, visit and buy birthday cards.
All I can say is WOW.......If Brian doesnt want to call his mother, visit his mother, or send cards, Im NOT going to make him do it. SHe sounds like shes having a tough time cutting the umbilical cord!
I have a big problem with not being a b:censored: ch... I wish I could be one and tell her where to go, but I just can't.
I was the same way.....until I finally had enough. I wish I would have started standing up for myself sooner, but oh well, :censored: happens. Now I dont take cr@p (cr@p), i speak my mind, If I dont want to do something, I dont let myself get pressured into it.

[Dawn]

It sounds as if your FMIL is pulling the manipulation card. Dont let it work. Call her and tell her that her help is appreciated(if you do indeed feel that way). Why should you call her when he gets home... better question - Why is she waiting up for a call?!?!?

Sounds like she is trying to hurt you, but at the same trying to seem like a victim herself. This is YOUR day!!!! Not hers!!! And she should respect that, not try to hurt you.

Good luck, and hope things get better for you.

[rainbowtreat]

WOW I am sorry you are going through this. But like the other girls just stand up for yourself and tell her how you feel. And be sure you FH knows what is going on. She will continue unless soemthing is said. Maybe her son could talk to her about it. She may be mad for a while but she will get over it I am sure.

I was one to let people tell me how it was supposed to be and I did it. I grew up and I am so indapentent that it is hard to deal with me at times. My ex had mentioned that he figured that since I am getting married that he was affraid I would go back on my word about the amount of child support he will be payingonce the kids are in school all day. ( him and I have an agreement, he pays extra now when he can to help me out a little more and once they are not in day care all day and costing so much money then I will let him slack off a little and not pay as much, but he will help when they need things ) I told him this will not affect anything like that. I told Nicholas and he said I coldn't tell you what to do if I wanted to. Not like you would listen and do it. LOL

So just talk things out with both your FH and his mom or let him talk to her. And good luck.

[Kacie_bride]

He is way to old to call his mommy to tell her he got home okay. And you really shouldn't be blamed for him not calling and you shouldn't have been expected to call. My FMIL is not a cake walk, but she's not as bad as yours or at least not yet. Mine just is always trying to do things cheap. I can understand cheap, I'm all for it, but looking cheap is another story. But back to you, you have got to stand up to her now or it will go on forever. I've known women who bicker with their mother in laws for 20 years. You don't want to go through that.

[CarlosHoney]

Swetie, it's tough dealing with anyone who is overbearing, much les your FMIL. It's nice that she's helping with the wedding, but it's cupcakes for crissakes! There's only so much that you can say about cupcakes.

"How are the cupcakes?"
"The cupcakes are great!"
"Awesome. Gotta love those cupcakes!"

Yeah, nip it in the bud. He's a big boy. He can call his mom when he wants, and she needs to be okay with it.. He's getting married. There's a new woman in his life.

Good luck. I hope she "normal's out".

[sjp]

Fear Not!!! If up till now you've had a good relationship, maybe its just the stress of the wedding. And, maybe she was having a bad day, feeling menopausal, whatever. The main thing where you're conserned is that she made you feel bad/mad.
The good news is that you dont have to be a b:censored: OR bend over and take it!! Counselors tell you if you have something that is bothering about something someone has done, write them a letter, even if you never plan to send it. It will make you feel better. If you do choose to send it, it gives you a chance to state your points without interuption and without anger in your voice. Then she can process the information however she wants...
Good luck with that. Let us know how it comes out

[CindySue]

Counselors tell you if you have something that is bothering about something someone has done, write them a letter, even if you never plan to send it. It will make you feel better. If you do choose to send it, it gives you a chance to state your points without interuption and without anger in your voice. Then she can process the information however she wants...
Good luck with that. Let us know how it comes out
I actually have a spiral notebook......"My Letters to Brian". Whenever Im really stressed and agitated and just HAVE to get something off my chest,:realmad: but it might not be something I really want him to hear :bbredface: , then I write him a letter. Hes read some of them but not all. He also knows about my notebook and what its for, but it doesnt bother him that he cant read the letters. And it really DOES help.

[Shawna Bride]

In that show Sex in the City, Charlotte's MIL 'Bunny' was sort of like that when she was married to Trey ;) But in that situation, Trey had let it happen for so long it was hard to change. I think she walked in on them making love one day and then she stopped coming by unannounced :wink:


Wanna know something funny? I came home yesterday and that Sex in the City was on!!! My FH couldn't understand why I was laughing my butt off in the living room!!!

My goal is to keep the peace from now until the wedding, and then after, I will not be as sweet and meek if something like this occurs.
No more Mrs. Nice Guy

[WhiskeyGirl]

With 23 days until the wedding its hard to state what you are feeling without something happening! But I recommend that if she attempts something like this again do not allow her to treat you like that!! Stand up for yourself but do it in a mature and non aggressive way!! After the wedding, let her have it!! I'm sorry you FMIL thinks you need to take her place now that you are getting married!! My inlaws feel similar but I've told my DH that I am NOT his mother!! I will cook and clean and do his laundry but that is because I am a stay home wife!! Thats all!! Just lay down the law with him and forget his mother!! Ignore her if you have to!!!