FMIL raising stink over wedding shower-does she get to help plan it?

[fashionspot]

My maid of honor, who is also my sister, is planning my bridal shower with my mom, aunts and grandma. (I'm only having 1 shower by the way). FMIL called to ask if she could help plan the shower and my mother told her no, that our side of the family would handle it and all she and her daughters had to do was show up. FMIL had a fit at this and is very upset. There is bad blood between us because on the first day we met, she told me I was not good enough for her son. I told my mom and sistar about this and they were horribly upset. I have never heard of a fMIL helping to plan a shower-in my family and in all the other families I know and the ones I have been too, the shower planning and duties were handled by only the bride's family. As far as I am concerned, FMIL is lucky to be invited after how awful she was to me. FMIL is also mad because I did not invite her or her daughters to my bridesmaid luncheon and that my mom was there. But her daughters are not my bridesmaids, I am not close to them and my mom was there cause the luncheon was held at my parents house.

[SerendipityCrafts]

I saw this exact cut and paste post on another forum. I am interested to see if you get the same answers here as you did there.

[WebLady]

Well there is not any specific person that is "supposed" to throw your shower anymore. Back in the day showers were thrown by friends because of the family's disapproval of the marriage and thus there would be no dowry ;)

Maybe your FMIL was trying to be nice and wanted to help. I can understand your family being upset by how your FMIL has apparently treated you in the past, but maybe she is trying to make an effort to be better in her own way ... I think your family should at least make an effort to be civil to her as should you - just my thought.

Maybe you could give her something else to do for the wedding so that she feels a part of things too.

If she continues to be mean, rude and spiteful even when you and your family try to be nice then that is on her. But if she tries to be nice (even if she doesn't apologize which would be nice) and you guys continue don't accept it, then it is just going to make yours and FH's life that much more hectic when you have to spend time with his family.

What does your FH think about all this? Does he have a good relationship with his mother?

All the best to you!

[ElizaE]

I think this is the time to build some bridges. You can hold on to a grudge and put your FH in the middle throughout your whole marriage, or you can forgive and make an effort. She wants to help, so let her help. Tell your mother and sister to ask her to bring a dish or buy the cake. What is wrong with that?