faster relationship

[divinemsemm]

Hi there.

I've been with my guy for a month and we're engaged as of last night. We both know it's the right match and have no doubts. I've been engaged before so I know what is and isn't the feeling of a real match. I just don't know how to tell my folks about it.

Any ideas?

[officiant-fica]

Hi there.

I've been with my guy for a month and we're engaged as of last night. We both know it's the right match and have no doubts. I've been engaged before so I know what is and isn't the feeling of a real match. I just don't know how to tell my folks about it.

Any ideas?
Well, that's tough. Personally, I don't think there is any good way to tell your parents. No matter how you do it I'm sure they will try to talk you out of it. Heck, I'll be honest, that was my first instinct. But you know how you feel and you are the best judge of that. I thought I read in an earlier post that your sister was getting married soon too. Be prepared for her to be a little upset too. It's hard when there are two brides in the family. Now with that said, I do wish you the best. I hope that your family is receptive. If you need any help this board is very supportive.

[officiant-fica]

I justed wanted to add that I'm in no way trying to judge you. Joe and I moved in together after about 5 weeks of dating. LOL So I know about "fast relationships"
:)

[rainbowtreat]

Do it when you feel the time is right. I kept at my FH for months to tell his mom ( she lives 13 hours away ) that we were getting married. He knew he would get a speach about how good we get along why fix soemthing that is not broken. And he did when he finaly told her. But all is good. We moved in before the realationship even got started. Let me explain quickly. We were together once for 7 months and because of the long distnace I broke it off. A yr later ( almost to the day ) I called him and we got back together. He was here a couple of time to visit before he was livign here but within 2 months of us getting back together we were living togehter and engaged. ( just no ring ). So it happens and it is up to you when you think you should tell them. Good luck. And welcome to the board.

[divinemsemm]

he is moving here (he lives about 90 minutes away) to be with me. He's been driving here four times a week or so just to see me, and since i'm a single mom I can't really go see him alot, so he comes to see me. He says, "Honey if you could drive here I know you would, but you have to worry about your son and that's it." (makes me cry!!)

He is a grad student at UMKC and takes classes two evenings per week, so moving here is cheaper on him than driving all the time so he decided that in May he'll move here, and in the following may we'll get married.

I'm not going to say that there's nothing wrong with him, he has his quirks, but hey, so do I. The quirks are a bit annoying but they make him who he is, and I don't want to change him at all. he has this pecking kiss thing he does... sometimes i just want to grab his face and make it stick to mine for a while, but he wouldn't be him without the pecking kissy face... So I wouldn't ask him to stop :)

I'm thinking about waiting until just after my birthday in april or just after finals in may, i don't want to hide it, I know he's the one I want. I'm not blinded by love like I have been in the past.

I just don't know how to tell them - unless we just plan the thing and send them invites :P I think they'd hate that, but if it's all planned and we just have something simple, the surprise may be fun.. i dunno...

[officiant-fica]

A surprise wedding could be fun..........

[LaceyinPgh]

Ok, there is no way your parents are going to be thrilled about this. I wouldn't be happy if my daughter got engaged after only knowing a guy for a month. So my question is, what's the rush? I am a big advocate of taking your time. Trust me, I have been with Sean for almost 7 years. We are finally getting married this May. After a month of knowing each other we had only spent maybe 15 hours with each together. Heck, after almost 7 years we are still discovering things. I mean if it is meant to be, it is meant to be. Spend time together. Enjoy each other. Relax for the moment of things. Don't rush.

[divinemsemm]

sometimes things are just right... i've known people who have been together 15 years, they get married and two years later are divorced. I've known couples that have married after two months of dating and have been together for 25 years and still going strong.
My parents met in May 1970 were married in December 1970 and have been happily married ever since.

i hear what you're saying. I don't want to wait seven years - we both want to have a lot of kids, and we don't want them just a year apart, and I don't want to be pregnant at 45, so... for us it seems right.

[WhiskeyGirl]

My Dh and I knew each other four months before we got engaged and promptly moved in together!! My friend decided she needed to duplicate that and moved in with a guy she now absolutely hates! (and she hates ME for it! Go figure!!) Anyhow, I'm not saying thats whats going to happen to you, but give it time before you tie the knot! We lived together for a year and a half before we actually became husband and wife!! Sometimes it works for people to rush into things, sometimes it doesn't!! When you know, you know!! I wish you the best and welcome to the board!!

