Moving Josiah to a big city?

[Nikita706]

I realize I may step on some toes here, but this is one debate that FH and I have been having lately. Both FH and I both grew up in Humboldt County, which anyone who's been here knows that it's pretty much a few small towns in the middle of the redwoods. There's a TON of nature here, we live right by the ocean and we spend a lot of time in nature. It's gorgeous. Having lived here, both FH and I have a great deal of respect for nature and enjoy spending our time outdoors. However, recently FH has been talking about moving to a big city. He loves Humboldt County, but quite frankly, it's not an easy place to live. The biggest town has about 30,000 people in it, so our economy's really bad, but our housing costs are still through the roof (it's about the same as Sacramento's housing market).

Anyway, while I prefer small towns, I'm not opposed to moving to a bigger city (we're thinking Portland). The only problem I have is that EVERY ONE of my cousins who grew up in a big city has that 'big city mentality'. They all listen to nothing but rap, they like racing these god-awful tricked out cars, they spend their spare time club-hopping, some of them are absolute gangster wannabes...They all live that fast-paced lifestyle that I don't like. I mean, I'm sure this sounds kind of harsh, but I'm terrified that we're going to move to a big city and that Josiah's going to turn into this urbanized little gangster wannabe. Can anyone relate to this, or am I on my own? lol.

[uptowngirl]

I can definitely relate! Well - I don't have any kids but I grew up mostly in the country (Woodstock, Vermont - as country as it gets!) and when I graduated from high school I moved my self to the big city because I was ready for a change!

I actually moved to Portland Or - (small world! :))and while there are parts of the city that are kinda ghetto and full of strip clubs, most of the city has a layed back, outdoorsy feel to it. There are parks all over the city, and for the most part people here are are down to earth and welcoming. I actually moved out of Portland into Vancouver Wa - which is basically a suburb of the city, just across the river - into a neighborhood of beautiful older houses, quiet streets and cute little shops. Downtown Portland is only about 10 minutes away, so I get the convenience of the city without any hustle and bustle (or Oregon income taxes LOL!)

Anytime you are about to try something new - especially when it involves where you live - it can be scary not knowing what to expect! I would recommend doing a lot of research and maybe coming up for a visit to check out the city and see how you like it!

[sweetvenus]

Oddly enough, the only people I know like that come from really small towns, haha. But I agree with doing a lot of research. Find out which schools and suburbs are the best in the area before you make the move.

[Nikita706]

That's a good idea, we're going to Portland on our honeymoon, so hopefully we can get an idea of what it's like.

[bichonlvr]

Wait wait wait....first off why not move to a suburb of a big city? Like Aloha or Beaverton outside of Portland?!?! Or Olympia or Renton outside of Seattle?!?! or Vancouver, WA :)

Secondly...people have differences wherever they live just because they are into ganster stuff and clubs is not to be blamed on the big city or to make assumptions about because of where they live they will be a certain way.... for example... most everyone I know from Humboldt is huge stoner..they love the outdoors and like to be one with nature, everyone from CA knows the reputation of HC..but I doubt you would want people to assume that you are a pothead, right!

Go check places out, as someone said look at school districts, check areas at night, go to the grocery stores, etc! But pick a place because you like it and it will be a good place to raise your family.

Good luck!

[firespirit]

I don't know that I really consider Portland a big city. I mean I guess it is, but it's just so hippy.

There are a lot of bums downtown, but even a short distance from downtown there is a suburb feel to Portland.



I grew up in/next to urban midwest and I don't think I'm like that at all.

[Nikita706]

We're definitely planning on moving to a suburb of Portland, but I'm still worried about it.

And please don't take offense you guys, I'm not talking about everyone. I'm just saying that moving him to a big city is going to increase the chances of him getting sucked into that lifestyle. I don't think that anyone can argue that moving to an area that has more gangs is going to increase the chance that he'll get involved with one. I'm just saying that I have 9 cousins that grew up in the Sacramento area, and every single one of them got sucked into that fast-paced big city lifestyle. They all act like little wannabe gangsters and think that money's everything. Maybe it's just that generation, who knows.

[firespirit]

We're definitely planning on moving to a suburb of Portland, but I'm still worried about it.

And please don't take offense you guys, I'm not talking about everyone. I'm just saying that moving him to a big city is going to increase the chances of him getting sucked into that lifestyle. I don't think that anyone can argue that moving to an area that has more gangs is going to increase the chance that he'll get involved with one. I'm just saying that I have 9 cousins that grew up in the Sacramento area, and every single one of them got sucked into that fast-paced big city lifestyle. They all act like little wannabe gangsters and think that money's everything. Maybe it's just that generation, who knows.


I'm not taking offence. I just want to say, usually when kids join gangs and stuff that tends to speak more toward the parenting than the fact that they are in a city.

It's good that you are concerned, and that itself would certainly speak volumes about being a good parent. I don't know anything about your cousins, so I don't want to speak ill of their parents, but that tends to be where things start, good parenting does almost always lead to good kids.

[bichonlvr]

And please don't take offense you guys, I'm not talking about everyone. I'm just saying that moving him to a big city is going to increase the chances of him getting sucked into that lifestyle. I don't think that anyone can argue that moving to an area that has more gangs is going to increase the chance that he'll get involved with one. I'm just saying that I have 9 cousins that grew up in the Sacramento area, and every single one of them got sucked into that fast-paced big city lifestyle. They all act like little wannabe gangsters and think that money's everything. Maybe it's just that generation, who knows.

Well I can tell you this...Portland, Oregon is WAY different from Sacramento, CA! Sacramento is an armpit full of gangs and ghettos...there are nice parts to Sac too and you can move to the subs like Rocklin or Roseville Portland is lovely and has tons to offer!

I guess I am confused you said you were worried about moving to a big city, yet you are now saying you are thinking about a suburb! Those are two way different things. I agree with Firespirit, I am not sure I would call Portland to a big city. It is like saying you are moving to Spokane.

Again, go check out places and do you research things will be fine!

[firespirit]

Well I can tell you this...Portland, Oregon is WAY different from Sacramento, CA! Sacramento is an armpit full of gangs and ghettos...there are nice parts to Sac too and you can move to the subs like Rocklin or Roseville Portland is lovely and has tons to offer!

I guess I am confused you said you were worried about moving to a big city, yet you are now saying you are thinking about a suburb! Those are two way different things. I agree with Firespirit, I am not sure I would call Portland to a big city. It is like saying you are moving to Spokane.

Again, go check out places and do you research things will be fine!

Hahahahaha...... armpit.......

[Nikita706]

Well I can tell you this...Portland, Oregon is WAY different from Sacramento, CA! Sacramento is an armpit full of gangs and ghettos...there are nice parts to Sac too and you can move to the subs like Rocklin or Roseville Portland is lovely and has tons to offer!

I guess I am confused you said you were worried about moving to a big city, yet you are now saying you are thinking about a suburb! Those are two way different things. I agree with Firespirit, I am not sure I would call Portland to a big city. It is like saying you are moving to Spokane.

Again, go check out places and do you research things will be fine!

Well, to me it's all the same. My cousins all grew up in Elk Grove, Roseville, Rocklin, etc. which ARE suburbs of Sacramento. To me, living 10 minutes away from the city isn't 'two way different things'. To me, a big city kind of includes all of it's suburbs. Even if some areas are better than others, you're only a few minutes away from the problem areas. And Portland has a population of 600,000 people. That's more than Sacramento's population. Not to mention, 600,000 people is pretty big compared to where I come from.

But I agree with firespirit. A few of my cousins had a strange upbringing. Not abusive, but their parents are kind of strange...one might say too self-absorbed to be bothered with their children, which is definitely not the case with Joe and I. I guess I'm just worrying because I've never lived in a city bigger than 30,000 people and the only people that I know well that DID grow up in big cities, quite frankly, have questionable morals. I'm sure if I thought more about it, I could think of a few people that I'm close to that turned out just fine after growing up in a big city. I think secretly I want to stay living in a small town, so I'm looking for excuses not to move, lol. So, thank you firespirit.

[grapefruit]

I grew up in a city and I turned out okay--I think. I think that a good family and support is definitely key for being successful and healthy in life.

My fiance is from the suburbs but we are currently living in the city- in a nicer neighborhood than where I grew up of course much to the dismay of his well-intentioned parents and we both like it- we value the diversity and culture of the city.

My concerns are opposite of yours. When we have children (in a year or 2 hopefully), we want to expose them to diversity and different backgrounds and classes so that they will be more aware of the outside world. Some suburb people- I find- are well-intentioned but ignorant and shallow. Just my 2 cents.

[Nikita706]

I grew up in a city and I turned out okay--I think. I think that a good family and support is definitely key for being successful and healthy in life.

My fiance is from the suburbs but we are currently living in the city- in a nicer neighborhood than where I grew up of course much to the dismay of his well-intentioned parents and we both like it- we value the diversity and culture of the city.

My concerns are opposite of yours. When we have children (in a year or 2 hopefully), we want to expose them to diversity and different backgrounds and classes so that they will be more aware of the outside world. Some suburb people- I find- are well-intentioned but ignorant and shallow. Just my 2 cents.

That can be true. I know that both Joe and I are really open-minded about things and plan on making sure to teach him as much diversity as we know and let him explore other ideas and cultures. I guess because we have so many 'problem children' from my family in my age group (mainly seeing my cousins, and more importantly my sister and the problems that she's gotten into with drugs), I tend to worry more about the bad influences of the city rather than the good (which would be the culture and diversity). But you're right, being good parents to him is the most important thing, after that, it's up to him to decide who he is, and I'm sure if he wants to get into trouble, he'll get into it regardless of where he lives (as my sister did).

Thank you guys! You've really helped me to kind of think this situation through!