HIS Ring

[countrygirl]

So, my FH says that he doesn't really want a ring, becuase he doesn't like to wear them. He told me yesterday that we can just get him one from a cracker jack's box, and he will be fine. He was married once before, and never wore his ring. He is a machanic on F-16, and works on vehicles, alot. He cracks his jokes, but says that it isn't that he doesn't want people to know he's married, it's just that he doesn't like them because of the work he does. I understand him not wearing it at work, or working on cars, it would be dangerous if his finger was caught. But I am insisting that he wear one the rest of the time.

Am I being silly?? I know that he loves me, and that he isn't going to run around. But still, I want him to wear one. Even just a simple band, something.

[Kacie_bride]

I don't think that is to much to ask for. Recommend him getting a titanium one (I think that is what my friend's husband has). They are really durable and not fancy, but I think they are sleak. I think they are reasonably priced as well.

[The Wedding Diva]

I agree. My husband has a high risk job too. He tapes it up or takes it off. If he does take it off, he is always mindful about putting it back on it. Its about respect.

How do you get it?

Keep your ring off for a while and tell a story or two about how many guys hit on you. That will put some fire under his feet. Might be a little extreme, but you get my drift.

[countrygirl]

I have actually told him about men hitting on me recently, and he laughs. He isn't really the jealous type, except when a particular friend of his grabbs my butt, alot. He doesn't like that so much. Maybe that should be my angle???:bblol:

I had left my ring by my sink the other day, and forgot to put it on when I left the house. He told me that he wouldn't mind if I didn't wear it all the time. It wouldn't bother him.

He is so non-chalant about things. Sometimes, it drives me nuts!!!!

[The Wedding Diva]

Yikes! Ok, so new angle-- lead by example.

Wear your ring constantly and let him know that you expect the same.

[countrygirl]

I haven't gone more than a few days w/out it one since he slipped it on my finger. I am just going to have have to strap him down and force him to wear it!!!!!

And, yeah, he has this friend who told him a long time ago, that if he (FH) hadn't gone after me, his (the friend) would have!! Umm, yeah, don't think so. Granted, the guy's got a nice @$$ in wranglers, and can country dance like the dickens, but he can't compare to my Josh. He has had a prob w keeping his hands off, until recently, and it finally built up in Josh enough that he blew up at me about it. I had to explain to him that I am in NO WAY interested in his buddy. Friendship is it!!!

[WebLady]

Well, I have a different and likely unpopular view on this. I know that many won't agree with me and that is ok, I am just stating an opinion.

My DH and I don't wear wedding rings; I had thought about getting a tattoo on my ring finger once but changed my mind. DH isn't into tattoos so I figured why bother if he wasn't going to do it plus that kind of thing tends to fade. I do sometimes wear a ring on that finger and people think it is a wedding ring and I guess I don't mind, but I just don't 'need' a wedding ring.

I actually know several people who's husbands don't wear rings for various reasons. The way I see it with us, I know we are married and I trust my husband completely and I don't need a ring to prove anything to me or anyone. I have seen and heard about him being quick to tell people he is married. Besides, I know a guy who is married and wears a ring around his wife and takes it off when she is not around, he says it bothers him and he just wears it to make her happy. And, I know another guy who wears his ring all the time and still cheats on his wife!

I don't know I think the ring thing is fine if that is what you want to do but I don't think it should be that big of a deal if your husband doesn't want to wear one. Especially in the job situation, it is probably more trouble to take it on and off all the time and he could loose it. Men didn't wear rings at all until the early 19th century anyway ... I think it is and always has been more of a girlie thing anyway.

I just think the we shouldn't put so much emphasis on the ring ... it is what is in your hearts that really counts. IMO at least. I am sure my feelings on this may come partly from my experiences in my failed 1st marriage where we both wore rings that meant nothing.

OK, sorry for rambling on and I hope I have not upset anyone.

Best wishes to all :D

[countrygirl]

I do see your point in the whole "emphasis on the ring" thing. That is why I am not sure if I am making too big a deal. I fully trust Josh, and I know that he trusts me as well. I know that he doesn't like jewelery on him at all, and he is a very simple person. I guess it's more of the 'fantacy' part of me coming out, wanting it all story book. But then, when I look back on my relationship w him, it's more storybook than I have ever experienced.

