who to invite to post rehearsal gathering

[mary_s12306]

Our son is getting married soon and the rehearsal dinner issue has been a source of contraversy. The bride's parent's brother, sisters and their children will be coming in from far distances, most from CA to NY some from Australia! The number of out of town guests just with them numbers about 60. Our family is small. It will be just my husband, brother and sister in law in town the evening of the rehaersal. Our extended family is within driving distance for the wedding day. The wedding party is only our daughter as the bride's brother. Who do we invite to the rehearsal gathering and how to keep costs down if we have to go with 70? If we keep it to wedding party and parents it will be 10 people. If we extend to the out of town guests it ends up being closer to 70. This is our first experience with the rehearsal dinner tradition. We were married 38 years ago and this is our first child to get married. We want to do the "right" thing but there seems a lot of differences of opinion as to what is "right". Any suggestions for us will be welcome. We cannot have an event at our home as we will be coming from 200+ miles away ourselves. The wedding is in the northern New Jersey area. Thanks, I am a worried mom who need advice.

[WebLady]

Welcome Mary! *we shortened your username so you didn't have your whole email address ;)*

Typically the rehearsal dinner is for the wedding party and parents and sometimes grandparents. Usually brothers and sisters are involved in the wedding somehow, so they would be there. I guess their spouses and kids would be invited too.

But it is really up to you and the couple who all you want to invite and how big of a production you want this to be.

Good luck :)

[sweetvenus]

I've never been to a rehearsal dinner where the out-of-town guests were invited, but I know it's extremely common in some areas. Is there anyone who lives in the area who would be attending the rehearsal who might be willing to donate their home? Having it at home and not at a restaurant will definitely keep the costs down. I would say set a specific budget, then sit down with the couple and go over a few different scenarios of what you can do with that money.

[nic1124]

We had ours at the house behind our church. It's got like a banquet room type thing. We had an awesome BBQ joint do the catering and my MIL and her sisters made some of the side dishes. We had about 40-50 people. We just kept it really casual and it was a ton of fun. Good luck to you!

[bichonlvr]

Is it possible to do it like a BBQ or something, so you are able to invite the OOT guest? I think people tend to invite them so there is more time to spend with them!

Welcome!

[BrideToBeCindy]

Hi Mary! I think you and my future in -laws are in the same position right now. FH is their only son and they are just "lost" about the whole rehearsal dinner and who to invite. FH and I are traveling to the wedding ourselves..lol. We live in Texas, but the wedding is in NJ (like your son :D). Half of our bridal party is traveling to the wedding as well as a ton of other guests. I know the expense is high to have everyone at the dinner, but it's really about spending as much time as possible with your OOT guests. If at all possible try to invite all OOT guests. If the expense is too high for a formal dinner with everyone then do just a formal dinner with bp and parents then do something casual with everyone else. Whatever you decide to do, enjoy the time! Your son is getting married! Congrats to you and them!

[mary_s12306]

Thanks to all who replied. I have told our son and finace to look for a place they like and book it. We gave them a budget to try to stay within. Now the problem is theirs but they live closer to the area than we do. Easier for them to search. We have offered to make the drive down and help. Still waiting for them to let us know our next step. The wedding is 8/9/08. Reheasal dinner would be 8/8/08. Lots of places have responded that they are booked for a group as large as we need to feed. I am sure they will find something or we will go with small dinner and something at a bar later. Thanks again. I will let you know what outcome

[bichonlvr]

They can also do it on the 7th if needed!

Good luck to you and then...

stick around and tell us all about it!