i have 2 fathers

[november_bride]

Ok, here is my situation. I have 2 fathers. My real dad, and my step dad. My mother has been helping me plan my wedding and called me tonight to ask a question: "how are you going to include Dennis (step dad) in your wedding?". I'm 22 years old and my father is alive and well. He is the man I always imagined walking me down the isle. Now, Dennis... he's more of my mother's husband than my step dad. Yes, he's been a part of my life since I was 12, but not a large one... he and my mother dated for a very long time, and 2 years ago, decided to finally get married. What am I going to do???? I know what I really want to do is just tell her that I only want my father walking with me, but I don't want to upset anyone. On the other hand, Dennis and my mother are paying for the wedding, so how can I possibly be soo selfish?? Dennis and my real father don't get along, and neither do Dennis and I, for the most part. But again, I'm the type of person that doesn't want to upset anyone.

I was wondering, has anyone been in the same situation, or have any suggestions??

[WhiskeyGirl]

Ok, here goes! And the advice you get will probably very but this is my opinion! Have your REAL dad walk you down the aisle!! If you don't get a long with Dennis, don't do it! This is your wedding and your day!! YOu should not allow others to tell you what to do! Not only that but do you really want someone you don't get along with walking you down the aisle on your wedding day?? I understand where you say that they are paying for it so why shouldn't he walk you down, but, since when did money dictate who walks you down the aisle??? If that was the case then my FIL should have given me away, not MY dad!! And now doesn't that seem silly??? This is your day, do it your way!! Don't let their emotions or bad feelings for each other dictate to you how to do things!! Really!! It is your day and they will get over it if Dennis doesn't walk you down the aisle Hun!! He isn't your father and you shouldn't have to treat him like he is!! Sorry if I'm out of line, this is just my opinion!!

[blueeyedbride]

I agree 100% w/ Canadian Bride!!!!

[Kacie_bride]

Defiantely your real dad should walk you down the aisle. As far as Dennis being involved with the wedding, maybe he could do a reading or something. He can still wear a tux and get a boutinere (I know I totally blew the spelling of that!) But then again if you don't really get along with him then why would he even want to be a part of your wedding. It's a tough situation. Perhaps you should ask you mother how she suggests that Dennis be involved. Chances are she probably may not have even considered him walking you down the aisle and had something else in mind when she asked how he was going to be involved.

By the way, welcome to the board!

[LaceyinPgh]

Here is the deal. You dad has always been your dad. From the sounds of it you have a good relationship with him He will always be your dad. Your stepdad is just that, some guy married to your mom. If you don't want him involved in your wedding then you need to tell your mother that. Tell her that this is YOUR day. You want toshare it with most important people in your life. That would be your parents. I have a step dad too. He is being treated just like any other guest. He just happens to be married to my mother. Even if he and I were closer it wouldn't matter. That day belongs to me. My dad is walking me down the aisle. My step father didn't raise me, he didn't make sure I had everything I wanted and needed, he didn't pay for me to college. My dad did, and the honor is his.

You shouldn't feel obligated to involve anyone. Your mother and step dad will get over it. I hate to say it but you are going to have to learn to tell people too bad. YOu are planning a wedding. For some reason people feel that gives them the right to dictate things to you. If you want to keep your sanity and have the wedding of YOUR dreams you need to figure that out.

[Kacie_bride]

I agree with you!

[WebLady]

I am dealing with a situation alot like this with my friends wedding I am helping with (the wedding is tomorrow 03/11/06 and I am suppose to be in bed ;)) Her dad is in her life but not on a regular basis. She likes the step-dad ok and he has actually been more of a part of her life than her real dad, but she still wants her real dad to give her away.

So we are having the real dad escort her down the aisle and give her away. Then in the reception she is dancing with both her real dad and her step-dad as a spotlight dance.

Funny though, she got a gift for the step dad and not for the real dad ;) Her mom and the step-dad are paying for the whole thing and the step dad couldn't even rent a tux. Oh well, wish me luck tomorrow! (well, today being after midnight and all ;))

[Jenn060306]

My fiances sister went through a similar problem but she didn't really like her dad and did like her step dad. She walked down the isle with her dad and her step dad had no real involvement in the ceramony, but he did MC the reception. He was completely fine with that.
I think you really should involve your father in the wedding if that's what you want. There is no rule that you are required to have your step dad involved. But i think if he were to do a reading or be in charge of a task would be nice.

[bnd94]

I agree your real Dad should walk you down the aisle. You may be able to include your step Dad in something else but as long as you get along with your father he should be the one to have the honor of "giving you away". :D

BTW welcome to the board.

[rainbowtreat]

This is my second wedding. And even though I have a dad and now an ex step dad that I am still close with I am having my mom give me away. At my first wedding though both of them walked me. My real dad walked me the frist half of the way ( the aisle was not big enough for the 3 of us with my dress and all ) and because my step dad was close with my husband at the time he walked me the rest of the way. But they both stood and gave me away.

It is your choice. I don't want to hurt feelings either but I have chosen my mom to walk me down the aisle. Neither dads are having a part in the wedding. My mom is the oen who deserves it. She is the one who raised me and is always there when I need her. She should have givien me away the first time.

Well this was my doing but again do what you want. Not what some oen else wants. It is your day after all.

[sjp]

This may be a little unconventianal, but if you feel affection for this man it might make everybody happy...What if, instead of walking in with you, your father waits just inside-say the last pew or row of chairs. Your step father could walk you in, hug you, and hands you off to your father, who then walks you down the isle??? Its not walking you down the isle, so you get what you want, your dad gets the honor, and your mom and step get to be "involved." Is that TOO weird?