My mother suggested a white gold (that's what mine is) solid band w rounded edges. That is what my step father wears, and he is very much like Josh w the jewelery bit.

I guess I will just wait and see if he thinks more about it.

[WebLady]

I do see your point in the whole "emphasis on the ring" thing. That is why I am not sure if I am making too big a deal. I fully trust Josh, and I know that he trusts me as well. I know that he doesn't like jewelery on him at all, and he is a very simple person. I guess it's more of the 'fantacy' part of me coming out, wanting it all story book. But then, when I look back on my relationship w him, it's more storybook than I have ever experienced.

My mother suggested a white gold (that's what mine is) solid band w rounded edges. That is what my step father wears, and he is very much like Josh w the jewelery bit.

I guess I will just wait and see if he thinks more about it.

Well, maybe a compromise could be to get him a necklace and wear the ring around his neck, it would be closer to his heart that way anyway ;) ... just a thought. :goodluck:

[Jenn060306]

I would actually not recomend that he gets a titanium ring because they are extremely difficult to cut off if he were ever to injure his hand. When we were looking the sales woman strongly recomended we not get a ring like that.
I don't know if you already have but maybe ask him how he might feel if you chose not to wear a ring. He might better understand why you are so addiment that he wears a ring.

Also, since it is difficult for him to wear a ring at work, perhaps he could wear it on a chain a majority of the time and put it on his finger at the appropriate times.
Good Luck!

[countrygirl]

Apparently, his xwife wanted him to wear his ring around his neck, but he refused. I think that was for different reasons. They were married young because she got pregnant. They had three kids, and she she cheated on him, a few times (he later found out). There wasn't much love there for a long time, but he stayed for the kids. Been there, done that. He didn't feel 'married' to her most of the time, but he was still there. I think that is where some of the 'no ring' thing comes from, w her anyway.

[Hayz]

My FH can not wear his ring to work either - its too dangerous. I'd rather have him not wear it than to loose a finger. But when he's not at work ie at the weekends, or if we go out to dinner and he doesn't wear it then I'll be giving him the chair. :chair: (and he knows this cos he was reading over my shoulder)
He wouldn't be happy if I didn't wear my rings - he would give me the chair. My wedding ring has diamonds in it and I can't wear it to work as I work in a bakery so we bought a plain white gold band so that I could have something to wear at work and I'd wear my proper ring after work and weekends.

[officiant-fica]

I apologize in advace if this comes across wrong. it is hard to inflect tone when posting.
Your marriage will be based on love, trust, and understanding. In the end it will have nothing to do with a ring. The ring is just a symbol. Some couples don't even have a ring ceremony in their wedding ceremony. After you and Josh take your vows you've both committed to be with each other for the rest of your lives. Your love for each other is what will sustain your marriage. You may see him as being nonchalant, but maybe you should look at it as his confidence. He knows he is about to marry the woman he loves and maybe to him a ring isn't was comfirms it.

[countrygirl]

Well, I am still not sure how I feel about all of it, but it's nice to be able to talk to someone,and hear both sides.

It's been helpfull being a part of all of this. I only know one other girl right now who is getting married, but they aren't at a serious point,and haven't set anyting in stone. It's been nice to chat w all of you.

Thank you.

[CindySue]

Well, I am still not sure how I feel about all of it, but it's nice to be able to talk to someone,and hear both sides.

It's been helpfull being a part of all of this. I only know one other girl right now who is getting married, but they aren't at a serious point,and haven't set anyting in stone. It's been nice to chat w all of you.

Thank you.

Im not sure how I would handle this situation. Brian can wear his ring at work and has even said once it goes on, it wont be coming off. He does say something when I dont wear mine. I dont wear it in the evenings when I cooking or at night when Im sleeping, but other than that I wear it.
Good Luck on handling this. Could you talk to him and explain that this is something you really would like for him to do?

[countrygirl]

I think I am just going to give it a bit of time, and then talk to him again. He is a thinker, so maybe, after talking this weekend like we did, he may begin to change his mind. If not, I will help him!!:chair: But really, I will talk to him and see what he REALLY thinks, from the heart.

[CindySue]

I think I am just going to give it a bit of time, and then talk to him again. He is a thinker, so maybe, after talking this weekend like we did, he may begin to change his mind. If not, I will help him!!:chair: But really, I will talk to him and see what he REALLY thinks, from the heart.

Well if his reasons are because of the ex, you need to explain you ARE NOT his ex and that this is what YOU would like. I know a ring it just a symbol and some people just dont need it.....I do need it. Brian needs it. You need it.
If he has problems because they are uncomfotable, there are rings out there made to be comfortable. We found a titanium ring for Brian. He loves it. If hes just not used to it and it would bother him....start out with one day a week. He wears it that one day for a few weeks then he wears it 2 days a week for a few weeks....etc. (you get the picture.)
Hope this helps some. I understand where you are coming from, I really do, but if its something he just absolutely will not budge on, then just move past it and let it go.
Good Luck!!!!

[LaceyinPgh]

Don't feel too bad. My parents were married for 20 years I never remember my dad wearing his wedding ring. It didn't mean that he didn't love and respect my mother because he really did. He is an engineer so he is always working with something. In his free time he repairs and used to race motorcycles. He had a lovely ring that he kept in their jewlery box. After I was born my mom didn't really wear her engagement ring either. Again not because she didn't love it or my dad. It was because she had a house and a new baby to take care of, it got in the way. Since they didn't wear them 99% of the time when the 1% of the time they could wear them rolled around, they just never remembered to put them on. As long as he has one I don't see the big deal. It isn't because he doesn't love you, it just isn't him.

[Kacie_bride]

I will have to say that my parents have been married for 26 years and they are nothing but happy and faithful to each other, and neither one of them wear wedding rings. (I personally wouldn't like it if Justin didn't, but he wants to, so we don't have that problem.) My parents have simple bands, but as time goes by we all know that most people get bigger as they age. It's a part of life I guess. My dad never got his resized and my mom got her's resized after I was born and when she out grew it she didn't have it resized.

[bnd94]

My Fh won't be able to wear his ring either because of his job. He said he would wear it when we go out and stuff and I totally understand. I am a little bummed that I won't be able to wear my ring to work either. We work at the same place, none of the guys wear wedding rings where we work. I would probably be more in the situation of catching it on something than him since I work in the garage most of the day and he is on the road. I have heard so many horror stories of getting it caught on something I wouldn't dare.

I am terrible though because I will wear my engagement ring all day but as soon as I get home it comes off along with my watch. I have always done this and it doesn't bother him at all. Sometimes if I am home all day I don't put it on at all. To me it is just a ring. We all have a commitment between us and our DH/FH that goes far beyond the ring. JMHO. I do have to say that it does help ward off men who hit on you, but even when I am wearing it they do anyway. I can only assume to some men it doesn't matter if you are married or not..........:bbconfused:

[countrygirl]

Well, the more I think about it, the more I have realized that Josh really isn't doing this to be mean, or to hide the marriage. He seems very proud of the fact that we are getting married. He is just as happy as I am about it, and that shows me that he is serious about me, ring or no ring.

[CindySue]

Well, the more I think about it, the more I have realized that Josh really isn't doing this to be mean, or to hide the marriage. He seems very proud of the fact that we are getting married. He is just as happy as I am about it, and that shows me that he is serious about me, ring or no ring.
Im glad things are working out, but if you think that it might be an issue later, see if he can get one to wear on special occassions.

[countrygirl]

I am still going to find a solid band, I want a white gold one, as that is what mine is. It will just be very simple, and I bet that he will wear it on special occasions. As long as it doesn't end up tucked away and forgotten.

[CindySue]

Well you could still have the "ring ceremony" during your wedding even if he does go home and take the ring off afterwards.

[countrygirl]

He did say that he would get one, even if just for that. His son, and mine will be the ring bearers so, he HAS to have one. :)

[officiant-fica]

I'm glad you worked it through! Sometimes it helps to get it out, and sometimes advice from every end of the spectrum helps too! LOL