[Kacie_bride]

Welcome to the board. A month is a bit fast in my opinion. Justin and I have been together for almost four years now. We got engaged in December. However, I see you guys are waiting until May 2007 to actually get married and I think that is a very smart decision. That way you'll have enough time to get to know eachother more and be sure it's what you really want to do. But like you said, sometimes you just know these things. Good luck and we're glad to have you here with us!

[divinemsemm]

yep, we're waiting until May or June 2007

[Kacie_bride]

Well let us know when you know an exact date. That is the first step to planning. I know May and June are big wedding months so in the next few months you probably would need to start shopping around for a venue.

[bnd94]

Welcome to the board Emily! :D

I have been with my FH for almost 12 years and we are just getting married in September. So I guess I am all for waiting too. But hey everyone is different and only you will know whether it is right or not. My brother married his wife after only a few months of dating and they are so happy together. We all thought it was a bit soon but noone said anything more than "Are you sure?" I am happy to read that the wedding will be a year away. It will give you more time to get to know eachother better. I am sure you have heard this many times before but living with someone is the best way to really get to know them. Those little things he does that are annoying now will get much more annoying when you live with them everyday. And I am sure there are things you do without even thinking about them that he will find annoying. But thats life and we all learn to live with them.

So do you think your parents are going to freak out? Have they met him yet? If so did they like him?

If I was you and I was really excited I would just go over to their house and tell them. They will be less likely to throw a fit if you go to them bubbling over with the news of your engagement. I am sure they would be happier if you told them now rather than wait until you are half way thru planning. You never know they may not approve but the hopefully will respect your judgement.

Good luck with talking to them. No matter which way it goes we will all be here to give you support and help planning your wedding!! Keep us updated.

BTW CONGRATS on your engagement!!!!!:cheers:

[brewsells]

I know where you are coming from. Adam came over to celebrate my birthday with me, and he never left. We didn't really know each other before hand, so it was REALLY quick. If you feel the connection, you know it. Your parents may be upset and try to talk you out of it. But, from what I have learned, they will accept it eventually.
I think the best way to approach it is to just come out with it. There really isn't an easy way to bring up the subject. Tell them you know how you feel about him and this is what makes you happy.

Congrats on your engagement!!:cheers:

[Kacie_bride]

About the parents thing, they may not freak out as much because you are having a long engagement. I mean if you were elloping tomorrow they would probably throw a big fit. This way they'll still think you're rushing, but what would be the difference if you got engaged in 6 months and then got married a few months later?

[CindySue]

Brian and I tease eachother that our realtionship just had a mind of its own. We TRIED SO HARD to take it slow and do it right......but.....that lasted all of about a week. I went and saw him on a Sunday, he came a saw me on a Wednesday, I went and spent the weekend with him that next weekend....and in the month before we "officially" moved in together, we may have spent 5 nights apart....that was it.
Yeah....ours has been fast. We dont catch flack about it because we are both in our 30s and well....they feel its our lives...weve made mistakes with realtionships before so they are hoping we learned something from those mistakes. Our families can see the difference we make in each other and how we are so much alike and how we make eachother happier than our friends and family have ever seen us.
Most people probably think we are rushing into this, but our families are wondering why we are waiting so long!!!

[soulmates]

About the parents thing, they may not freak out as much because you are having a long engagement. I mean if you were elloping tomorrow they would probably throw a big fit. This way they'll still think you're rushing, but what would be the difference if you got engaged in 6 months and then got married a few months later?

long engagement??? What do you consider long?? Just over a year is not long in my book.

[WhiskeyGirl]

long engagement??? What do you consider long?? Just over a year is not long in my book.

This is a dead thread! Please don't revive it.

[soulmates]

This is a dead thread! Please don't revive it.

Sorry. I just joined here and posted in a thread that I read.

[WebLady]

This is a dead thread! Please don't revive it.
At least this one is from this year ;) Some of the others I've seen revived lately were from last year.

I guess it is not too bad 'dredge up' an old thread if it is a topic that might be of interest or help to someone else.

[MountainBikeGirl]

I also know what you mean. I knew from the weekend we started dating that we had something special. It was completely different than anything before. But, then again, I am over 30 years old. I had felt like i could marry someone before, but it was nothing like this.

One thing you could do, is just not tell them for a while, and then just have a long engagement. Is that a possibility? We didnt become 'officially' engaged until we were dating for a year, although we knew we would marry from the get-go. He moved in after 1 month of dating, but that was more because of circumstances.

[MountainBikeGirl]

Sorry. I just joined here and posted in a thread that I read.
Oh schieße- me too. Sorry!

[WhiskeyGirl]

No worries ladies, Brandi is right...at least it is from this year!! lol

[kevinsbride2B]

Your folks could be thankful that you didn't just disapear and elope right? If i was a parent I would much prefer my daughter to come to me and say "i'm in love with him, i know it's fast, but we want to get married!" Not get the call saying "guess what mom... we're in Vegas!" lol

[chrissgurl2007]

Well heres my story I had a daughter at 18 with an abusive alcohic man, I stayed single for 4 years, no man what so ever, my daughter was very ill kidney problems and a seizure disorder, anyways my parents were extremley protective of me, I met Chris and we fell in love so quick and hard, We started dating in April and by the end of May moved in together, my parents took it really hard but once they realized how happy I was, they agreed that I was OK with him and that we were in love they ended up just being happy for us, maybe your parents will realize this and be happy for you also!

[SerendipityCrafts]

Firstly - welcome to OW

I don't mean to judge but I am the resident mom, worry wart & paranoid penny so, please excuse me -

Just curious -

How could you have accepted a proposal before if you "know what is and isn't the feeling of a real match" Does this mean that you have previously married your real match and or broke off an engagement to a real match?

I have heard too many stories about women being duped or taken. I think it might be wise to have a check done on this man - just to be on the safe side.

Tips to Keep You Away From a Con Man

Con artists charm their way into a woman's heart, lie to her, and too often, take her for all she's worth. Candace Delong, former FBI Profiler and author, shares tips to keep you away from a con man.

Signs You're Involved with a Con Artist:

Pressure to get married.
Marriage is far too important in life to be rushed. Be wary of a wedding or proposal out of the blue. If a man makes you believe your marrying him is a matter of life or death — he's up to something.
Vague answers to questions about his past.
Always ask questions about your mate's background or past. If he refuses to answer these questions, be suspicious. If he does answer the questions, and you wonder if he is telling you the truth, look up the information he gives you on the Internet.
Questionable financial worth.
If a man brags about how much he is worth or claims to be broke because he is paying child support, that can be checked out also. Have him show you income tax records for several years before you merge finances. Always get proof if you aren't sure. Also, be aware if he is always asking to borrow money.
Lies about his age.
A man lying about his age is cause for concern. He may try to change the date because the real date of his birth is on a warrant for his arrest somewhere. If he claims that there was a mistake on his birth certificate, or his job made a mistake, he is lying. It's illegal to change your birth date.
Multiple social security numbers.
Having more than one social security number is illegal. If a man has more than one, he is using it to scam money or avoid the criminal justice system. If he claims to be a victim of identity theft, have him show you documentation.
What You Have and Do That Makes You Vulnerable to a Con:

You have something worth getting.
These types of men are looking for a woman with something they can take. You don't have to be wealthy or be an heiress to a huge fortune. If you have a job and a little bit of room on your credit card, this may attract him.
Gullibility.
You have a willingness to believe anything the con artist is telling you. You may think you're a good judge of character, but these guys are really slick. They start learning how to lie at age 3.
Believing the grand gesture.
Willingness to interpret questionable behavior as love. For example, a man goes to a woman's house when she is not there, gets her stuff and puts it in his place. This is not the loving gesture it might appear to be. For one thing, it's theft. Secondly, it is meant to control her and get her in his world as soon as possible. Also, be wary if he proposes quickly in the relationship.
Testing boundaries with money.
Usually, this occurs early in the relationship. For example, he may ask you out to dinner and when the check comes say, "Oh, honey, I left my wallet in the car." Your response should be, "Oh, honey, I left mine at home."

[SerendipityCrafts]

This is a dead thread! Please don't revive it.

Sure sure .... now I notice this! Anyhow .... I still think the advice is sound.

Hey - is there a way to close a thread to new postings after a certain time period?

[MOB Karen]

Sure sure .... now I notice this! Anyhow .... I still think the advice is sound.

Hey - is there a way to close a thread to new postings after a certain time period?

You know, Elizabeth, I'm glad you brought this up. We are not as strict on this issue as we used to be. If you want to dredge up an old thread, more power to you. We don't mind. The info is there for you to use as long as you need it. :grinhappy: