Hi!

[Dawn]

Hi! I'm Dawn, and new to the board. I am recently engaged, and am just kinda looking for people to connect with. I have never gone through this process before(planning a wedding), and kinda feel overwhelmed.

My (supposed to be) best friend has not been very supportive. I was kind of depending on her to be my rock, but it looks as if shes not going to be. I think she is having some jealously issues. I dont know what else it could be. My boyfriend even called her for suggestions on what kind of ring I would want, and she seemed very helpful then. However, now that the proposal is all said and done, she hasnt seemed very happy. You know, usually people will say "can i see the ring?" "how did he ask you?" "what did he say?" "OMG, I'm SO happy for you!" -- you know, that kinda thing. But, I have gotton nothing like that from her. I just dont get it. I feel very rejected by her. Her boyfriend earlier this year had asked her to marry him, however he had no ring. The ring she wants is way outta his price range... regardless, I feel very rejected by her, and feeling very overwhelmed with planning.

I am afraid to say anything to her, because I dont want to upset her. I was asked by her to be her maid of honor, and I'm supposed to ask herto be mine. But honestly, Im not sure I want to after this. I dont feel as if I can totally 100% count on her. Some part of me is afraid that she will sabatage this for me some how.

Anyone have any good advice? Help!

[CarlosHoney]

I think that the only way to resolve this is by sitting down and having a good talk. Maybe ask her to go to dinner, just you two, and talk about it. She might not realise that she's being this way, or she might not know how to tell you how she feels. Giver a chance to open up, relax, and talk it through.

I had my own jealousy issues before we were engaged, and I still don't have my ring (but it's coming!) so I understand. A proposal without a ring, well, it's kind of like a letdown. You're happy that you are going to get married, but you just don't have anything to "show" for it. People see the ring and ask "Oh, are you getting married?!" It's something to brag about...

If she wants you to stand in her wedding, I'm sure she cares a lot for you and wants you around. She may not understand what her actions (or lack thereof) are doing to your friendship.

If it's a particular ring she wants, you should mention Moissanite. It's what I'm getting. I'm getting a 1 Carat Cushion Cut Tiffany Setting, and it's like $650. Just as good (and in some ways better) than a diamond, and in a few years she could get the stone replaced if she really wanted to.

[countrygirl]

Hey Dawn,

Welcome to the group!! Sorry to hear about your friend. I am going thru a similar thing w my sister. I just got engaged in Feb, and she hasn't taken an interest in my wedding, but wanted to know why she wasn't asked to be my MOH.

My suggestion, sit down w you, just the two of you, and talk. Really talk. Let her know how you feel, and ask if there is something that is bothering her. Be honest, but nice about it. Maybe it is just jealousy, and she doesn't know how to deal w it.

Good luck!! And definatley keep in touch w the ladies here. They are a tremendous help, and lend alot of support. You will find yourself trying lend support to others too.

Heather

[officiant-fica]

Welcome Dawn! Sorry to hear about your troubles with your friend. I agree with Carrie, sometimes people don't realize how they are coming across. Be honest, and fair, she may think you are bing the one who is stand offish. Good Luck and when is the wedding?

[Dawn]

Thanks for all the advice. I'm still nervous about talking to her about this. She isb usually very standoffish. So, just approaching the subject will be touch and go.

[brewsells]

One extreme to the other....My MOH is overwhelming. She is trying to take over EVERYTHING. I have had to "forget" to tell her when I am going out to look at something.

Dawn, I understand your difficulty in talking with her. Especially when someone is difficult to approach. Ultimatly, though, this is only going to add a TON more stress on you. I think you really need to talk to her, and let her know how you are feeling. Some people don't realize what the are (or not) doing until it is pointed out to them. She is your best friend... she will understand.

Now, if I could take my own advise. :goodluck:

[CindySue]

Welcome Dawn.....Sorry you are having probs with your friend.....I had the same problem. I live over an hour away from mine so that helped....I havent "written her off" but we hardly ever talk anymore.
I think you will like it here. The girls have a lot of great advice on any subject you may have a question on!

[LaceyinPgh]

Welcome Dawn! Congratulations on the engagement. Sorry to hear about your friend. I know that I have a few like that. My advice, just be prepared to deal without them. It will be so much easier to plan things without help than to have help that is a hinderance. The girls on this board are so helpful that they can really make up the slack.

[bnd94]

Welcome to the board Dawn! :D

I am sorry to hear your best friend is acting like that. I hope she comes around soon.

BTW Congrats on your engagement. So, have you two set a date yet? :D

[Dawn]

Welcome to the board Dawn! :D

I am sorry to hear your best friend is acting like that. I hope she comes around soon.

BTW Congrats on your engagement. So, have you two set a date yet? :D

Thanks! We havent technically set a date. I'm thinking about late August 2007. We are probally going to end up pauying for most of it ourselves, and I dont want to scrimp, so I'm making sure I'm setting it out far enough, to make sure we are able to save enough $$$.

[Kacie_bride]

Welcome to the board and sorry about your troubles. I agree with Carrie. You should just talk to her and try to get it figured out now before you get deep into your plans. If she is not who you thought she was then you need to go with someone else as your maid of honor. Good luck and welcome! :D

[rainbowtreat]

Welcome Dawn. As the others have said you will get great advice from here. And feel free to vent whenever need be. We all do it and it makes ya feel better to get it all out. Hope thigns work out with your friend. Congrats on your engament and have fun plannig your wedding.

[surprisedtobe]

Hi Dawn,

Though I am experiencing new engagement issues (see New with Cold Feet post) I have been at the place you describe with my best friend. My best friend REALLY wants to get married & didn't appear to be so happy or supportive. Similar indicators - no OMG I'm so happy for you, no immediate "wow can I see the ring"...in fact we took a three day trip & she didn't note the ring at all until the trip was about over & any event that I wasn't up for was summed up to "well that figures, you're engaged why would you want to go out, party, shop, etc." She completely ignored whether or not events were something that I would characteristically not want to do/attend before getting engaged.

Resolution: For me & my friend - my resolution was given to me by her 2 months after the engagement. She called and decided to quote/unquote fess up or come clean. For her it was that she wasn't quite ready to deal with the fact that her "single forever" friend had new obligations that would be lifelong, she was used to doing so much "just us girls" stuff that the engagement kind of had her recollecting her thoughts about where our friendship fit into the picture. She proactively apologized for seeming distant or not happy for me & assured me that she was happy just unsure of how to deal with not having as much of me to go around combined with her own strong desires to be married. Talking helped out a great deal! I could see the reaction but not the reason for it, hearing that she was happy but just reeling a bit on how to move forward kept her in the bridal party.

Hope this empathy helps & Hopefully you & your friend can talk to see what the root of her reactions really are...