Registry Etiquette

[Rainbow Brite]

Do you think it would be ok for us to add a blurb such as this to the Registry section of our wedding website?

Being a modern couple, FH is the cook in our relationship. As such, the majority of the cooking items on our registry were added by him (most anything that's not pink!)
Please keep this in mind as you peruse the registry.

What seems to be happening, is everyone assumes I'm the cook and is buying us kitchen stuff - so I'm not getting anything that I want :( I'm not trying to be selfish, but I want FH and I both to get items we want. Not just one or the other.

[TangoWedding]

I don't think it's rude as far as etiquette goes, necessarily. However, if I were your FH, I'd think it were rude toward me to point it out.

I may be reading it wrong, but to me, that sounds like you're saying he's getting more presents than you and it's not fair. If people were just buying your favorite things, would you complain? Just saying. :upsidown:

Also, if I read that on your wedding website, I honestly wouldn't have any idea what it meant. If I were wanting to buy kitchen stuff, I wouldn't care WHO added it. And I certainly wouldn't think "he" was getting more stuff than "you". I'd assume a registry was put together by the both of you for things you need. It shouldn't matter who is the cook - if you need kitchen stuff, you need kitchen stuff.

Maybe I'm just confused or tired here....it just sounds like you're wanting to tell people not to buy all the stuff that your FH added to the registry. What does your FH say about this addition to the site?

If it's that big of a deal, you can always go and remove some kitchen stuff from the registry. That way you can get more of 'your' stuff.

[WBandMe]

Well, when I read it I didn't understand what you were saying. If I thought anything about it it would be, "Well that was a weird little comment to put on there." I don't know if your guests would understand that you meant you didn't want all the presents to go to him...

which brings me to my next point. This is your registry together, it isn't a competition, and it's not about getting presents. It's about getting the items you need to help build your life together. So what if he's the cook? If you want to eat, he's going to need pots and pans. Also, I agree with Tango that it seems a little rude toward your FH. I don't think it's so much a question of etiquette as it is manners, and I'd think twice about saying something like that.

[neebelung]

I totally agree with WB and Tango... even if your intent isn't selfish, that's how an explanation of that kind would sound. It comes across as petty and (sorry) whiny, like "I'm not getting any presents for ME!"

[bichonlvr]

What you register for is supposed to be gift for the two of you to begin your life together! So, NO, you should not put that you want certain stuff, it is all for the TWO of you! If he does the cooking, that IS for you!!!!! This is why I did not register for the Coach purse I wanted!!! :)

[Rainbow Brite]

This was FH's idea!! He wrote the blurb! HE is one who was concerned about only getting stuff HE wanted, NOT ME!! So there's no need to assume I'm being rude to FH (which I'd never do) or that he's upset/offended by this.

But he fixed the issue himself by deleting some of the items that he'd put on there that we didn't really need. We both lived alone before we met each other, so we have tons of cooking items already.

[TangoWedding]

But he fixed the issue himself by deleting some of the items that he'd put on there that we didn't really need. We both lived alone before we met each other, so we have tons of cooking items already.

I think that's the easiest solution. If you don't need it anyway, then people won't be wasting their money on it...and will instead be getting stuff you DO need!

:hare: Good choice!

[bichonlvr]

But he fixed the issue himself by deleting some of the items that he'd put on there that we didn't really need. We both lived alone before we met each other, so we have tons of cooking items already.

Great idea!!! No sense in getting stuff you don't need and focus your registry on stuff you do need!

[flyerso6]

Hey just be glad you are getting stuff, We havent got one thing off our registry except the stuff FMIL and FFIL bought us for Christmas.

[WBandMe]

This was FH's idea!! He wrote the blurb! HE is one who was concerned about only getting stuff HE wanted, NOT ME!! So there's no need to assume I'm being rude to FH (which I'd never do) or that he's upset/offended by this.

Sorry if we offended you before. I didn't necessarily mean that you ARE being rude to him--rather that that's how it came off to me without this extra explanation.

[august8bride]

I say post your regisrty information. People are going to want to buy things that you guys want, and it takes the stress of you guys and your guests if your registry is easy to find. I don't think its rude at all to post it on your website.

[neebelung]

Sorry if we offended you before. I didn't necessarily mean that you ARE being rude to him--rather that that's how it came off to me without this extra explanation.
Exactly. But it sounds like you've got it handled well. :D

[Rainbow Brite]

Sorry for my harsh response before. I was having a bad day and read too much into what you guys said. Ya'll had no way of knowing it was his idea. I should've said so in the first place :) It's all good.

[neebelung]

Sorry for my harsh response before. I was having a bad day and read too much into what you guys said. Ya'll had no way of knowing it was his idea. I should've said so in the first place :) It's all good.
Oh you don't need to apologize sweetie... I'm sorry that WE interpreted you wrong.

[EarlyBird]

This was FH's idea!! He wrote the blurb! HE is one who was concerned about only getting stuff HE wanted, NOT ME!! So there's no need to assume I'm being rude to FH (which I'd never do) or that he's upset/offended by this.

But he fixed the issue himself by deleting some of the items that he'd put on there that we didn't really need. We both lived alone before we met each other, so we have tons of cooking items already.

The truth is, most of the stuff on the registry for us is exciting to me, while to him, probably not so much. I would consider it a PLUS that he is excited about gettin his cooking stuff and consider yourself on the other side of the coin, as most times, its the guys that feel its the "girls" stuff they get! :)
Aside from sheets, some towels and the china pattern, my fh didnt really pick anything and isnt really excited. I would maybe add something on your "about me" section for fh like FH is the cook in our household. After a long day at work, i have to admit, its nice to come home and have dinner waiting for me. As you can tell by all the kitchen gadgets on our registry, he takes his cooking seriously" Or something like that :)

[Nikita706]

I just went through our registry and deleted quite a few items as well. It kind of kicks in when people start buying things (especially when nobody seems to be buying the things that were top priorities on your list). I'm glad you guys found a solution to the problem.

And don't worry, I'm sure you'll get a majority of the things on your registry by the time it's all said and done (or else you'll get plenty of gift cards or cash to buy the things you still need).

[WebLady]

Do you think it would be ok for us to add a blurb such as this to the Registry section of our wedding website?

Being a modern couple, FH is the cook in our relationship. As such, the majority of the cooking items on our registry were added by him (most anything that's not pink!)
Please keep this in mind as you peruse the registry.

What seems to be happening, is everyone assumes I'm the cook and is buying us kitchen stuff - so I'm not getting anything that I want :( I'm not trying to be selfish, but I want FH and I both to get items we want. Not just one or the other.
Sorry I missed this before and I just skimmed the other replies, but I wanted to add my two cents ...

First; the registry should be full of items you guys need and want together and should give your guests ideas of things you might need.

If I were you I might mention something about how FH is the cook in the house on your wedding website (maybe in the about us part), but I don't think it needs to be mentioned about the registry or that you want people to be mindful of this when shopping from the registry.

Looks like you and FH edited the registry anyway :frogg: